Minus David, And Gary Meadows

2/3 of Stella coming to town 10/17/06...



Tickets on sale 9/9/06...



Dig it.

Just A Little Bit Longer

Rumor has it a piece I authored has been accepted for publication at ...Circle V ...Thursday. I don't know how you should spend your Wednesday. Sorry.

Friday With Paul

dn wrote:
> I woke up this morning, stumbled around, and realized that I had "Once Bitten, Twice Shy" in my head. Despite this terrible omen (and against my better judgement), I did not call in sick. Will tragedy befall me today? Is there any worse sign that "Once Bitten, Twice Shy"?

paul wrote:
You may not want to leave the house this weekend with that looming over you. That's very dangerous ground ever since they had that fire at one of their concerts. On a related Great White note, we had a pool in college to see how much it would take for someone to get "Once Bitten" tattooed on arm and "Twice Shy" tattooed on the other arm. At its peak, the pot was up to $500, but there were no takers. How much would it take for you to get this done?

> I actually remember your pact about the tattoo(s). I always bring it up when I'm involved in a tattoo conversation - it always brings the house down. I think I'd sooner get a "Snakes on a Plane" tattoo, or maybe even a tat commemorating the Great White nightclub fire, than the OBTS combo. And I am saddened to report that OBTS has morphed into Damn Yankees' "Coming of Age", which is at least equally brutal. Kill me.

Please, please don't get me started on Damn Yankees. Every time I hear that name, I first shutter in horror, then I can't get the video for "High Enough" out of my head. The scene where Ted Nugent busts through a front door (while wearing huge Oakley-style sunglasses) and proceeds to rip through a solo while cops are shooting at him is almost unbearable. Amazingly, no bullets hit him. It's almost as if the director said "Ted, we're going to make it look like you're rocking so hard that it's changing the paths of bullets." If you've never seen this video, you have 2 options:

1) Be thankful and forget the whole thing.

2) Go to YouTube and prepare for a life-changing video.



By the way, I just realized that the observation and comment about Nugent in that video was made on VH1's "I Love the 90s". I can't remember who said it, but I'd hate to pass off a line that great as my own when it's really not. So, this is my citation.

> Your citation is honorable - I was thinking that Bill Simmons also brought up that video recently, but I might be wrong. I listened to an entire Mates of State album, went to make a cup of tea, sat back down at my desk and heard, "LITTLE SISTAHHHHHHH. HITS THE STAAAGE!" echoing in my brain. This could be in my head forever. And by "forever", I mean one week, after which time I would take my own life.

The government should play that song when trying to get information from suspected terrorists. Bin Laden would have been caught 2 years ago if this method was used. Nobody, and I mean nobody, could hold out more than 3 hours if that song was constantly played.

> I'm now listening to Yes' "I've Seen All Good People", and I can't wait to try it out at the next karaoke night. I think it would make a nice duet.

Speaking of karaoke, I'm bombed big time a few weeks back with Motley Crue's "Home Sweet Home". I guess I just don't have the Vince Neil "it" quality about me. I may have gotten into it a little too much, which may have turned off some people. But, live and learn. Let me know how the Yes tune goes over.

> To be fair, no one has the Vince Neil "it" quality. Not even Vince Neil. Not even Vince Neil before he weighed 250 pounds.

Do you think Vince ever looks in the mirror and says aloud: "What the hell happened to me?" To go from "Shout at the Devil" Vince to today's Vince is a decline that is rarely seen. I think if I was him, I wouldn't be able to pass a mirror without saying it. Okay, I'm done thinking about this. Have a good weekend.

Best. Spam Name. Ever.

A few weeks back, I got a spam message sent by

Electromagnet P. Faithlessly

Awesome. Kudos for Bags for making me take note of such names.

Golden Eagle Soars On Standardized Tests

Big news out of Wichita, reprinted here because the Wichita Stupid Eagle website will make everyone pay to access the article once it's archived.

Wichita teen scores perfect on ACT, SAT
BY SUZANNE PEREZ TOBIAS
The Wichita Eagle

Jakub Voboril can breathe a little easier when he fills out college applications this fall, after earning the highest possible score on not one but two major entrance exams.

"It wasn't so much a feeling of, 'Wow, I'm shocked,' because I went in thinking I could do this," said Jake, 17, a senior at Bishop Carroll High School.

"So it's just a good feeling. I'm really happy."

A letter last month from the American College Testing company told Jake he had scored a 36 on the ACT -- one of only two Kansas students to get a perfect score on the June test.

