2022 Soundtrack

I do this every year. These songs are what I loved this year, or what reminds me of this year. I have always strived to sequence them in the best possible order, and I feel that this year's sequence is lackluster. Maybe you won't notice, or maybe you will only notice because I mentioned it right off the bat. Damn it!

My yearly soundtrack used to fit on an 80-minute CD, which was burned and mailed to friends. I wonder, now that it exists as an internet link, if it has more or less staying power. Is it heard once and never again, as its listeners dive back into the content the algorithm provides? Or do my friends listen multiple times until they focus on the new music of the next year? Or do they exclusively listen to my soundtrack archives, foregoing new music year-round until I bless them with something new every December?

This playlist is on Spotify at https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4Y2yQJNJjYFa5pOVrpB14i?si=197a493a93d34054. Keep reading and you'll also find a YouTube playlist version.  

Previous soundtracks can be found at Spotify here.

1. Porridge Radio - 7 Seconds
I was listening to a performance from their new album and they closed with this song, which was released between their first album and their new one. The new album is good but I love this single. And as I pulled up the YouTube link while writing this, I decided to make one big YouTube playlist for this entire soundtrack. In some instances it’s the exact video I watched one or multiple times this year, and in some cases I grabbed any live performance I could find that had decent video and audio quality. 

2. Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever - Dive Deep

I woke up before dawn to drive to the airport, on my way to my conference in Louisville. At the kiosk to check my bag, it said I was too late. 2022, the first year I missed a flight. I drove all the way back home, went to Paul’s baseball game, and then drove back to the airport and successfully boarded a flight. When I was at O’Hare, looking at the framed displays of aerial photographs of O’Hare from its inception to current day, headphones on, waiting to board the Louisville flight, this song came on and gave me a boost of energy. This was my most listened to song of 2022. 

3. Wet Leg - Being in Love

Of course, you know Chaise Lounge from the 2021 Soundtrack, and yes it does feel great to have been on the cutting edge of taste by loving Wet Leg in 2021 before their breakout album was released in 2022. While I think Wet Dream is a better song, I chose Being in Love for 2022 because it’s the opening track, and I smashed that play button to listen to the album many times throughout the year. 

4. America - Sister Golden Hair

I am still often streaming movies that look like they will be an exact 5 out of 10. Hulu has a 2016 movie titled Miss Stephens that costars a pre-fame Timothee Chalamet? Sure, okay. Sister Golden Hair is prominently featured, the titular Miss Stephens and Timothee’s character sing along with it on a road trip. This was a #1 Billboard hit, you know. There’s a Stereogum.com column about #1s that I continued to read in 2022, and I went back and read the writeup on this one. Pretty crazy that America had two #1 hits and they are both impersonations of more famous artists’ sounds. And when your band’s sound is to steal other band’s sounds, people get confused. That’s why I had to correct a coworker at an autumn happy hour, after she said one of Simon & Garfunkel’s songs was A Horse With No Name.  

5. Yonaka - Seize the Power

The She Hulk series premiered on Disney+ this year. I would turn on the TV at night and think, “What day is this? Is this new She Hulk day?” because it was a funny show, and because every summer night feels the same. Remember before streaming, when you knew what night it was? Last night was Top Chef night, so tonight is Parks and Rec night? Yeah. So there was an episode featuring Megan Thee Stallion, and when this song came on during the closing credits I initially thought it must be one of her songs. Whoops, it’s by a weird English alternative rock band. Not even close, you out of touch dumbass.

6. Harry Styles - As It Was

Whoa, a Top 40 song on my soundtrack? One I heard for the first time on terrestrial radio while driving? Like how people used to hear songs for the first time? This was in my head for a few days while vacationing at Lake of the Ozarks, and that shit got real old real quick. Then I later read this tweet and thought, man, As It Was and The Weeknd’s songs kinda are just takes on Take On Me?

7. Cilla Black - You’re My World

I checked out a BLU RAY from the LIBRARY and placed the disc in my PLAYSTATION 4 and turned on my STEREO RECEIVER so I could experience Edgar Wright’s Last Night in Soho with the finest audio and video output available. It was great! This song is featured!

8. Alvvays - Pomeranian Spinster

Finally, a new Alvvays album! Worth the wait! It friggin rocks!

9. Black Country New Road - The Place Where He Inserted the Blade

I think I heard about this band from Stereogum. When I listened to the album it wasn’t what I expected, and I wasn’t excited to listen to it again, but I flagged this song and kept coming back to it during the year. 

10. Alice in Chains - Angry Chair

I heard this first thing one morning, right around 8 when I fired up the bluetooth speaker and turned on the Minneapolis’ The Current radio station app. A nice, hard, abrasive song - it got me pretty pumped up to stare at my laptop all day. While we’re on the subject, here’s how I was listening to music in 2022:

Working from home:

• The Current, via bluetooth speaker, in the living room. This was pretty routine until the app became unusably glitchy for an unknown reason. 
• Amazon Music, via bluetooth speaker, in the living room. We have an old phone we use for the kids’ to message/video call their friends, and we have Amazon Music on it too. But then the app updates made it unusable on that phone, so I had the idea to switch to
• Amazon Music, via Roku app, in the basement. So I play it through the TV, through the receiver, through the good speakers and subwoofer. Amazon’s streaming quality is actually not as good as  
• Spotify Music, via Roku app, in the basement, through the same TV/receiver setup. But I don’t pay for Spotify so I get ads, which is fine, except that they don’t normalize the volume so I hear Jill Scott singing about Nationwide Insurance at twice the volume of the music.

In the office:

• Bandcamp, via headphones. I’ll pick a album I want to check out, see if it’s on the Bandcamp app, and listen. I don’t listen much at work anymore.

In the car:

• I am almost finished with the task I started when I bought my car in early 2021 - listening to all of my non-burned CDs in alphabetical order. I’m up to U2! It’s taking a long time because I am listening to podcasts in the car unless I’m driving with the kids.

Other:

• If I don’t want to start another show or movie but I don’t want to go to bed, I might watch some YouTube-recommended music videos or live performances.

11. The Beths - Knees Deep

I love the production on this album and I wish every rock album sounded as crisp as this. 

12. Skid Row - 18 and Life

This popped up when I selected the Hair Metal station on Amazon Music. Paul and I were doing something together… probably putting together a robot hedgehog that had a million plastic pieces we had to snip off and assemble? It prompted me to listen to the first Skid Row album. It was fun but I didn’t listen to it twice.

13. Spoon - My Babe

I bought this CD on sale at my local record store. I still do that sometimes. If I like something a lot I buy it on Bandcamp, or sometimes it’s only like a buck more to go buy the CD if it’s on sale.

14. First Aid Kit - A Feeling that Never Came

There are multiple good songs on this album that I could have chosen, but I picked this one because the melody is so unique.

15. Metric - Comes Crashing Down

I do not have anything special to say about this. Remember when Brie Larson sang a Metric song in Scott Pilgrim? And then she won and Oscar and became a Marvel superhero but now the only time you see her is in commercials for Nissan?

16. Beach Bunny - Oxygen

I went to her concert early this year. I found it odd that neither her guitarist nor bassist had a microphone for backup vocals. She can really belt it out live, and I was surprised that I could discern that at The Granada, which must have upgraded its sound system during the Covid shutdown. Speaking of the pandemic, the band requested masks at the show, and maybe 5% of the audience wore one. That was the vibe of 2022.

17. Peaness - How I’m Feeling

I discovered this through Fluxblog’s spotify list.

18. The Joy Formidable - Whirring

This is several years old, but I had never heard this band before this song caught my attention while listening to The Current.

19. The Jayhawks - All the Right Reasons

Corinne convinced me to see The Jayhawks at Knuckleheads, thank god, because they played the fucking hits all night long. She gasped when this song started, and happily this was one song during the set that was not interrupted by the terrible metal-on-metal screeching braking trains on the track that borders the outdoor venue. 

