Wednesday, February 13, 2013
2012 Recap - Motion Pictures
2012 films reviewed, from best to worst. Sorry it's a little late, but I wanted to wait until I saw Zero Dark Thirty before I ranked my list. Good thing I did, cuz:
Zero Dark Thirty*
This was very affecting. You have probably read about the scenes depicting detainee torture, or the use of real 9/11 recordings -- these did not impact me as much as less controversial scenes, ones where the historical truths were likely enhanced by a great screenwriter. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe it inspired feelings of true respect and admiration for the people who devote their lives to their (very difficult) jobs. The issues with Argo I discuss below (fact vs fiction regarding movies based on real life, knowing how it ends) do not exist with Zero Dark Thirty.
The Cabin in the Woods*
Original, smart, and the most fun movie watching experience of the year. I’m not very familiar with Joss Whedon type stuff, and his association with it was not a selling point for me; also, I am not very into scary movies. This was a really pleasant surprise. If you haven’t seen it, I recommend watching it without reading any reviews, watching any trailers, or even reading the Netflix summary.
21 Jump Street
I originally had this ranked lower, but is there anything not to like about this movie? I guess you could say the plot is stupid and it’s a cash-grab reboot, but I would counter with: it is very funny when Ice Cube yells at people.
Django Unchained*
It falls a hair short of greatness because of a less than amazing ending, but it’s still excellent and exactly what I want from a Tarantino movie. Well, Inglorious Basterds is technically EXACTLY what I want, but this was good. Really good. DiCaprio plays his role with such gusto that I wish he would choose more absurd roles -- he’d nail Anchorman 2 or Step Brothers 2.
Skyfall*
The Dark Knight Rises*
The Avengers*
I am lumping these together, since they all featured people held captive in places they weren't supposed to be able to escape. And if you count The Dark Knight Rises as a continuation of The Dark Knight, you've got three movies with villains who got caught on purpose. Here’s hoping Hollywood cools it with that plot. I place Skyfall at the top because it looked the nicest, courtesy of the Coen brothers’ cinematographer. Hey, so did he bone Moneypenny in that hotel? Is that left to our imaginations? Seems like he would’ve, but Moneypenny lore tells us that they only flirt. Talking in the Bane voice will be the gift that keeps on giving for years to come, as will jokes about Hawkeye’s uselessness. Congrats on being the new Aquaman, Jeremy Renner! Finally, I am more than a little concerned that the awfulness of Iron Man 2 has hardened my heart too much to love him ever again.
Looper*
Rian Johnson is very good at making movies, and he has become a Wes Anderson, see-whatever-he-makes guy. I could have done without the Rainmaker part of the plot, but the premise and execution were great, especially for a difficult-to-pull-off time travel movie. I look forward to re-watching this every time it’s on TNT. Kudos to me for being super observant and learning that Emily Blunt was the chick in this during the closing credits.
Moonrise Kingdom*
Everything was good except for the McDormand/Willis affair subplot, and the part where the kid got hit by lightning. The latter was the first time I was ever confused by a Wes Anderson scene, unless you count the intentional confusion he sparked when explaining the rules of Whack Ball in The Fantastic Mr. Fox. Oh, also I agree with Gabe at Videogum: "I found the scenes where they were painting and dancing on the beach in their underwear made some people, hard to say which people, a little uncomfortable. Did you know the actress was only 12 at the time of filming? Eek!"
Silver Linings Playbook*
I think David O Russell is great. I loved The Fighter even though I’m never excited to watch boxing, and I Heart Huckabees was much enjoyed. This movie was interestingly directed, even though it was really just a rom com. The camera really moved around and did interesting things. Bradley Cooper impressed me. Still, I wonder if the message of the film was a little too “medicine can’t cure your mental illness, but dancing and the love of a good woman can!”