Shortly afterward, he learned he had scored a perfect 2400 on the SAT Reasoning Test, which he took the same week.

"Getting a perfect score is, in and of itself, very unusual," said Brian O'Reilly, a spokesman for the College Board, which administers the SAT. Last year, about 1.5 million students took the test, and fewer than 300 scored a 2400.


Neither the College Board nor the American College Testing company keeps statistics on how many students get a perfect score on both tests. "But suffice it to say, it's a very, very small number," O'Reilly said.

Jake's achievement is extraordinary, but not wholly unexpected. He has always done well in school, earning straight As in advanced-placement classes at Bishop Carroll, where he also participates in debate, Scholars Bowl and Science Olympiad.

In previous ACT attempts, he scored 32 and 34.

"Part of me said, 'That's good enough, you can stop there,' " he said. "But I decided to take it one more time to see what happened."

What happened was perfection, despite not feeling his best. "I get really nervous before tests, so I didn't sleep very well that night," he said.

Jake said much of his motivation comes from his family -- particularly two older sisters, Millie and Katie, who were valedictorians at Bishop Carroll and at Benedictine College in Atchison. Jake's father, Bob, is superintendent of Catholic schools in Wichita; his mother, Pam, is a school nurse at Bishop Carroll.

Bob Voboril said he's proud of his son -- but not only because of his test scores.

"We don't ever say to them, 'We expect As,' " he said. "The most important thing is not the grades they get, it's the kind of people they are. We truly believe that if you shape your kids to be good human beings, then they will naturally become good students."

Ask Jake how he earned tip-top scores on two big tests, and he doesn't have a quick answer.

"It's weird, because before I took it, I checked out a couple books from the library. I expected there to be this big secret that all the smart people had that I just had to read.

"But I found out there's not a secret formula. Obviously, you have to pay attention in classes, take classes that are going to teach you what you need to know -- that sort of thing."

Jake does, however, have one study tip: Sign up for the "Official SAT Question of the Day" at the College Board's Web site.

"They send you one question every day, right to your inbox," he said. "So you get a feel for the types of questions, but you don't have to sit down for a couple hours and take a practice test."

Jake's not sure where he'll attend college, but is considering Notre Dame and Princeton. He hasn't decided what he'll study, either, but has considered math, philosophy and law.

"Pretty much, if they have a class in something, it interests me," he said.

And call it modesty or cautious optimism, but he's not even assuming he'll be accepted to his college of choice.

"I've always had the impression that high test scores will help you very much, but you have to have more than that," he said.

"Colleges want people who are going to be leaders and who are going to give back to their community. Fortunately, I've had plenty of opportunities to do things like that."

I bolded the above passage because I find it implausible. The ACT and SAT companies score every exam, but they can't figure out how many students received a perfect score on each? Really? You give me one day with those datasets and I will rock that shit. Then we'll see how smart Jakub really is.

Oh, and go to Princeton, man. Trust me. And in future photos, don't let the Virgin Mary upstage you like that.

500th Post

Really limped into #500.

A few things:

My right wrist/arm hurts, probably from typing, so I'm taking it very easy. Self-imposed restrictions on typing AND Playstation until it improves.

When it hurts to type, play video games, and write - and when it's really fucking hot outside - it's reading time. I'm at the point in Scott's life where he writes The Great Gatsby. He is 27. Jesus.

Mel Gibson's Blooper Reel

[I wrote/compiled this last week, during the lunch hour immediately following the breaking "news" about Mel. For various, uninteresting reasons, it was never posted. So now, without further ado, I give you outdated Mel Gibson jokes!]


Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome (1985)

Max: Thunderdome. How do I get in there?
Aunty Entity: That's easy. Pick a fight!
Max: Okay. Tell me - is there a post-apocalyptic rabbi around?

Lethal Weapon (1987)

Roger Murtaugh: I'm too old for this shit!
Martin Riggs: Oh, c'mon, man - that's Jew talk.

Lethal Weapon II (1989)

[about to pull Murtaugh off the booby-trapped toilet]
Martin Riggs: On three, what do ya say?
Roger Murtaugh: Okay.
Martin Riggs: One... two...
Roger Murtaugh: Wait, wait, wait!
Martin Riggs: What?
Roger Murtaugh: Do we do it on three? Or one, two, three, then do it?
Martin Riggs: It's your ass, Cochise!
Roger Murtaugh: My ass, yeah. On three.
Martin Riggs: We go on three?
Roger Murtaugh: Yeah.
Martin Riggs: Okay. Hey, but first, let me take a look at how this bomb is put together. I've got some friends in Palestine that would be interested. Very interested.