20. Lisa Loeb - This 

Lizzy’s local eye doctor retired, and the new eye doctor called and said they could no longer see her as a patient because no one was certified to assist with her binocular vision. “Her what?” I asked, as her previous doctor had never told us this was her diagnosis. So I found a doctor for her in the KC area, and drove her over to her first appointment, Lisa Loeb’s Firecracker CD as the soundtrack. The sound production on the album is really good. Maybe it doesn’t come across as you will listen to it on a bluetooth stream, but man, trust me you can distinctly hear every instrument on that CD. I listened to the album on the way back to Lawrence, too, and that’s when we ate some ramen and Lizzy picked out her new glasses, sparkly cat-eye frames! Just like Lisa Loeb, but with another musical connection - the frames are Gwen Stefani’s brand. 

21. Arcade Fire - The Lightning I and II

Ah, well, in the beginning of 2022 we were enjoying a pretty decent new Arcade Fire album (and they did a fun cover of As It Was!). Then we learned that Win Butler went through… a… phase?... where he was a sex-crazed emotional abuser? You can’t be abusive at worst and problematic at best and write hopeful anthems. That ain’t gonna square up. If your songs had the lyrical content of, say, One Week by the Barenaked Ladies, maybe your audience could turn off their brain knowledge and enjoy your nonsense songs. Arcade Fire isn’t that. I don’t see a path forward. Oh well.

22. Jane Inc - 2120

Another song I liked on Fluxblog’s spotify playlist. I couldn’t find a good spot for it on my soundtrack so it’s at the bottom. Ah man, I should have made it track 22. That would have been so tight.

2016 Recap - Visual Content

Only a broadcast as dull as the Oscars and a host as uninspiring as Jimmy Kimmel could bring me to blog my blogs about the films of 2016. Since I only saw three 2016 movies in the theater, I am expanding my list to movies I later saw on television or DVD or streaming or whatever, plus TV shows. TV shows! Much like a film, these shows also use cameras and scripts, and are basically the same thing nowadays, you know?

From best to worst, here is notable 2016 visual content that I consumed!

OJ: Made in AmericaI purposely avoided FX PRESENTS: CUBA GOODING AND JOHN TRAVOLTA SHOW YOU THE REAL OJ SIMPSON because word on the street was this doc was gonna be so great. It was worth the wait. And sure, maybe the 9 hours of my life I dumped into examining some things I already knew about influenced its ranking at #1.

Stranger ThingsI worried this would be, like, a human centipede of E.T. and The Goonies and such other '80s movies. It wasn't!

Better Call SaulI mean, forget about it! Bob Odenkirk, please be my uncle!

The Good PlaceEveryone is talkin' 'bout that finale, but I gotta say, it was great even before that!

The Americans

Oooh, I sure didn't like the confession at the end of the previous season. Didn't like that! But I should have known that the writers would handle it great, because one of those guys faved my tweet once!

The Nice Guys
Whoa, this was so funny and so good!

Search Party

This was TBS very funny!

Popstar: Never Stop Stopping
This movie bombed and everybody can slam a dick, it's great!

DeadpoolI rented this so I could listen to the Hollywood Handbook podcast that was primarily about the movie. Good move by me!

Doctor StrangeIt had some problems, as my man Patrick Walsh and his man Joe DeRosa illustrated in this podcast, but you can't complain too much when you are watching a 3D movie about superheroes.

Star Trek Beyond
Not too shabby!

Midnight SpecialYou see more and more famous actors keep popping in as the movie goes along and you worry, "Uh oh, if it's got this many famous actors in it and never was in theaters, it must really suck!" but it's pretty cool!

The Beatles: Eight Days a Week - The Touring YearsFootage of screaming teenage girls, footage of concerts. B+!

La La LandMeh

Captain America: Civil WarZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz please shut up and fight somebody! People gave the Star Wars prequels grief for being all about galactic senatorial filibustering, but the constant Avengers chatter about who should watch the watchmen is such the opposite of why I watch.

The Magnificent SevenThis really rides the line between good and serviceable.

Hail, Caesar!

I was disappointed by this Coen Bros flick, but I can't put my finger on why other than to say it was a little boring?

Straight Outta Compton

What a long, long movie.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of JusticeI am counting the 15 minutes I saw on Starz or whatever as viewing the entire movie. Boy oh boy, not good!

Still Stellar

I re-watched an episode of Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp last night, and while that series was nearly everything I hoped for, I would still rank Stella as the greatest thing that David Wain or Michael Ian Black or Mikey Sho has done. (You likely remember Stella from my January 2005 post about the series being picked up by Comedy Central.)

Fast Company recently interviewed the Stella three, and I have compiled the dildo-related portions, including a Confucius-level final thought from David Wain:

DW: The shorts were pretty raunchy and crazy and unrestrained in just about every way.

MIB: The tone, the absurdity, the dildos—all of it just came pretty naturally. Whatever we thought was funny, we did. The stakes were so low. And the thing with the dildo was, once you buy one, you kind of have to amortize the cost. So we kept using it.

DW: We didn't think the show was nearly as left-of-center as I guess, in retrospect, it was. We thought we were doing the very mainstream, commercial version of what we do. But I suppose that it takes more than abstaining from sucking on dildos to make something truly mainstream.

Jelly remover for photo albums, you guys.


David's Cousin from TheState on Vimeo.

Better Binge Saul

Tomorrow's looking good!

7:30

James will pick up Muncher’s donuts

shared donuts=6 mini orange rolls

Dan’s main donut=cream cheese donut

James’ main donut=

Dan will grab spicy bloody mary mix and snacks:

    snack1=cheese puffs

    snack2=nuts

Dan will just make drip coffee because it’ll taste good enough with the donuts.

8:00

Begin episode 2

8:45

Begin episode 3

9:30

Begin episode 4

10:15

Break. Bloody Mary prep.

10:30

Begin episode 5

11:15

Place order for Harold’s

Begin episode 6

12:00

Break. Walk to Harold’s for lunch. Walk back.

1:30

Begin episode 7

2:15

Begin episode 8

3:00

Break. Drink final beer of day.

3:15

Begin episode 9

4:00

Begin episode 10

4:45

End.

Broke Bad

I've mentioned About a Boy before. It was my first exposure to Nick Hornby, and it was also the first book I ever read within a 24-hour period, thanks to a summer by myself in my college apartment.

In the novel, one of Hornby's characters talked about why he could never commit suicide -- there was always at least one thing he was looking forward to. The example I remember given was the excitement over what would happen in the next episode of NYPD Blue.

Now Breaking Bad is over. I loved it, I looked forward to it every Sunday night for years, and it's over.

And you could say that's one less reason to live, but it's not. It's such a good feeling to arrive at the end, and it's life-affirming when art affects you like this. And it's exciting to know that one day there could be another great show or movie or album that you love this much.

Television Roundup - Winter 2012

Television shows I’m currently making time to view, in order from most consistently enjoyable to less so, bearing in mind that God don’t make no junk but TV networks do, but I don’t watch no junk unless it happens to be what Kim wants to watch while I occupy myself online:


Archer
This shouldn’t be a surprise, since it’s written by the same guy who created Sealab 2021, and I own all those DVDs.


Parks & Recreation
Aside from its general hilariousness, it’s got even more going for it. You can count on some physical comedy from Chris Pratt, and the show almost always puts you in a happy mood.


Happy Endings
Very snappy dialogue, an no shortage of puns, unique abbreviations, and fun phrases. I think of Damon Wayans saying, “Daddy likes a deep tuck” every time I don an undershirt.


Delocated
The most recent episode centered on potato skins. A full half-hour of television. Absurd without being aggressively absurd, a la Tim & Eric.


30 Rock
Still strong.


Chopped (via DVR)
You can fly through a recorded episode in 35 minutes, skipping over the inter-chef and judge chit-chat that makes it unwatchable live. If the producers would stop forcing the contestants to constantly mention their personal “hook” -- my mother died, I’m trying to win for her, etc etc -- I’d have no complaints. Well, except maybe the dessert round, give those guys 10 additional minutes so they can BAKE, yo! French toast ain’t no goddamned dessert!!


Top Chef
We should probably DVR this as well, but it’s a Wednesday night tradition.


An Idiot Abroad
Makes you feel good about your limited vacations.


SNL
At its worst, still funnier than 90% of television.


The Office
At its worst, still funnier than 89% of television.


The Soup
Inessential, but a breezy way to spend 30 minutes.


The Walking Dead
I suppose it’s a good sign that there’s only one show I watch to mock, and I suppose it’s higher quality trash than reality shows on Bravo or TLC. So, good for me?


Conan (via DVR)
Daily Show (first 10 or 20 minutes)
CBS This Morning 
The usual schedule is record Conan, watch the Daily Show’s first segment or two before bed, then wake up and see what Charlie Rose is talking about. Charlie Motherfucking Rose is in the house! CBS is in serious danger of airing a news program in the morning, with no chuckling between annoying weathermen and softball-question-lobbing anchors. If I don’t care to hear the latest news, I watch Conan’s previous night’s monologue while eating cereal.



*  *  *

Television greivances, in no particular order:


Arby’s spokesman that sings “It’s Good Mood Fooooooood!”
Soaring higher on my list of Most Punchable Humans. Also, no it isn’t. There’s a reason why The Simpsons coined the phrase, “I’m so hungry I could eat at Arby’s.”


The Bud Light Platinum advertising campaign
Would someone inform the idiots at Anheiser-Busch that the people who drink Bud Light DON’T GIVE A SHIT HOW THEIR BEER TASTES?! You won the light domestic beer battle. That’s not a compliment, but it seems to be a fact. Anyway, you can stop innovating. Just keep pumping out the same old swill and your loyal customers will drink it.


The low-rent cable ads, especially during Comedy Central programming
Dipped strawberries? Just the type product that is best ordered via telephone. Sexytime phone chat lines? In this digital age, I don’t understand how could those still be in business, let alone profitable. Catheters? Yikes. I’ll stick with the strawberries.


The guys Zooey shares an apartment with on “New Girl”
I find them all unlikeable.

The Walking Dumb - Season 2 Episode 6

floyd: hi

dn: hello

dn: how are you?

floyd: not bad

floyd: yourself?

dn: I'm glad we have a holiday tomorrow. Happy Thanksgiving!

dn: you hate Thanksgiving food though

floyd: I don't hate it

floyd: just kind of meh

floyd: to most of it

floyd: turkey is no McRib

dn: the McRib could be made of turkey for all we know

floyd: there's probably some in there

floyd: somewhere

dn: you know what else if full of turkeys? THIS SHOW!

floyd: I'm trying really hard to think of a Thanksgiving joke

dn: John Wayne would say, "It's tough to do, Pilgrim."

dn: Pilgrim? Thanksgiving?

floyd: um ... eating turkey makes me feel like a zombie?

floyd: you know

floyd: because it makes you drowsy?

dn: i get it

floyd: I have 11 condoms left?

dn: I get jokes

dn: So episode 6

dn: last season was only 6 episodes long

dn: so such luck this year

dn: the episode begins with one of the farm ladies feeding the barn zombies

floyd: right

dn: fuck man

dn: can you believe I wrote that sentence?

dn: and that sentence refers to a show I watch every week?

floyd: and she breaks the leg of the one chicken, needlessly graphic, so that the zombies are attracted to the movement or something

floyd: I guess?

floyd: is that what happened?

dn: I assume it's so the zombies can catch it

dn: instead of the chicken running circles around them

floyd: well, chickens are notoriously more agile than woodchucks

floyd: or cows, I guess?

floyd: wouldn't the chicken eventually just get tired, though?

floyd: the zombies wouldn't swarm the chicken?

floyd: it just seemed needlessly cruel

floyd: I cared about 200 times more about that chicken than I do about Sophia, for example

floyd: Sophia is the missing girl

floyd: that's a bad sign

dn: I think they have probably tried NOT breaking the chickens' legs before

dn: trial and error has resulted in this method

floyd: ha

floyd: the zombies just eventually gave up

floyd: because zombies do that

floyd: they get bored and just give up sometimes

dn: who knows?

dn: maybe a healthy chicken pecked one of their eyes out

floyd: who cares?

dn: so at the end of this episode, we see a herd of cattle in the background

dn: and like you just pointed out

dn: zombies eat chickens and woodchucks

floyd: your catching that really made me laugh

dn: I guess barbed wire is doing the job for those cows

floyd: zombies are Hindu?

floyd: IT'S ALL MAKING SENSE

dn: haha

floyd: this show is just an Imperial British racist drama

floyd: it's all just an allegory

floyd: now I kind of want to write that screenplay

dn: it writes itself, really

floyd: "Everybody knows that the British brutally oppressed the Indians"

floyd: "What my show presupposes is ... maybe the Indians deserved it?"

floyd: -- pitch of The Walking Dead

dn: haha

dn: so this episode starts, and little Carl gets in trouble for stealing a handgun

floyd: haha

floyd: oh, Carl

floyd: what a Freudian mess that kid is

floyd: he gets shot, and then he wants to get closer to the gun

dn: and Grimes and Mrs Grimes argue about if they should teach the kid to shoot

dn: which should NOT EVEN BE AN ARGUMENT

floyd: actually, aren't they arguing over whether their small child should be able to carry a loaded gun around?

floyd: and Rick's totally for it

floyd: because Rick is somehow a worse parent than Lori

dn: I thought it was just teaching him how to shoot and whatnot

dn: since no one is supposed to be carrying guns

dn: per Hershel's orders

floyd: man, that rule just went by the wayside

floyd: Hershel is kind of a pushover

dn: so is Lori, because Rick wins and lil' Carl immediately starts shooting at empty bottles

dn: as do like 6 other people in this little gun class they start

dn: lots of bullets shot in this episode

floyd: bullets are virtually unlimited in the zombie apocalypse

floyd: contrary to popular belief, they do NOT become currency

floyd: or maybe that comes later

floyd: since the worst group of survivors ever is just wasting them left and right

floyd: shooting them at each other, even!

dn: next plot point: Short Round spills the beans about the barn zombies to old man Dale, so Dale confronts Hershel about it

dn: and Hershel explains that the barn zombies are his wife, etc, and he wants to keep them around

dn: in case a cure is found

dn: and feed them limping chickens

floyd: a cure for rotting corpses

dn: even though zombies don't need nourishment, I'm pretty sure

floyd: who knows what they need in this world

floyd: it hasn't been addressed much

floyd: if they do need nourishment, it doesn't seem to keep them from rotting

dn: yeah what's up with that?

dn: and I was thinking today about their clothes

dn: seems like zombies lose weight over time

dn: I'd like to see them shuffling around with pants around their ankles

floyd: haha

floyd: I'm sure you would, pervert

dn: it's a very specific fetish

dn: and I REFUSE to be silent or ashamed about it

floyd: this isn't an erotic zombie drama

floyd: God, is it not erotic

floyd: speaking of a total lack of eroticism, Shane and Andrea do it in a car

floyd: poll: More or less disgusting than when Shane banged Lori?

floyd: I say less

dn: probably less, because there is less camera time on the actual event

dn: post-apocalyptic sex in a Hyundai

dn: that's livin!

floyd: Hyundai? More like Fun-day!

floyd: I hate myself

dn: Finally for this episode, Lori asks Short Round to make another pharmacy run, and he brings back MORNING AFTER PILLS for the pregnancy she is weeks into

dn: to her credit, she does say she doesn't know if they will still work

floyd: only because she thinks they expire

floyd: like vodka

dn: and I guess she couldn't tell Glen to pick her up some Pennyroyal Tea or RU486

dn: or U571

floyd: or a coat hanger

dn: wait - was that my joke?

floyd: it was

dn: God, I'm the best

floyd: here's the thing

floyd: if Lori really wanted an abortion

floyd: which, by the way, is a terribly irresponsible thing to do in a zombie apocalypse, given that the human race has been almost completely wiped out

floyd: there's an animal doctor right inside that could probably help somehow

floyd: I mean, I get that she doesn't trust Hershel

floyd: but you know, taking abortion pills weeks after they're supposed to work seems like a pretty poor idea, too

dn: so glad she has this plotline

dn: love to see more camera time for Lori

dn: she's the best, and not at all a horrible skeleton bitch

floyd: yep, it's why I tune in

floyd: for normal life dramas set in a fantastic apocalyptic world

dn: anyway, she takes the pills then IMMEDIATELY vomits them back up

dn: instead of just taking ONE extra minute to make a decision

floyd: a real blow to the pro-choice movement

floyd: so does Rick catch her?

dn: and then Grimes finds out and they have a boring talk about it

floyd: right

floyd: well, it's pretty exciting, for this show

dn: and he's like, "Anything else?"

dn: "Well, I boned Shane."

floyd: and then he doesn't even really care that much

dn: "Oh. That's fine." 
floyd: see, that should have been the breaking point

floyd: Jesus, they have a chance for some real drama and they just defuse it by making Rick understanding

floyd: I mean, we'll see what happens, I guess

floyd: I guess ...

dn: we have to see what happens

dn: we're pretty committed to this bullshit

The Walking Dumb - Season 2 Episode 5

[After a week delay, we are still doing this. Hopefully we'll be caught up with the current episode (#6) by tomorrow night.]

floyd: hi

dn: heeeey

dn: it's the Tyler Palko era!

floyd: this is the worst chat room ever

dn: why?

floyd: it causes Chrome to crash

floyd: Chrome!

floyd: it keeps having connection errors

floyd: ok, maybe it's settled in now?

dn: so how about opening it with Explorer or Firefox

dn: or Netscape?

floyd: Explorer?

floyd: good one

floyd: ok, I think it's good to go

dn: like your mom

dn: Episode 5

dn: starts with a flashback

dn: people watch as Atlanta gets napalm dropped on it

floyd: which explains all the burned-out buildings we saw in the first season

dn: does napalm kill zombies?

dn: it would, right?

floyd: well, I imagine it would melt their brains

floyd: but that's the only way it would work

floyd: also, it seemed to have done a really shitty job

dn: haha. yeah

floyd: considering Atlanta was still crawling with zombies

floyd: sorry, WALKERS

dn: have they ever used the word "zombie" on this show?

floyd: not that I can remember

dn: huh

floyd: this show inhabits a world where the word zombie never existed

floyd: for some reason

dn: so this show is big on flashbacks

dn: but the one flashback I'd like to see

dn: is one involving Grimes and his wife

dn: i'd like to see why they got married

floyd: haha

dn: because she is always such a whiny sourpuss

floyd: I was just going to joke about that

floyd: yeah, she's not pleasant to be around

floyd: ever

floyd: has she even smiled yet in the entire show?

dn: maybe a flashback to them at a roller rink or something

dn: or seeing Gallagher smash a watermelon

dn: she'd laugh then!

floyd: doing blow off of a Duran Duran vinyl

floyd: Lori desperately scrambling around the house to flush the drugs

floyd: when the cops are arresting Ray Liot- I mean, Rick

dn: haha i get it

dn: so this episode focuses on the redneck

dn: he takes a horse and goes looking for the little girl

dn: and WHOOPS the redneck falls down a ravine

dn: the redneck is hurt badly. will he survive? will he make it back to the farmhouse?

dn: will we have to watch him nurse his injury for the next 4 weeks?

floyd: yeah, Daryl takes a horse without asking

floyd: Hershel's not pleased, but we've realized by now that Hershel is all bark and no bite

dn: Southern gentleman

floyd: and we find out that the horse was the nervous one

floyd: scared by a rattlesnake

floyd: this is one of the things that really bothered me

floyd: this is a show about zombies

dn: WALKERS

floyd: allegedly

floyd: why is there a rattlesnake scaring anything?

floyd: it really easily could have been a zombie

floyd: come on

dn: haha. yeah. or a skeleton

dn: or a snake squirming out of a zombie's skull

dn: but nope, just a snake chillin' on the ground

floyd: ANYTHING

floyd: other than what happened

floyd: what a bunch of crap

floyd: "well, we need Daryl to fall down for some reason. Any ideas, guys?"

floyd: ".... I got it!!"

floyd: "I bet you're going to say a zom-- "

floyd: "A rattlesnake could scare the horse!"

floyd: "right, that could work, good job Hugh"

floyd: because one of the writers is named Hugh

floyd: he went to Harvard

dn: haha

floyd: his father got him the job

dn: "The boys at the Lampoon will get a kick out of this!"

dn: finishing the storyline-

dn: he hallucinates from the pain of having an arrow in his side

dn: a WALKER wakes him up by ALMOST biting him

dn: so he shoots one with an arrow

floyd: ha, it was gnawing on his shoe

floyd: nothing's more terrifying than monsters so stupid that they go for your shoe rather than your neck when you're unconscious

dn: and kills another

dn: and then just kind of heals himself?

dn: through the power of "gettin' mean"?

floyd: adrenaline

dn: always a pet peeve of mine

dn: this guy fell down a cliff

dn: TWICE

dn: and has lost blood

dn: but he just cuts open a squirrel he shot earlier

dn: and eats some raw squirrel guts

dn: for a boost of energy

dn: PROBLEM SOLVED

floyd: he's a redneck Popeye

dn: haha exactly

dn: it's like when football coaches say their team isn't being tough enough

dn: "We just need to get tougher!"

floyd: it's like when football coaches get really racist for no good reason

floyd: "You know who wins if you die? The n*****s, that's who!"

dn: so he trudges back to the farmhouse

dn: and Andrea, the horrible blonde, is on WALKER watch

floyd: for some reason

dn: she spots him and a bunch of guys goes to see what's up

floyd: somebody finally let her get her hands on a gun

floyd: a sniper rifle, no less

floyd: and the guys are like "don't shoot, we got this"

dn: and she's like, "GIRL POWER!"

floyd: god she's terrible

dn: she tries to shoot the "Walker"

dn: with her first ever shot from a sniper rifle, and possibly any gun

floyd: but it's Daryl!

floyd: from like 100 yards, too

floyd: in direct disobedience of the armed men that were going to kill the single zombie

floyd: also, given the way this show has gone so far, and given what little Carl had surgery for, what, two days ago?

floyd: she goes ahead and takes the shot that easily could have hit one of the confirmed humans

floyd: this all makes sense, because this is something a person would do in this crazy situation, right?

dn: i noticed when I saw part of a rerun

dn: that she was also shooting into the sun

dn: which is partially why she didn't recognize it as the redneck

dn: and adds another degree of difficulty to the sniper shot

floyd: it's why she only nicked him

dn: still a hell of a shot, really

floyd: an incredible shot

floyd: an unnecessary, extremely dangerous and careless, incredible shot

floyd: really, doing something like this would get a person exiled among responsible humans

floyd: but with Andrea, they're just like "shake it off, we all make mistakes"

dn: if she left, there would only be 2 or 3 people left to constantly nag

dn: the other part of this episode worth mentioning

dn: so Short Round is on the porch when the farmer's daughter, Maggie, comes by

dn: and he says, "I still have 11 condoms left."

dn: pick up line of the decade?

floyd: haha

floyd: Glen sucks

floyd: worst comeback ever? "I don't even know if I like you yet"

floyd: "I'm sorry, did you hear I had 11 wedding rings? Because that's not what I said. I said I had 11 condoms. You know, for fucking."

dn: the worst part of that pick up line

dn: is that it worked, because she later slipped him a note

dn: asking where they should meet that night

dn: she chose to pass the note during dinner

dn: when everyone was in the same room

dn: rather than any other time, when it's easy to communicate secretly

floyd: these are decisions that rational people would make

floyd: not characters that exist solely as plot drivers

dn: as if to make your point, she waits until much later to read his written response

dn: "ever done it in a hayloft?"

floyd: just to recap

floyd: she passed him a note

floyd: during dinner

floyd: so important it couldn't wait

floyd: asking where he wanted to have secret, taboo sex again

floyd: that night!

floyd: and then she waits what appears to have been at least an hour to two to read the response

floyd: MAKES PERFECT SENSE

dn: so she RUNS to the barn

dn: only to see she's too late

dn: Glen has already discovered that WALKERS are kept in the barn

floyd: I realize we're almost done, but this part really, really bugged me

floyd: even though it wasn't surprising at all

floyd: I mean, we knew there was something going on at this weird farm, and it was pretty much directly alluded to when Hershel talked about how he thought he could cure the disease

floyd: but how the fuck are there like 20 zombies being kept in a barn that nobody can detect?

floyd: they don't smell?

dn: maybe the pile manure around the barn to mask the scent of undead flesh

floyd: they don't make noises, or start banging on the doors when they hear people running around shooting each other outside, or dragging zombies out of wells

floyd: I mean, crap, Lori alone has shrieked enough to get those zombies all riled up to start banging on the doors

floyd: like they do at the end of the episode

floyd: and where is this goddam little girl?

floyd: ugh, can they just find Sophia already???

dn: apparently not

dn: they're going to sit and tread water all season