Argo*
This is a well-assembled film about a historical event. When you know the history, the suspense it removed. Even if you don’t know, you can still be sure that there’s a happy ending. Everybody knows Hollywood wouldn't say, “Hey, remember when we tried to rescue those hostages in Iran, and they got all the way to the airport, but then their cover was blown and they were gruesomely executed? Let’s put it on the silver screen!” I was too conscious of these things to love the movie. Too much, “They had to add this in the script - it’s too silly to have really happened,” and “Whoa it must have cost a fortune to get the license to that Zeppelin song.” So why is there so much awards buzz for Argo but not Zero Dark Thirty? Because Hollywood likes to jerk itself off by congratulating themselves for their not-all-that-spectacular association with the hostage rescue? Way to go, guys! Way to not refuse to do a few small things to help free hostages!
Wanderlust*
Watching this in the theater with my Stella-loving friends = A+. Watching this on video with less invested people = B-.
The Bourne Legacy*
Nick and I saw this because he had promised to see Premium Rush with somebody else. I was not excited to see the new Bourne, but it was good enough to win me over. Rachel Weisz looked shockingly young to me, hubba hubba. The action scenes were fine, but I’m pretty sure this Bourne killed more civilians than the previous one. Security guards and cops are NOT BAD GUYS, Bourne! Or whatever your name is, Bourne Legacy guy!
Haywire*
We psyched ourselves up to see this last winter, when it was the first new movie to be released in weeks that looked bearable. And it was bearable! Punch, kick, Michael Douglas, karate chop, Michael Fassbender, car chase, Dublin rooftops, Antonio Banderas! The only bad thing about seeing Haywire was trying to find someone else who had also seen it.
Jeff, Who Lives at Home
Oh Jeff, will you ever stop living at home? This movie is essentially the bar for a decent rental experience. Above Jeff is good, below Jeff is bad, and equal to Jeff is Jeff. Meh.
The Hunger Games*
I already wrote about my Hunger Games experience in detail. Between the lack of exposition and emotional depth, the CGI was very poor, like a movie the SyFy channel would make.
The Queen of Versailles
Maybe it was an effect of watching it while preparing for a colonoscopy, but I didn’t care for the documentary subjects’ trash reality TV vibe.
*Denotes theater viewing, and the expectations that accompany such ventures
Tuesday, February 05, 2013
On The Wall
Whoa, it's been so long since I've updated you about the walls I stare at every workday. After a year and a half or so, things have changed -- I now have things hanging from all non-window sides!
Straight ahead, you can see part of my mom's Xmas gift, wrapping some old T-shirts I selected around foam board. You've got Lollapalooza '96 on the left, then the front and back of my Smashing Pumpkins' Infinite Sadness Tour shirt, and the back of a Meat Puppets shirt that my brother got me. I always love that Meat Puppets art -- I used to doodle it.
On the right are photos I took of statues while on various trips, framed in the cheapest thing Wal-Mart had to offer. In the middle is the Prometheus from the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden, then the upper left is a WWI soldier from Bushmills, moving clockwise it's U.S. Grant in D.C.; a Civil War cannon dude in Buffalo; some explorer guy in Valparaiso, Chile; somebody on a horse with a sword near the U.S. Grant statue in D.C.; some other guy in a different part of Valparaiso, Chile; Lady Liberty; and Daniel O'Connell on his namesake street in Dublin.
Straight ahead, you can see part of my mom's Xmas gift, wrapping some old T-shirts I selected around foam board. You've got Lollapalooza '96 on the left, then the front and back of my Smashing Pumpkins' Infinite Sadness Tour shirt, and the back of a Meat Puppets shirt that my brother got me. I always love that Meat Puppets art -- I used to doodle it.
On the right are photos I took of statues while on various trips, framed in the cheapest thing Wal-Mart had to offer. In the middle is the Prometheus from the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden, then the upper left is a WWI soldier from Bushmills, moving clockwise it's U.S. Grant in D.C.; a Civil War cannon dude in Buffalo; some explorer guy in Valparaiso, Chile; somebody on a horse with a sword near the U.S. Grant statue in D.C.; some other guy in a different part of Valparaiso, Chile; Lady Liberty; and Daniel O'Connell on his namesake street in Dublin.
Above my free map of Kansas is an absurd assortment of additional T-shirts. From left:
The Red Dawn shirt Shawn designed for Brian's bachelor party.
The 9/11 fundraiser shirt from K-State, which I loved to wear during float trips, to show the rednecks I was a true American. (I will use this in a similar fashion around the office.)
The free shirt distributed at my KSU orientation.
The shirt I got for being a somewhat relevant 6th man for our KSU intramural basketball team, which won the "Independent" league, then I think beat the residence halls champions before losing in the title game to the six-foot-and-under team.
The 3rd Annual Colwich 3-on-3 Basketball Tourney sponsored by the Sacred Heart CYO participant shirt.
On the credenza you can't see at the bottom of the photo rests a framed tile thingy from a Taiwanese former coworker, a block robot Kim gave me several Xmas's ago, and a thermometer I look at every morning before I say, "SIXTY-THREE DEGREES IS UNREASONABLE AND MAKES ME FEEL SO UNAPPRECIATED AND INSULTED."
Sunday, February 03, 2013
The Rest Of The Story
So we all watched this Super Bowl ad with Paul Harvey and pictures of farmers and farms and TRUCKS
It's garbage. I mean, in the sense that it's playing to our sense of an America that no longer exists in an attempt to sell HARDWORKING TRUCKS, it's garbage, but it's also garbage because have you ever met a farmer? There are plenty of farmers who are assholes, you know? If Paul Harvey never met a farmer he didn't like, then Paul Harvey didn't meet too many farmers.
The YouTube comments are superior, as usual:
Sadly, this ad was a slap in our face. These men are gone and the devil has taken over. I grew up on a tractor in Kansas in the 80's and I will tell you the farmer is gone and the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA is gone. It is just a matter of time before the Communists win. They beat Russia in 1917 and the Beat the USA in 2008. Americans will be slaughtered just like the Russians were and there is nothing we can do about it. The Jews win!
FORD = JUNK ford will sacrifice your life in the name of a better ride using low air pressure in a tire because ford refuses to test tires like DODGE and GM
God made breasts on women to feed those fine kids that grow up to be farmers. Respect the breasts !
"He'll stay up all night with a baby colt, and watch it die, and dry his eyes and say 'maybe next year'"- The story of the Ravens in the playoffs. Today is tomorrow.
i dont see why people love this commercial soo much....HIS SPEECH HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH AUTOMOBILES!..commercial was awful...now if the commercial had something to do with farming..then it would be a different story
It's garbage. I mean, in the sense that it's playing to our sense of an America that no longer exists in an attempt to sell HARDWORKING TRUCKS, it's garbage, but it's also garbage because have you ever met a farmer? There are plenty of farmers who are assholes, you know? If Paul Harvey never met a farmer he didn't like, then Paul Harvey didn't meet too many farmers.
The YouTube comments are superior, as usual:
Sadly, this ad was a slap in our face. These men are gone and the devil has taken over. I grew up on a tractor in Kansas in the 80's and I will tell you the farmer is gone and the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA is gone. It is just a matter of time before the Communists win. They beat Russia in 1917 and the Beat the USA in 2008. Americans will be slaughtered just like the Russians were and there is nothing we can do about it. The Jews win!
FORD = JUNK ford will sacrifice your life in the name of a better ride using low air pressure in a tire because ford refuses to test tires like DODGE and GM
God made breasts on women to feed those fine kids that grow up to be farmers. Respect the breasts !
"He'll stay up all night with a baby colt, and watch it die, and dry his eyes and say 'maybe next year'"- The story of the Ravens in the playoffs. Today is tomorrow.
i dont see why people love this commercial soo much....HIS SPEECH HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH AUTOMOBILES!..commercial was awful...now if the commercial had something to do with farming..then it would be a different story
Sunday, January 27, 2013
2012 Music Recap
2012 albums by order of enjoyment:
So Very Good
Hospitality - Hospitality
Fiona Apple - The Idler Wheel...
Pretty Dope
Metric - Synthetica
Andrew Bird -Break It Yourself
Two Door Cinema Club - Beacon
Divine Fits - A Thing Called the Divine Fits
Special Category for Albums I Bought On Sale for $4 and Initially Rolled My Eyes at but Now Kinda Find Myself Digging It Except for One or Two Tracks That are Real Abortions
Dirty Projectors - Swing Lo Magellan
Music I purchased in 2012 that was not released during 2012, which are all solid:
Veronica Falls - Veronica Falls
Lisa Hannigan - Passenger
Sleeper Agent - Celebrasion
Van Halen - The Best Of Both Worlds
So Very Good
Hospitality - Hospitality
Fiona Apple - The Idler Wheel...
Pretty Dope
Metric - Synthetica
Andrew Bird -Break It Yourself
Two Door Cinema Club - Beacon
Divine Fits - A Thing Called the Divine Fits
Special Category for Albums I Bought On Sale for $4 and Initially Rolled My Eyes at but Now Kinda Find Myself Digging It Except for One or Two Tracks That are Real Abortions
Dirty Projectors - Swing Lo Magellan
Music I purchased in 2012 that was not released during 2012, which are all solid:
Veronica Falls - Veronica Falls
Lisa Hannigan - Passenger
Sleeper Agent - Celebrasion
Van Halen - The Best Of Both Worlds
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Idler Wheelin and Dealin
Last year, Alipete and I took three weeks to write a track-by-track review of Hospitality's debut album. It took approximately six months for us to compile the following review of Fiona Apple's latest, The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do.
1. Every Single Night
This is barely a song, right? It’s more of a poetry slam with some piano tinkles tossed in? How long would it take me to learn this song on the piano? More or less than 10 minutes? Still, I like it a lot. Your enjoyment of this song is based completely on your enjoyment of Fiona’s voice, and if you care for that sound at all, you should love this.
9/10
Best metaphor: “The rib is the shell and the heart is the yolk”
The actual music here sounds like a child's nightmare. Eerie. You could definitely learn it in less than 10 minutes. Her voice starts so fragile, but then almost immediately she throws it into a sort of tribal yell on the "braaaaiiiinnnn." Which I enjoy. Overall, very nice, but I take off one full point for "I does what I does." That bothered me. And I thought she was saying "I want to be everything," not "feel," and I think I like my version better.
8/10
Best metaphor: AGREED, but I'd extend it to include "and I just made a meal for us both to choke on." Terrific.
Yeah, I wouldn’t have thought I’d enjoy her shouting BRAIN over and over, but I do. I really do.
2. Daredevil
Here’s the song I assumed was titled “Chaperone” until just now. I don’t particularly like many of the words used in this album’s lyrics – “chaperone” is the first example. But I like all of this song aside from the very short choruses containing said word. The song seems like a good version of an old burlesque show standard.
7.5/10
Best metaphor: “Say I’m an airplane and the gashes I got from my heartbreak make slots on the flaps upon my wings and I use them to give me lift”
This song is everything I like about Fiona Apple. Maybe my favorite on the album? I don't know. We'll find out! Anyway, it's all great. The drum rolling, the piano pounding, the pained shouting, the heartbreak, oh, the heartbreak. I particularly love the "Look at, look at, look at, look at me," which leads me to my candidate for...
9.5/10
Best metaphor: "I'm all the fishes in the sea." She really sells it.
3. Valentine
"While you were watching someone else, I stared at you and cut myself." Dark! Though I really like the contrast of the heavy lyrics and the upbeat, pretty poppy music. The piano is great all the way through. She's been heavy on the repetition so far, huh? "You, you, you, you." It's love; it's accusatory. I like it. And "I watch you live to have my fun"? Just fantastic.
9/10
Best metaphor: "It's all I'll do 'cause I'm not free. A fugitive too dull to flee." Does that count?
"Valentine" reminds me of "Please Please Please" on "Extraordinary Machine". Heavy on the repetition, and fucking terrible. PPP came up on my shuffle a few weeks ago, reminded me of how terrible it was, stayed in my head for the next four days, and made me vow not to keep shit like that on hard drives. The first half of "Valentine" is fine, but when the "you you you you" part starts, my ears bleed. Metaphorically.
1/10
Best metaphor: Please don't make me listen to this song again to pick out a metaphor.
4. Jonathan
This song is not ABOUT former boyfriend Jonathan Ames, but it IS named after him! It makes sense in the same way that it made sense for her to stop drinking to punish herself for disturbing the hummingbirds in her backyard. Jesus Christ, if I'd heard that podcast 15 years ago I'd own 3 fewer albums.
5/10
Best metaphor: I hate the only metaphor I hear, "My little fists tugging on your forest chest". Ruins the song for me, actually. There is a simile in the bridge, but I don't love it either.
I like the piano on this, but that's about it. Really boring, right? The whole song is like the same three sentences repeated, and it doesn't work. Also, I prefer to think it is about Jonathan Ames. Say he did take her to Coney Island. Don't you think they'd have the worst time?
3/10
Metaphor: Agreed. And the "captain of a capsized ship" line is pretty lame.
5. Left Alone
Man, I don't know what to think about this one. It's all over the place -- the music, the singing, everything... I like the piano kicking it at the 30-second mark, but I think that is the high point. I hate the line "tears calcify in my tummy." (Tummy???) I love the line "I was still a dewy petal rather than a moribund slut." I think when I listen to this album in the future, I will probably skip this one.
3/10
(All points are for rhyming "orotund mutt" with "moribund slut." Really well done.)
Metaphor: See above re: "dewy petal."
My favorite thing about this song is that it is not the two songs before it. I’m not big on the piano riff, but I like the percussion, and her vocal work is super. I had not noticed the word she was falsetto-ing was “Tummy”, and now I like this song a little less. THANKS A LOT.
5/10
Agreed on best metaphor.
6. Werewolf
I start off unsure about this one. She starts with what I guess is a simile: “I could liken you to a werewolf, the way you left me for dead, but I must admit I provided a full moon”. Boy, I sure to not like the “but I must admit” part of that lyric. It feels like the kind of words an amateur would add to the lyrics to fit the meter. And I am not crazy about the main werewolf metaphor, and I dislike when songwriters mention songwriting within their songs: “nothing wrong when a song ends in a minor key”. (Similarly, I hate it when a movie is about a writer who has writer’s block, so he writes a new book and that book’s subject is what we have just seen take place over the course of the movie! BOO!) But by the time the playground of children kicks in at the 2:12 mark, I’m 100% on board. That unorthodox sample loop was mentioned in several reviews; I initially wrote it off, since it was mentioned alongside other sounds she recorded in DAVID BLAINE’S HOUSE, but now must admit it’s my favorite moment on the record. It’s my favorite song on the album, a really nice description of two good people who are bad for each other.
10/10
Best Metaphor: Chock-full of metaphors! The best describes his lava making an island over her, which sounds super gross the way I wrote it.
I love the first 1:20 of the song: wounded and upset, but pretty and delicate. So I'm a little disappointed when she starts doing her trademark Fiona Growl. And I like the Fiona Growl! I guess I wanted her to keep that softer sound throughout. Man, I just can't get behind the children playing/screaming. Is it the sound of the children they'll never have?? Whatever. It seems superfluous. That aside, the lyrics, and the song in general, are lovely. Also, I don't know enough about music to know when a song ends in the minor key. But I guess I get her point. Maybe.
8.5/10
I thought she was saying "you made an island out of me," which gets MY vote for best metaphor.
Well, hell. I put some research into this island metaphor, and you will be SHOCKED with what I've found.
First, let me say that the liner notes of the compact disc list every word of "Werewolf" except for the bridge in question. No wonder no one is buying CDs anymore! So I used Google to research this island metaphor, and the internet seems to agree that Fiona sings "you made an island of me". I'm hearing "over me" and you're hearing "out of me" because she's inserting an extra syllable into "of" -- more like "of-a-me" than "of me".