Braveheart (1995)

William Wallace: ...The answer to your question is yes - if you fight for me, you get to kill the English.
Stephen: Excellent!
William Wallace: Although I don't know why we're all so worked up against the Brits, when it's clear that the Jews are responsible for all the wars in this world.

Ransom (1996)

Tom Mullen: The whole world now knows... my son, Sean Mullen, was kidnapped, for ransom, three days ago. This is a recent photograph of him. Sean, if you're watching, we love you. And this... well, this is what waits for the man that took him. This is your ransom. Two million dollars in unmarked bills, just like you wanted. But this is as close as you'll ever get to it. You'll never see one dollar of this money, because no ransom will ever be paid for my son. Not one dime, not one penny. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Tom Mullen is cheap." Well, I'm not. Not like those Jews. I'm not afraid to open up the ol' wallet. Nope. Instead, I'm offering this money as a reward on your head. Dead or alive, it doesn't matter. So congratulations, you've just become a two million dollar lottery ticket... except the odds are much, much better. Do you know anyone that wouldn't turn you in for two million dollars? I don't think you do. I doubt it. Especially if you know any Jewish folk. I mean, it's all about money with those people - they worship the stuff. You've heard of a little guy named Judas Iscariot, right? So wherever you go and whatever you do, this money will be tracking you down for all time. And to ensure that it does, to keep interest alive, I'm running a full-page ad in every major newspaper every Sunday... for as long as it takes. But... and this is your last chance... you return my son, alive, uninjured, I'll withdraw the bounty. With any luck you can simply disappear. Understand... you will never see this money. Not one dollar. So you still have a chance to do the right thing. If you don't, well, then, God be with you, because nobody else on this Earth will be. Especially, as I have made clear, Jews.

Payback (1999)

Porter: [voiceover] Not many people know what their life's worth is. I do. Seventy grand. That's what they took from me. And that's what I was going to get back. I'm not going to overcharge them, like some damn Jew banker.

Signs (2002)

Graham Hess: Swing away, Merrill. Merrill... swing away...
[Merrill breaks glasses of water with his bat, killing the alien.]
Graham Hess: Oh... Nice... Good... But I meant "swing away" at that.
[Graham points to a synagogue window.]

The Passion of the Christ (2004)

Jesus: You are My friends. There is no greater love than for a man to lay down his life for his friends. I cannot be with you much longer, My friends. You cannot go where I am going. My commandment to you after I am gone is this: Love one another. As I have loved you, so love one another. Except for the Jews.

(rock.)

It sounded pretty much like it looked. More photos to come:



UPDATE 8/7

Pics added to my Flickr page.

So You Think You Can Dance

Paul writes:

i watched parts of "footloose" last night, and i have a few questions for you:

1) when kevin bacon pulls up to school on his first day, he has quiet riot's "bang your head (metal health)" blaring from his car. this is possibly one of the most underrated comedy moments in 80s movies. anyways, shouldn't this be an acceptable approach for all first impressions? first day of work/school, first time meeting a significant other's family, etc. should all be started with kevin dubrow's screeching voice. i would really like to see practice implemented on a nation wide basis.

2) my last question involves the infamous scene where bacon works his frustration and anger out by dancing alone in a warehouse after drinking half a beer and throwing the bottle. i don't think any male would aruge with me that this is just an uneasy and weird scene to watch. my question is this: do you think when the movie first came out and was a hit, this scene was as uncomfortable for males to watch? Or has it just aged poorly?

Well, Paul, I have to confess that I'm not very knowledgeable in the realm of "Footloose". We didn't have cable when I was growing up. Still, it seemed that "Footloose" was on network television often, on weeknights, but I wasn't allowed to watch. There are a couple of possible reasons for this. Perhaps Ma and Pa didn't want me to be influenced by the movie, which contained dangerous ideas, such as the game of "chicken" between Kevin Bacon and some other dude. (Keep in mind, I had access to tractors, just like the kids in the film. It was a recipe for danger.) Perhaps I did watch much of the first part of the film, but was forbidden to see the end, due to a strict bedtime. Or, it's possible that my parents thought the movie was stupid (John Lithgow as a southern preacher?), and didn't want to be subjected to it.

In any case, I finally saw the whole movie a year or so back, and I was shocked. After a long buildup, the kids get to have a dance, and it was the lame. The end. But, as Paul points out, there are some high points along the way.

I find both of Paul's arguments compelling, and I tried to come up with the perfect response. In the end, I decided that words couldn't express my feelings on "Footloose". I hope this will serve as an acceptable substitute: