Sussualamo

dn wrote:

This reads like an Onion article:

Singer Phil Collins finds new passion in the Alamo

SAN ANTONIO - Singer Phil Collins says his new "main thing" is the Alamo.

Collins, who said he has "hundreds" of cannonballs, documents and other artifacts from the Alamo, is in San Antonio this week in conjunction with the anniversary of the March 1836 battle of the Alamo.

The collector and history buff's most prized item is a receipt signed by Alamo commander William Barret Travis for 32 head of cattle used to feed the Alamo defenders.

"Basically, now I've stopped being Phil Collins the singer. This has become what I do," he said in an online story Tuesday for the San Antonio Express-News.

His interest began in his youth when he saw actor Fess Parker portray Davy Crockett.

The 58-year-old singer, whose hits include "In the Air Tonight" and "One More Night," said he has passed on his appreciation for the Alamo lore to his five children, especially his youngest sons, ages 4 and 7.

"My youngest two, they can identify Travis, Crockett and Santa Anna when they see their pictures," he said.

Collins narrated the introduction of a 13-minute "Alamo diorama light and sound show" at the History Shop by the Alamo.

He is scheduled to speak to the Alamo Defenders Descendants Association on Saturday.

Paul wrote:

if he does have hundreds of cannonballs, etc., do you think he keeps them all in one room or building? how weird would it be to be hanging out at phil collins' house, get lost looking for the bathroom, and walk into a room filled with cannonballs from the Alamo?


dn wrote:

I’d really like to know how you can authenticate hundreds of 1836 cannonballs. (Hundreds? What the hell? You grab a handful, okay, cool – but hundreds? Is he trying to get the complete set or something? Somebody should tell him these aren’t 1989 Upper Deck cards.) I think there’s a blacksmith out there who’s made a killing off Collins. “Uh, yeah! I located another mysterious collector, and he’s got 30 more cannonballs to sell you, Phil!”

If you had one or two cannonballs, you could put them in a little glass box, like a signed baseball, and display them in a room with the rest of your Alamo crap. Hundreds, though? And you’re probably keeping them inside, not in a pile on the lawn next to your vintage cannon? Man, I don’t know what you do with them. They must be stacked in little pyramids all over his complex.


Paul wrote:

To be honest, what I would really like to see happen is someone create a theatrical production of the Alamo battle set to the music of Phil Collins/Genesis. You can't tell me that "In the Air Tonight" wouldn't fit perfectly as everyone prepares for the battle the night before. That song killed on the pilot episode of Miami Vice, and would do so here as well.




[end email string]


I have buried the joyous leads here. First, when boiled down to their essence, Genesis (and Phil Collins) will be remembered for three things: a scene from Miami Vice, the Land of Confusion video, and stealing Aimee Mann's Oscar by writing the monkey love theme from Disney's animated Tarzan.

Second, I fully support his obsession with the Alamo, because it means PHIL COLLINS HAS STOPPED SINGING! He said it himself! Awesome. This almost makes up for hearing Another Day in Paradise a billion times.

Mr. Pibb Doesn't Have The Balls For Something Like This

I sent two links to Paul and Jeff last Friday, which touched of a series of emails. The first link was the strange-but-true article about Dr. Pepper's newest campaign:

Dr Pepper Sweetens Pot For 'Chinese Democracy'

Many have tried, but so far nobody has been able to pry the decade-in-the-works Guns N' Roses album "Chinese Democracy" from the hands of lone remaining original member Axl Rose.

Now, Dr Pepper thinks it's up to the challenge. The soft drink company says it will give a free can of Dr Pepper to "everyone in America" (excluding ex-GNR members Slash and Buckethead) if "Chinese Democracy" arrives anytime during the calendar year 2008.

"It took a little patience to perfect Dr Pepper's special mix of 23 ingredients, which our fans have come to know and love," Dr Pepper director of marketing Jaxie Alt says. "So we completely understand and empathize with Axl's quest for perfection -- for something more than the average album. We know once it's released, people will refer to it as 'Dr Pepper for the ears' because it will be such a refreshing blend of rich, bold sounds - an instant classic."

The second link was to Axl Rose's corresponding press release:

We are surprised and very happy to have the support of Dr Pepper with our album "Chinese Democracy," as for us, this came totally out of the blue. If there is any involvement with this promotion by our record company or others, we are unaware of such at this time. And as some of Buckethead's performances are on our album, I'll share my Dr Pepper with him.

i was truly speechless when i first heard about this. is there really so little going on at dr. pepper that this idea got green-lighted? how would this ever even be brought up at a promotions meeting? do you think there is just like one psychotic gnr fan that works there that has been pushing for this for years? i would really love to interview the president of dr. pepper to see how this came about.

--paul


i would just like to take this opportunity to point out that neither of you can prove that i've been working with the good people at Dr. Pepper.

actually, i was pushing for them to blow the dust off the VH classic "Somebody Get Me A Doctor" for the new ad campaign...

tangent: favorite song by, about, or including the word 'doctor'?

think i might choose the new wave infectiousness & repetition of the Thompson Twins' "Doctor Doctor"... (can't you see I'm burning burning?)

~jeff.


If someone had told me that a soft drink brand was publicly encouraging the release of Chinese Democracy, I would have guessed Mountain Dew. Then, Mountain Dew: Code Red. Then I would have asked if Red Bull counts as a soft drink brand. Then I would have guessed a brand looking to energize its stale image, like RC Cola. Dr. Pepper, headquartered in Waco, Texas, would have been low on my list. Maybe a few notches above Coke and a dozen notches above Fresca.

There was probably some long-haired advertising peon at Dr. Pepper headquarters that locked the executive board in a room until they promised to lobby G n' R. Then he ran out of the building, skipping and laughing all the way to his '85 Firebird, and drove into the sunset.

Jackson Browne's "Doctor My Eyes" is my choice for favorite song until I can research more fully.

--dn


Favorite song that contains 'Doctor' is a great question. Off the top of my head, my favorite two would have to be "Calling Dr. Love" by KISS or the obvious choice, "Dr. Feelgood" by the Crue. By the way, am I the only one who enjoys "Dr. Feelgood" 100 times more when the T.N.T (Terror 'N Tinseltown) intro is played before it? Much like how they've combined "We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions" and "Heartbreaker/Livin Lovin Maid (She's Just a Woman)", I think we should draft a piece of legislation that
would require TNT and Dr. Feelgood to be combined.

--paul


I was just thinking about combined songs today, when "We Will Rock You" came up on the shuffle. I was judging if it's a good thing or a bad thing that media players are too dumb to automatically subsequently bring up "We Are the Champions".

I am behind your legislation, and will write my congressman if we include:
Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness / Tonight Tonight
Foreplay / Long Time
the really long music intro before the radio edit of Tesla's "Love Song"
the Star Spangled Banner intro before Bullet the Blue Sky on U2's "Rattle and Hum"
side B of Abbey Road

--dn


All great additions, Dan. I think combined songs are a good thing. For some reason, I like the 1 second pause in between the 2 parts where you're thinking "Are they going to play the 2nd part or cut it off?" Then, that's always followed by a sense of gratification when the 2nd part kicks in. This seems to especially happen with the Zeppelin duo already mentioned.

Since we're drafting legislation, we might as well do all of these with one shot. And on that note, lets add "Eruption" and "You Really Got Me" by VH to the list. There's nothing worse than hearing the beginning of "You Really Got Me" kick in and realizing that you were ripped off by them not playing "Eruption".

--paul


there must already be legislation in place for the zep twosome, as i think that is the only combo mentioned that i've never heard played (other than on a personal shuffle) as separate entities.

getting back to the abbey road thing, where do you place the line where the whole sequence starts? i'm not sure how they divided it when there was sides 1/2 (pre-CD), but i personally think the album shifts into medley mode at "Because"...

pauly, you really took me back on the Dr. Feelgood intro -- so far i don't even remember TNT, even though i was obsessed with that album in 8th grade. i will have to dig this up and revisit.

Calling Dr. Love and Doctor My Eyes are excellent choices that i hadn't thought of when i posed the question. props.

it's really fun for me when i hear Kiss these days & i realize how ridiculous their songs are/were. especially when you couple it with how seriously they take themselves as artists and CEOs of the Kiss Army. i saw the video for God Gave Rock & Roll To You the other day on VH1 classic, and after a couple of jumping air windmills, i actually listened for a minute:

I know life sometimes can get tough!
And I know life sometimes can be a drag!
But people, we have been given a gift, we have been given a road
And that road's name is... Rock and Roll!

awesome.

~jeff.


The only part of Abbey Road I'm especially concerned with is Golden Slumbers / Carry That Weight / End.

I get a few VH1 Classic specials for free on demand. Last month, I watched a little bit of a Queen retrospective: live performances, interviews with members, etc. After about the fifth time I laughed at an elaborate Freddie Mercury jumpsuit, I noticed my girlfriend wasn't as entranced by Brian May's commentary as I was. So I've learned to watch those things alone.

I can't remember TNT, either, but I'm sure I would remember it if I heard it. I do remember TMNT, though. Those turtles loved pizza.

I was just thinking about the video for "Estranged" where Axl jumps into the ocean. They need to use CGI to change the water to Dr. Pepper.

--dn

Halftime Heartbreakers

[This email discussion is several weeks old. It will become more relevant as we near Super Bowl Sunday. Also, prepare yourself for an onslaught of "Tom Petty's face in high definition" jokes.]

* * *

I'm listening to some Petty today in anticipation of his Super Bowl Halftime performance. Normally, artists perform about 3 songs during the break, and I'm trying to determine which 3 he (and the Heartbreakers) will
select.

Right now I'm leaning toward the upbeat numbers:

1. American Girl (obvious, and the only real lock)
2. Running Down a Dream (fits in well with the dream of winning the Lombardi trophy)
3. You Wreck Me (shows America more recent Petty, doesn't mention anything about "the gates of hell" or "mary jane", so it's safe for the TV audience.)

Give me your 3 choices.

--dn

* * *


great question...

unfortunately for the purposes of discussion, i think you nailed it. and it's not like i'm rusty on my petty...i just took in the 4-hr documentary over the weekend. although, You Wreck Me is now something like 13 years old, so if he's gonna throw a new one in i'm guessing it would be Saving Grace or Big Weekend (which i think may easily be the weakest TP song ever, but he likes it and it's thematically appropriate).

other possibilities:
You Got Lucky (badass)
I Need To Know (a rocker)
Honey Bee (a badass rocker)
I Won't Back Down (gates of hell notwithstanding, this has to be a frontrunner)
Free Fallin (his biggest hit and essentially the verses are a slice of americana on par with the coug)

i will definitely ponder this one...

~jeff

* * *


As a tangent, I think the most unlikely three (popular) songs are:

1.> Last Dance with Mary Jane
2.> You Don't Know How it Feels
3.> Stop Draggin' My Heart Around (with Stevie Nicks)

--dn

* * *


i'll throw out It's Good To Be King as a least likely choice...i'm sure the NFL wants no mention of dogs (even if it's about them getting wings...as opposed to mercilessly ripping each other to shreds)...

~jeff

* * *


This is a tough question, but here's my best guess of how the sequence will go:

1) Running Down a Dream = Even though the baseball playoffs from a few years ago killed this song, he's still opening with it.

2) Learning to Fly = This is my sleeper pick. Even though this song can be interpreted in a way that NBC would probably not approve of, I think Tom will still want to bring it down a notch before he gets to.....

3) American Girl = Obvious ending. Although, I think they should be required to show the scene from "Silence of the Lambs" where this song was used on the Jumbotron while it's being played. Nothing says "America's greatest sporting event" like images of Buffalo Bill on a Jumbotron.

--paul

* * *


You both have pretty much hammered out the three most likely possibilities (I think: American Girl, Saving Grace, Free Fallin'); therefore I will throw out my three Least Expected Tunes.

1.) Crawling Back to You -The un-PC Indian shooting out the lights would cause an uproar in the Southwest.
2.) Don't Come Around Here No More -A good song, yes. But to let this 5:00 song drag out for half of halftime would be half foolish.
3.) Girl on LSD -no comment necessary

--gav

The Good Way, The Badwey, And The Elway

This morning, Paul sent along news of his recent vacation:

This past Sunday I went to a Chris Cornell concert in Detroit. We arrived about 30 minutes before the opening act, which we had no idea who it was. So, when they introduced the band "Juliette and the Licks", I was still clueless. Then, it became quickly evident that this is Juliette Lewis's band. Needless to say, it was a frightening and gut-wrenching experience. I really don't even know how to describe this train wreck. She tries to look like a cross between David Bowie and David Lee Roth and tries to strut around like Mick Jagger. When you add these weak impersonations in with her voice, it's not a good combo.

Then, I heard her being interviewed on the radio the next morning, and the DJ made the mistake of asking "How would you describe your sound?" She said that people have compared them to everyone from Aerosmith to Ted Nugent to Henry Rollins to Patti Smith. If she's the intersection of those 4 artists, somebody needs to rework the recipe.

A quick follow up email clarified:

I forgot to mention that I spent most of Juliette Lewis's set waiting for Robert DeNiro to wander onto stage so she could suck his fingers as in Cape Fear.

* * *

In contrast, I had a great time this weekend in sunny, elevated Denver. Luke and Jessica brought Gav and I to a friendly backyard BBQ that slowly turned into a Beckham Madness watch party. We cheered when Becks sat on the bench, adjusting his shoes. We shouted with disdain toward his Galaxy teammates: "What the fuck! Get Beckham in the game! This asshole can't bend it worth a shit!" When the game ended, we remembered that we're American, and soccer can bugger off, and so can Sportcenter's repeating reel of four Beckham "highlights": running into the locker room, running out of the locker room, tripping over a dude and pretending to be injured, and failing to eponymously bend a corner kick.

Earlier that evening, as partygoers attempted to toss beanbags into small holes (Gav was the night's big winner), I made a passing jab at another past-his-prime superstar, former Denver Broncos quarterback John Elway. Luke and Jessica quickly glanced around the patio to be sure the other guests hadn't heard my comment. They solemnly explained that Elway could not be mocked in Denver. "It's like if you said something about George Brett in Kansas City, but a thousand times worse," they said. In fact, one of the locals, sitting just a few feet from me, had recently analogized Jay Cutler's succession of Elway to Pope Benedict's replacement of John Paul II.

This fanaticism fed the weekend's running joke -- the pinnacle was late Saturday night, at a bar near Coors field, at a time I'll call "before we took those additional four shots". Gav was pondering what shot he could order after the requisite Tuaca. We imagined a shot named "The Elway" -- Gav postulated that it would contain, "One part effort, and one part heart."

An annoyed bartender confirmed that The Elway did not yet exist.

* * *

Sunday was bracketed by two impressive events, beginning with a superb breakfast of Denver omelettes smothered with green chile sauce, and ending with the best concert experience of my life.

I was prepared for my high expectations to render the concert mediocre, but The Polyphonic Spree did not disappoint. They made me smile, they made me laugh, they cured my hangover, and they rocked my shit for nearly two and a half hours. Did I mention the confetti cannons? I mean, does it LOOK like everyone was having fun?

The concert was so perfect that I considered not attending their upcoming show in Kansas City. It's destined to be a less impressive concert -- they'll be playing an outdoor venue, after performing in Columbia the previous night, and they're due to play Lollapallooza the following afternoon. Still, a half-assed effort from the Spree -- if such efforts exist -- is likely to be more entertaining than most any alternative. At the cost of $19 and a few hours of sleep, I'll embrace the risk.

I invite any Kansas City area readers to join me at the venue August 2.

Meantime

OK. So. I'm back from vacation. Again. I have some stories to tell, and some photographs to share. I will do that. Soon. Soonish. I am, happily, still very busy with unpacking and hoops and D-Day festivities. I just learned last night, via the John Tesh radio show, that National Womens' Feel Good About The Way You Look Day (or something) falls on the same date as D-Day. I wonder what the heroes of Normandy would have to say about that. Did they storm that fortified beach to defend the freedom of curvaceous American females? Kind of.

There are lots of things for you to look at in this waiting room.

While in the too-cold Denver airport, I read Chuck Klosterman's article in the new Esquire, a thinkpiece about radio. He explains the "magic" of radio, which turns out to be the same quality that pushes us toward shuffle mode on our digital audio players:

For a variety of reasons -- some technological, but most intangible -- the experience of hearing a certain song at a random moment in an undefined place is infinitely more evocative than hearing that same song by choice. There are countless songs I would never consciously play in my house but always enjoy on the radio.

To my amazement, his archived Esquire pieces are available online, including a piece on our obsession with pirates:

In his book Under the Black Flag, pirate expert David Cordingly describes the bizarre buccaneer torture practice of slashing a prisoner's stomach, extracting one end of an intestine, nailing it to a post, and then forcing the victim to "dance to his death" by beating his ass with a burning log. This strikes me as wildly unnecessary.

Klosterman's also written a newly published piece for ESPN's Page 2, which is not great, but it does include some trademark wit:

There are some historical lessons that almost always prove true: Don't wage a ground war on two fronts. Don't impulsively buy a speedboat or a racehorse. Don't ask a woman who loves Tori Amos to tell you about her dreams. And do not stage professional football in spring.

There was a headline on Yahoo recently: "Italian doctor builds new, more natural vagina". Finally, right? Am I right, fellas? I haven't read that article yet. Maybe a reader would like to summarize it for me.


I feel like I should have known all of the Bo Jackson legends lovingly recapped by the KC Star a few weeks ago, but I have little recollection of Bo.


I finished reading In Cold Blood while in Oregon. The best sentence:

He had merely fallen face down across the bed, as though sleep were a weapon that had struck him from behind.

Finally, Paul and I discussed important news last week:

--- dn wrote:

Bad idea, or terrible idea?
http://www.vh1.com/artists/az/poison/1539925/album.jhtml

--- Paul wrote:

That's an easy one. Terrible idea. Actually, it's beyond terrible. Can C.C. Deville even play the guitar well enough to pull off some of these songs?

What's your vote for what the worst song on the CD will be? I have to go with "Suffragette City". Being a huge Bowie fan, if I ever hear this cover, it may completely ruin the song for me completely. It's really a rare accomplishment for a cover version to have such destructive potential. So, kudos to Bret and the boys for that.

--- dn wrote:

Speaking of Bowie covers, I downloaded Of Montreal's version of "Suffragette City" the other day, and it's pretty good. Pretty faithful cover.

My vote for the best cover is "Just What I Needed". Poison should be able to handle The Cars' power pop. But The Rolling Stones' "Dead Flowers"? That's practically a country-western song. What made them think that they could pull that off? Oh, right. The drugs.

Max, What A Perv

The whole "The Max" situation is definitely mysterious. Your point about having a magician/waiter running the place, who is abnormally attached too much to high school kids, echo my thoughts exactly. Wouldn't their parents wonder why this guy spends all of his time with high school kids? I can just see him using magic as an excuse to lure kids into his van. "You know, Kelly, the equipment needed to saw you in half is in the back of my van. Why don't you hop in and take a look at it?" Max, what a perv. By the way, I always thought his magic tricks sucked.

--Paul, supporting my views on "Saved By The Bell"

Goodbye, Columbus

News from Paul in Ohio:

I was really disappointed by the rioting (or lack thereof) down here last night. Even with the beating OSU took, I thought I could look forward to angry rioters, which can be just as destructive as victorious rioters. In the end, nothing major happened, and I will have to wait yet another year in hopes of witnessing a riot.

I watched the game in a bar just outside Columbus, and I have to say that I've never the energy level higher in a bar (following Ginn's opening kickoff return) and then have it completely destroyed within 90 minutes. By halftime, the looks of dejection were amazing. If I had been smart, I would have taken some pictures for your website. You know it's a high level of comedy when a 45 year old man seriously looks suicidal while wearing a t-shirt that says "Fear the Nut" (in reference to the Buckeye tree nut). This kind of thing cannot be scripted.

How 'Bout Them Cowboys?

I fell into bed at 2 a.m. CDT this morning, thanks to a three-hour delay on my return flight. Stories about waiting around in airports and on airplanes aren't terribly exciting, and you will not be subjected to them. You will, however, be barraged with other tales from my vacation, and I'll put up some pictures. For tonight, though, I'm going to catch up on some sleep.

I'll leave you with one note from Paul, and one brief bit from my time at Reagan:

hey dan,

i thought that i spotted lou reed at target in columbus yesterday, but it turned out not to be him when i got closer to the guy. i know, i was shocked too that it wasn't him. after all, don't all rock icons hang out at target stores in the midwest?

anyways, it got me wondering what i would have said if it had been lou reed. here are some openers that i came up with:

1)who would have guessed you'd still be alive today?
2)shopping at target on a wednesday? now, that's a real walk on the wildside.
3)really, how weird was andy warhol?
4)you here for the new justin timberlake cd, too?
5)seriously, whose done more drugs, you or keith richards?

lets just say that i feel prepared for the next time i cross paths with lou.

paul

* * *

Paul,

You could have also said, "I loved your awesome work as a presenter for the 06 VMAs. It was very rock 'n roll."

I had a similar experience yesterday at the airport in DC. I saw a large black male wearing a garish yellow suit, a fancy watch, and diamond earrings. "That guy looks a lot like Michael Irvin," I thought, but then assumed it couldn't be, because he would fly in his own jet. I'm now certain it was, though. He watched the KC/ Denver game for a while with us riff-raff, then left, then came back and sat down directly next to the hottest young woman at the gate. The seat was barely open - he had to
excuse himself to squeeze in next to her. What followed was an extremely awkward pickup attempt, especially given a man of Irvin's accomplishments. He shook her hand, said a few sentences, and then got up and walked away. She gave the "What the hell was that?" look to the others at the gate, and that was the last I saw of the former Cowboy great.

dn

Actually, I'm still not 100% positive it was Michael Irvin. REAL TIME UPDATE: I just looked up from my laptop to see Mr. Irvin shouting nonsense during the Toyota Halftime Show on ESPN's Monday Night Football. That was totally him last evening. Oh, man. That's good stuff. But what was he doing in business class? And why did he have such an awkward time with that chick? Is he too used to paying chicks for sex to work his game properly? Was it the cocaine talking?

Regardless, it was easily the height of my night, followed closely by the $4.50 Toblerone bar.

Friday With Paul

dn wrote:
> I woke up this morning, stumbled around, and realized that I had "Once Bitten, Twice Shy" in my head. Despite this terrible omen (and against my better judgement), I did not call in sick. Will tragedy befall me today? Is there any worse sign that "Once Bitten, Twice Shy"?

paul wrote:
You may not want to leave the house this weekend with that looming over you. That's very dangerous ground ever since they had that fire at one of their concerts. On a related Great White note, we had a pool in college to see how much it would take for someone to get "Once Bitten" tattooed on arm and "Twice Shy" tattooed on the other arm. At its peak, the pot was up to $500, but there were no takers. How much would it take for you to get this done?

> I actually remember your pact about the tattoo(s). I always bring it up when I'm involved in a tattoo conversation - it always brings the house down. I think I'd sooner get a "Snakes on a Plane" tattoo, or maybe even a tat commemorating the Great White nightclub fire, than the OBTS combo. And I am saddened to report that OBTS has morphed into Damn Yankees' "Coming of Age", which is at least equally brutal. Kill me.

Please, please don't get me started on Damn Yankees. Every time I hear that name, I first shutter in horror, then I can't get the video for "High Enough" out of my head. The scene where Ted Nugent busts through a front door (while wearing huge Oakley-style sunglasses) and proceeds to rip through a solo while cops are shooting at him is almost unbearable. Amazingly, no bullets hit him. It's almost as if the director said "Ted, we're going to make it look like you're rocking so hard that it's changing the paths of bullets." If you've never seen this video, you have 2 options:

1) Be thankful and forget the whole thing.

2) Go to YouTube and prepare for a life-changing video.



By the way, I just realized that the observation and comment about Nugent in that video was made on VH1's "I Love the 90s". I can't remember who said it, but I'd hate to pass off a line that great as my own when it's really not. So, this is my citation.

> Your citation is honorable - I was thinking that Bill Simmons also brought up that video recently, but I might be wrong. I listened to an entire Mates of State album, went to make a cup of tea, sat back down at my desk and heard, "LITTLE SISTAHHHHHHH. HITS THE STAAAGE!" echoing in my brain. This could be in my head forever. And by "forever", I mean one week, after which time I would take my own life.

The government should play that song when trying to get information from suspected terrorists. Bin Laden would have been caught 2 years ago if this method was used. Nobody, and I mean nobody, could hold out more than 3 hours if that song was constantly played.

> I'm now listening to Yes' "I've Seen All Good People", and I can't wait to try it out at the next karaoke night. I think it would make a nice duet.

Speaking of karaoke, I'm bombed big time a few weeks back with Motley Crue's "Home Sweet Home". I guess I just don't have the Vince Neil "it" quality about me. I may have gotten into it a little too much, which may have turned off some people. But, live and learn. Let me know how the Yes tune goes over.

> To be fair, no one has the Vince Neil "it" quality. Not even Vince Neil. Not even Vince Neil before he weighed 250 pounds.

Do you think Vince ever looks in the mirror and says aloud: "What the hell happened to me?" To go from "Shout at the Devil" Vince to today's Vince is a decline that is rarely seen. I think if I was him, I wouldn't be able to pass a mirror without saying it. Okay, I'm done thinking about this. Have a good weekend.

So You Think You Can Dance

Paul writes:

i watched parts of "footloose" last night, and i have a few questions for you:

1) when kevin bacon pulls up to school on his first day, he has quiet riot's "bang your head (metal health)" blaring from his car. this is possibly one of the most underrated comedy moments in 80s movies. anyways, shouldn't this be an acceptable approach for all first impressions? first day of work/school, first time meeting a significant other's family, etc. should all be started with kevin dubrow's screeching voice. i would really like to see practice implemented on a nation wide basis.

2) my last question involves the infamous scene where bacon works his frustration and anger out by dancing alone in a warehouse after drinking half a beer and throwing the bottle. i don't think any male would aruge with me that this is just an uneasy and weird scene to watch. my question is this: do you think when the movie first came out and was a hit, this scene was as uncomfortable for males to watch? Or has it just aged poorly?

Well, Paul, I have to confess that I'm not very knowledgeable in the realm of "Footloose". We didn't have cable when I was growing up. Still, it seemed that "Footloose" was on network television often, on weeknights, but I wasn't allowed to watch. There are a couple of possible reasons for this. Perhaps Ma and Pa didn't want me to be influenced by the movie, which contained dangerous ideas, such as the game of "chicken" between Kevin Bacon and some other dude. (Keep in mind, I had access to tractors, just like the kids in the film. It was a recipe for danger.) Perhaps I did watch much of the first part of the film, but was forbidden to see the end, due to a strict bedtime. Or, it's possible that my parents thought the movie was stupid (John Lithgow as a southern preacher?), and didn't want to be subjected to it.

In any case, I finally saw the whole movie a year or so back, and I was shocked. After a long buildup, the kids get to have a dance, and it was the lame. The end. But, as Paul points out, there are some high points along the way.

I find both of Paul's arguments compelling, and I tried to come up with the perfect response. In the end, I decided that words couldn't express my feelings on "Footloose". I hope this will serve as an acceptable substitute:

Like Mike

I had a dream last night that I was on a movie set with Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter. I tried to be cool around those guys, and Black rewarded my coolness with an errand -- retrieve his DeLorean from a place down the road, where Oprah was sitting. Pretty standard, really.

Paul gave me a shout out during my waking hours today:

Paul wrote on 07/10/2006 12:35:38 PM:

hey dan,

i'm not sure if you've seen this article yet, but it's worth looking at. it may be the most ridiculous lawsuit ever.

http://msn.foxsports.com/nba/story/5766288

and if you can explain to me the rationale behind how this guy arrived at the amount he is suing for, i'd really like to know. i know how he calculated the figure, but the rationale behind the calculation still eludes me.

dn wrote:

I haven't even got past the calculation yet. $416 million each? His age times 7? Is he 59.428571 years old?

I like how his character has been "defamed". Because people despise MJ and all...

And, on a nerdier note, defamation would literally mean being made unfamous: de-fame. MJ is one of the world's most famous people.

Paul wrote on 07/10/2006 01:48:13 PM:

What I would give for this to actually go to trial, even though there is a 0.000001% chance of that happening. Does this guy expect Jordan to get plastic surgery to rectify the situation?

And, based on the definition of defamation, couldn't Jordan more accurately file a countersuit of defamation? Doesn't this guy actually defame Jordan?

And who are these people at this guy's local gym that mistake him for Jordan? Do these people honestly believe Jordan has shown up to play against them?

So many questions..........

dn wrote:

I'll bet you $416 million that this guy carries a basketball around with him everywhere he goes. AND that he got his earring specifically so he could look like Jordan. AND that he's hired a Pippen look-alike. AND that he calls every white guy he meets "Pax".

At least when the lady sued Letterman for sending her messages through her TV, you knew she was crazy. This guy is just annoying.

Huggins Hired

Paul wrote on 03/23/2006 09:18:26 AM:

I'd like to congratulate your alma mater on hiring Bob Huggins. I always felt that what was holding K-State back from being a Big 12 basketball power was the absence of an alcoholic dictator as the coach. I wonder if they'll show the videotape of his DUI stop on the scoreboard during timeouts.

I will say this though: if Huggins brings the two junior recruits from Ohio with him, K-State will be a top 10 team in two years. The two recruits' names are O.J. Mayo and Bill Walker, and they have supposedly stated that they will go wherever Huggins goes. It's eerily similar to the the Jimmy Chitwood/Norman Dale situation in the movie "Hoosiers".

If LeBron had never existed, Mayo would be deemed as the next Jordan. He's a 6'5" guard that is an amazing player. Walker is a post player that will also start from Day 1 at whatever college he goes too. The two of them are high school teammates, and their team is playing in the state tournaments right now here at Ohio State. Needless to say, the media coverage has been a circus. So, buy your 2007-2008 KSU season tickets now.

dn wrote:

Yeah, I saw the news this morning and told a fellow graduate, "Good, I was tired of our players graduating anyway," and he responded:

"Our players didn't graduate under Wooly, anyway. They transferred so they could play under Huggins and left school to smoke the reefer...so not much is going to change, except winning games...."

So that's that. The way I see it, Manhattan is a small town, and there's less stuff for him to hit when he drives around drunk. Plus, maybe the contract include a driver for him. It could be a KSU tradition - spotting Huggins' riding in the back of a towncar, head against the window, passed out.

I'd like to expand your comment into a full post on the site - can you write me back and tell the story about the Cincinnati basketball camp?...

Paul wrote on 03/23/2006 10:43:40 AM:

That event would have happened circa 1993. The players from my class and the one above me went to a summer basketball camp at the University of Cincinnati. UC is an urban campus, and it's in an awful part of the city. We would have all been 14-15 years old and coming from a small, rural school in northwest Ohio, so not alot of street smarts at that point.

Anyways, the first night there, we needed some ice for the coolers that we brought down with us. Not knowing what kind of area we were in, around 5 of us walked off-campus to a convenience store. While we were in there, a local resident came in screaming "I'm going to kill him. I hate the mother f*%$er". We looked over at the guy, and he was holding his face which was full of blood.

At this point, we all looked at each other in complete fright. So, doing what farm kids do in an urban setting, we took off running out of the store. I remember the guy who was bleeding yelling as we left the store, but I couldn't understand what he was saying. When we got back to campus, one of my friends realized he had left with a Mountain Dew without paying, so he said "Should I go back and pay for it?"

He was almost beat to death for suggesting such a stupid idea. Needless to say, we didn't wander off the campus for the rest of the week.

dn wrote:

Thanks, Paul. That's a classic tale that needed retelling. One point I seem to remember from the first time I heard it. Didn't the store clerk know the bleeding man, and tell the man, "We'll get him."? I thought that those two were definitely going to enact their revenge together. Do you remember the clerk's response? Am I wrong?

Paul wrote on 03/23/2006 12:14:44 PM:

Good catch. I can't believe I left out the store clerk and his willingness to jump into the situation. That's exactly what he said, and we assumed the two guys were friends (in retrospect). I do remember looking in the paper the next morning to see if any homicides occurred in the area. None were mentioned, but we thought the body may not have been found yet.

Paul Week Part 3 - What You Like

A while back, when Dick and Barry and I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like, Barry proposed the idea of a questionnaire for prospective partners, a two- or three-page multiple-choice document that covered all the music/film/TV/book bases. It was intended a) to dispense with awkward conversation, and b) to prevent a chap from leaping into bed with someone who might, at a later date, turn out to have every Julio Iglesias record ever made. It amused us at the time, although Barry, being Barry, went one stage further: he compiled the questionnaire and presented it to some poor woman he was interested in, and she hit him with it. But there was an important and essential truth contained in this idea, and the truth was that these things matter, and it's no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently, or if your favorite films wouldn't even speak to each other if they met at a party.

--Nick Hornby, High Fidelity

Paul wrote on 02/02/2006 10:43:15 AM:

i liked the list of possible phil songs on your website. this is a resource that will probably never be fully utilized, and that's a sad situation. instead, we will have to keep putting up with nickelback, scott stapp, and whatever other talentless hacks are out there. has current music gotten this bad or i am just starting to show my age? the only current bands that i even listen to regularly are queens of the stone age (which have strangely begun to dominate my music listening) and HIM.

on a sidenote, i've been dating this girl for like 2 months, and i get the impression that her music capabilities are somewhat limited. she listens to your usual pop-like music and country (God help me!). i have a feeling that her knowledge of classic rock up through [the music of] the mid-90s (when music left me behind) is lacking.

so, i was thinking of giving her a crash course in music. i would give her 2-3 cd's "vital" cd's every week to listen to. then, on the weekend, i would randomly select songs from these cd's, and she would have to correctly identify the artist/album and maybe the song title. in your opinion, do you see a girl going for this idea or does this have disaster written all over it? and i still have no idea why it's so important to me that a girlfriend or whoever have an appreciation for lou reed and the clash...

...here is what I've come up with as far as deciding which music gets introduced at what point. I thought about starting with my favorites, but then I realized not everyone has the exact same music tastes (obviously). So, chronological order is about the best way I could come up with to "build this house of rock". Below is a tentative syllabus:

Weeks 1-3 = "The Foundation": composed of the Rolling Stones, the Who, Zeppelin, the Beatles, the Doors, Hendrix, Cream, the Yardbirds, etc. It was difficult to decide what era to cut this off at, but I figured the mid to late 1960s seemed about right.

Weeks 4 = the 70s (Classic Rock): Here I would want to build upon all the legendary acts covered in weeks 1-3. Maybe introduce bands that aren't in the Parthenon of rock. I was thinking along the lines of Bad Company, Thin Lizzy, Bob Seger, etc.

Week 5 = Singer/Songwriters: This week we strip down to acoustic guitars for the sounds of Cat Stevens, James Taylor, etc. After 4 straight weeks of rock, there's going to need to be a break.

Week 6 = Punk: We went soft for a week, now it's time to crank it back up with Iggy Pop, the Clash, the Ramones, and the Sex Pistols.

Week 7 = The Transition: This week would really only cover four bands that I feel form a bridge between the 70s and 80s metal scenes, Aerosmith, Van Halen, AC/DC, and KISS. In my opinion, most if not all bands from the 80s emulated some or all of these in some fashion.

Week 8 = 80s Metal: I think you know what you're getting here: GNR, the Crue, Def Leppard, Ratt, etc. It would be a week of living on the Sunset Strip.

Week 9 = The Synthesizer: You would have to devote a list to the instrument that dominated pop music for nearly a decade. Besides, if I'm doing this course, you better believe Gary Numan and Co. will have their week.

Week 10 = Grunge: I don't even like that term, but I couldn't come up with a better one. Here, you get the essentials: Nirvana, AIC, Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, etc. No better way to end than this.

That's it, finally. A 10 week crash course of rock. I know I left out bands and scenes, some of which I really like, including a real metal section. But, this course is intended for a girl you're dating, not Lemmy.

pr

Paul poses two questions. First, is it a good idea to put a significant other through a music relearning program? Second, what is the ideal music relearning program?

To answer question #1, Paul, it's a terrible idea. Really, really bad. "No condom in Haiti" bad. I have dated those who shared my taste in music as well as those who did not. While those women didn't have similar musical preferences, they all agreed on one thing - I shouldn't make them feel inferior because they didn't know the significance of "Freebird" or they couldn't tell Aimee Mann from Charles Mann.

You know how guys are supposed to love girls that are into sports? Like, if you put two identical twins next to each other, and one of them was a die-hard NFL fan and the other one only watches ice skating, the average male is supposed to like the football fan more? I always thought that was bullshit. I don't want some broad sitting next to me on the couch during the Super Bowl, complaining about a play call, second-guessing the coach. I don't want her to wear the football pants in our relationship. I want her to know what football is, the general rules of play, a couple of the star players, and how to make killer nacho dip to eat during the game. This way, I get to be the smarter, manlier, more well-fed person in the relationship.

Doesn't the same concept hold with music? Do you really want to date someone that has more knowledge of music than you? For God's sake, Paul, you're the only guy I've ever met that had a (framed?) poster of Motley Crue's "Girls Girls Girls" in your living room.

And if we're agreed that you don't want to be with some musical know-it-all, we should also agree that it's OK to be with the musically uninformed.

Certainly, there must be a tipping point somewhere. Where do we draw the line between "tragically uninformed", "inexcusably ignorant", and just plain "terrible taste in music"? It's a subjective decision that you must make, my friend. Personally, I would prefer a girlfriend with the same taste - that's obvious. But even more important than their car's programmed radio stations is how they react to my passion for music. If I make her a mix CD, is she going to listen to it? Is she open to sampling new bands? Going to concerts? A great attitude can counterbalance any horrible album collection. (At least, that's what I tell myself.)

As for question #2, I'll leave that to Tornado Slide's faithful readers and rockers. I think your school of rock teaching plan is solid, but it might have to be pared down. Asking her to rock with The Rolling Stones for a few days is reasonable, but the follow-up punch of Thin Lizzy seems like overkill. And if it seems like overkill to me, you can bet your ass that your lady will feel overwhelmed, and possibly wish you harm.

Rock hard, and tread lightly.

Paul Week Part 2 - Now That's What I Call Phil Collins

Paul wrote on 01/20/2006 08:15:09 AM:

hey dan,

i know my last few e-mails have been about phil collins, but i just heard "invisible touch" this morning, and now i can't get it out of my head. this has given me an idea.


as we have previously discussed, the number of phil covers has grown large over the past few years. so, i was thinking why don't we turn the tables and have phil release an all-covers album of current/recent music. lets let phil cash in on other people for once. just think about it, you could have phil covering gwen stefani's "holla back girl", outkast, weezer's "beverly hills", etc. i challenge you to find a person that wouldn't buy this album. by the way, if you could pick 3 songs to have phil cover, what would they be?

paul



For my answer to Paul's difficult question, I limited myself to recently released, Top 40ish songs that sincerely think Phil Collins could handle.

The White Stripes - My Doorbell
I'm thinking Phil could handle this one OK, channelling his "I Can't Dance" days.

Nickelback - Whatever Nickelback song is on the radio now
I'm proud to announce that I haven't heard their latest single, but I do remember that blasted "like a paperback novel" song. Phil would be all over that.

Kanye West - Golddigger
Phil Collins can't rap (or dance, per his own admission), but I'd like to hear him sing Jamie Foxx's lines on "Golddigger".

Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends
Phil would retool the arrangement to fit his unique voice, and the result would be powerful. He would also retool the video, switching out hot young actress Evan Rachel Wood with a claymation female.

Death Cab For Cutie - Soul Meets Body
If you've heard the Postal Service cover of "Against All Odds", you know that Ben Gibbard and Phil Collins are interchangeable.

Coldplay - Any Coldplay song ever
Think about it.

Paul Week Part 1 - You're Dangerous

Paul and I exchanged emails on Friday about Top Gun (I guess everyone's got shitty movies on their mind). We manage to waste most of the day without broaching the subject of Tom Cruise's awkward licking of Kelly McGillis.

> a couple of things for your friday......
>
> 1)this is the 3rd day in a row i've woken up with
> toto's "hold the line" in my head. this could be the
> first sign of insanity.
>
> 2)here are the three songs i heard while in the shower
> this morning:
> a)"danger zone" by the immortal kenny loggins
> b) kiss "lick it up"
> c) eddie money "i wanna go back"
>
> after hearing this string of songs i figured that i
> must have time-warped back to 1985 without knowing it
> or this is the start to one amazing weekend. by the
> way, after hearing "danger zone", i began to think
> about the beach volleyball scene in the movie. is
> this the most uncomfortable scene for a heterosexual
> male to watch in cinema history? now i know i haven't
> seen brokeback mountain, but at least you know what
> you're getting when you go in there. the top gun
> scene just comes out of nowhere with four shirtless
> men playing beach volleyball with a cheap 80s song as
> the soundtrack. your thoughts?

I haven't seen the beach volleyball scene in a long time, but I chuckled just now thinking about the tiny Tom Cruise trying to play beach volleyball. Poor Goose got stuck with a lemon for a partner. And I can't remember what song was used in the background - was it "Playing With The Boys" by Kenny Loggins? (I cheated and looked up my choices on the amazon soundtrack page.) I think it was, which makes it even more uncomfortable.

PLUS, if you were our age back when Top Gun reigned supreme, you OWNED that soundtrack, and you listened to it pretty much non-stop. You know that had to make our fathers uncomfortable - two Kenny Loggins tracks?
Loverboy? Miami Sound Machine? Poor Dad.

[NOTE: I have a lot of TG soundtrack memories that I didn't share here with Paul, most notably that I would play the TG anthem on my cassette player as I pretended to be a pro wrestler. I would stand on my bed, jump, and drop the elbow onto my opponent - my pillow - while listening to the TG anthem's tasty electric guitar.]

And what about the locker room scenes? Did these guys really need a locker room? Aren't they pilots? Couldn't they just suit up in their bunks?

I saw a quote from Val Kilmer recently - I guess he plays a gay character in the movie "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang", and he was asked if it was the first time he had a gay role. The quote was, "Only if you don't count Top Gun."

Toto might be in your head because they were featured in a Scrubs episode this week.

> i couldnt' remember the name of the song that was
> playing during the beach volleyball scene, but it is
> "Playing With The Boys" by Kenny Loggins. And yes,
> that definitely makes the scene 20 times more uncomfortable
> to watch. To give a quick recap of the series of events
> that occur during that part of the movie:
>
> 1. beach volleyball scene where appropriate attire is
> a pair of tight jeans and aviator sun glasses. i
> mean, really, who wears jeans to play volleyball?
>
> 2. an awkward moment consisting of a pose/flex and
> rebel yell by rick rossovich ("slider")(and don't ask
> me how or why i know his real name)
>
> 3. the game ends and cruise immediately hops on his
> motorcycle and speeds off to his lady's beachfront
> property
>
> 4. upon arriving, they listen to a little otis
> redding, which made me almost like this scene except
> for the fact that cruise is sporting his flight jacket
> while still inside the house
>
> 5. cruise then states that he's going to take a
> shower, and this is where i get creeped out if i'm
> kelly mcgillis (sp?). a student comes over to your
> house for the first time ever fresh off a scene out of
> "the birdcage" and now he wants to take a shower at
> your place. who is this guy? i mean, get real.
>
> all in all, it makes for a ludicrous 20 minutes of
> theatre. for some reason, it almost brings me to
> anger thinking about it. does this mean i spend way
> too much time thinking about meaningless things?

So, to recap, the soundtrack moves briskly from "Playing With The Boys" to "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay" to "Take My Breath Away". Makes sense. Makes perfect sense. Jerry Bruckheimer, you've done it again.

Forget who wears JEANS to play volleyball - who plays volleyball at all? When was the last time four men decided to play beach volleyball without the company of women?

This chat may have upset us more than we know. Let's resolve to make it a Top Gun free weekend. In fact, the only movie I'll allow myself to watch this weekend is Underworld 2. No surprises there - just vampires fighting werewolves.

> good point about the sequence of songs. i've been so
> disoriented about the visual sequence of events that i
> totally blocked out the audio component. but, i guess
> all this passed for a blockbuster back in 1986.
>
> yeah, i'm definitely not letting top gun steal this
> weekend from me. six coronas into the mix tonight and
> i'll be telling myself that men really do get together
> and play beach volleyball in places other than the
> ymca.
>
> one last gripe about this movie, and then i swear i'm
> done with it. okay, their "top gun" school is in
> miramar, ca, which i think is around the san diego
> area. obviously, it's warm there year round. so why
> is cruise wearing a bomber jacket in 75% of the
> non-flying scenes? those things are designed to be
> like the warmest coat around, yet he's in southern cal
> and it's pretty much sewed onto him. there, i'm done
> thinking about it. or as phil hartman (playing frank
> sinatra) said "i'm done with you, baby, your money's
> on the dresser." farewell, top gun, i barely knew
> you.

I just looked up miramar, and yes, it's the northern part of San Diego, where it's always sunny, non-bomber-jacket weather. Hilarious observation.

I just remembered my first opportunity to see Top Gun - I was at my friend Justin's place, and his family gave me the choice of watching the VHS Top Gun or Back to the Future. I had to pick BTTF, because I promised my dad I would "save" Top Gun for him. Had he known its unsettling, beach volleyball-featuring contents, I'm not so sure we would have watched it together, or at all.

The Other Archives - Love Song

Excerpt of an old e-mail Paul sent:

as for the cure lyric that i stole, i'm going to have to first give some background on the situation. this freshman girl who i had been seeing for like 2 weeks was over one night and she was in a really bad mood. it was fairly early in the school year, and she was really homesick. so, being the consolation type of guy that i am, i was telling her that alot of people get homesick. in my mind, i was really thinking "how can anyone be homesick? college is the best situation you'll ever have." then, the following dialogue occurred, as best as i can remember:

Her: "Do you ever get homesick?"
Me: (Lying like there's no tomorrow) "Sometimes."
Her: "What makes you feel better?"
Me: "You, because when i'm with you, it makes me feel like i'm home again."

when i told my friends the next day, they almost couldn't believe that i had stooped that low. since then, i've tried to decide if it's more pathetic that i used that line or that she went for it. also, i find it amazing that i was able to get that out without laughing.

The Other Archives - Canadian Karaoke

Paul sent this e-mail to me one year ago. Behold, his Independence Day weekend, 2004:

also, here's a tale from the karaoke mic that i thought you might enjoy. during my trip over the 4th, myself and 3 friends went up to windsor, ontario on the night of the 4th. the festivities kicked off around 4:00, and we found ourselves in a karaoke bar around midnight. for some reason, a hot girl started to karaoke the star-spangled banner. two of my friends and myself thought it was appropriate to join her on stage. so, you had 3 drunk guys and one hot chick singing the anthem to a bar full of canadians. if that wasn't enough to fuel the fire, i felt it was necessary to take the mic over to an american flag hanging on the wall after the singing was over, point to it, and say "these colors don't run" (which may also be the greatest wal-mart t-shirt of all time) while pointing to a table of canadians that had booed during the anthem. needless to say, it didn't go over too well, and we were quickly asked to leave the bar. apparently freedom of speech isn't as valued north of the border as it is here.

I'll be back with a post on Monday.

Karaoke - A Gay Ol' Time

Frequent readers probably assume that Paul is my only friend. Those readers are wrong. I have a couple other friends. Anyway, back to Paul:

i was actually going to e-mail you about a recent topic of discussion. over the past few months, a karaoke craze has swept through the plains of ohio, or at least among my friends. it's become just about an every other week event, and it's sprung many musical arguments among us. the most recent topic is very strange, but i thought i'd appeal to your encyclopedic knowledge of music anyways. here's the issue: we were debating what song would say (assuming two guys are singing together) "these guys appeared heterosexual but they can't be after choosing to sing that in public" the strongest. this discussion was brought on after a torrid performance of roxette's "joyride" last week by two of my friends after which they were heckled. thus far, here are some of the suggestions:

1. any wham / george michael song but particularly "father figure"

2. melissa ethridge "come to my window"

3. village people "in the navy"

4. duran duran "the reflex"

5. chris isaak "wicked game"

6. reo speedwagon "can't fight this feeling"

7. journey "faithfully"

I've sang some karaoke duets with other dudes before, from Simon and Garfunkel's "Cecilia" to REO's "Keep On Loving You". I've also shared a wall with a homosexual, making me eminently qualified to throw in my two cents.

Gay: Peter Gabriel "In Your Eyes"

Not Gay: Hall and Oates (anything by Hall and Oates)

Gay: Foreigner "Cold as Ice"

Gay: REM "Nightswimming"

Gay but don't know it: Big and Rich "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy"

Surprisingly comfortable in their heterosexuality: George Michael and Elton John "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" (the live version)...but only if the first singer does the classic, "Ladies and gentlemen, MISTER ELTON JOHN!!!" before the second verse starts.

(Can you tell I really, really want to give that karaoke performance?)

Now Working Even Harder

My workplace has barred me from viewing anything with "blog" or "blogspot" in the URL (Xanga and blogs with their own domains - I'm looking at you, The Rattler - are still viewable, as is ESPN, MTV, Gawker, Wonkette, and any number of other non work-related sites).

But my problem is not yours - lucky you! Be sure to use your internet freedoms to check out the comments on an earlier post, where Paul has shared the infamous Boogie Nights story.