The good news is without that extra googling, I never would have found out about Werewolf Island:
I am DELIGHTED to learn about "Werewolf Island." INTERNET BOOK CLUB?? My prediction: Lexie goes for Kassius, the handsome werewolf. It seems like the smart move. Your brother's dead, Lexie. Leave human life behind and form an alliance with the werewolves. Also, if this book can be published, surely I can publish a book, right? Seems like anything goes now?
7. Periphery
The second the piano kicked in, I thought, "Hey, haven't I heard this one before? Isn't this EVERY Fiona Apple song?" This song kind of stumps me. I like it fine, but I don't really know why. The music is pleasant; the lyrics are kind of interesting. But is this another song about losing a guy? This is getting a little tedious. The yodeling at 3:50 is nice, and I like how she sings "the periphery." But I don't know. That can't really carry a song for five minutes. I do like the line "I don't appreciate people who don't appreciate."
5/10
Metaphor: Is there a metaphor? Is the PERIPHERY a metaphor??
I, too, think the end of this song is okay, but dislike the rest of it. I mean, she says the word "periphery" way too much, even for a song titled "Periphery".
2/10
8. Regret
I didn't pay much attention to this track for the first few weeks. I think I looked at the tracklist one day and was like, "What, which one is 'Regret'?" So I started to focus on it. Dark. Pretty dark. Pretty great. I love the lyric about how she was sick and "you didn't believe me", because I think we all have a first instinct to not believe people are really that sick, or that they are truly that allergic to dander or whatever.
8/10
Best Metaphor: I RAN OUT OF WHITE DOVE FEATHERS TO SOAK UP THE HOT PISS THAT COMES FROM YOUR MOUTH EVERY TIME YOU ADDRESS ME
I liked this from the first lines: "Remember when we argued on the concept of regret? You were an expert even then but not me, not yet." Not yet! So great. And man, oh man, that voice at like 2:30. That is some pain. Who's she singing about here? It's like a Taylor Swift lyric mystery. Also, my sister always claims to be sick, but rarely is. So I didn't believe her when she said she didn't feel well at the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, and then she fainted.
7/10
Metaphor: Man, I guess that has to be mine too. And "white dove feathers"? Is this song about David Blaine??
9. Anything We Want
All the clanking and jangling is nice, but musically, this song is kind of boring. Lyrically, I think it's pretty smokin' and kind of sweet. And after all the pain and heartbreak, it's refreshing... though the UFC shout-out is unexpected. Fiona seems to have found some happiness -- or is reliving an old happiness? Either way, I'm happy for her. And when she sings "And we try not to let the bastards get us down," it just makes me think of Colin Meloy singing "On the Bus Mall," a song I like more than this one.
5/10
Metaphor: "My scars were reflecting the mist in your headlights."
I like the clanking! And the words, mostly. It's pretty sexy. I give it 9 out of 10 boners. A point/boner is deducted from her verse about pretending they are 8 year-olds playing hooky / UFC rookie. Then they're suddenly adults again, gettin' ready to get nasty. Whoops, too late, you already made me think about sex between little children! What? Chris Hansen, what are you doing here in my car? No no no - I just wanted to listen to a CD on my ride to work - I didn't have anything else planned, I swear!
9/10
10. Hot Knife
This is a fun song I hope I hear less than 50 times in my life. Don't get me wrong - if it pops up on my shuffle in three years, I'm gonna enjoy it. But if I hear it again a week after that, I'm going to consider deleting it from my hard drive. It is nice to hear a new song sung in the round - Row Row Row Your Boat seems to have a stranglehold on that genre. Maybe this will be heard around a campfire someday soon.
5/10
Best Metaphor: "If I'm butter, then he's a hot knife." Wins by default, I guess.
Maybe this is because this song review is coming at the end of a five-month process (my fault, I know) but I think I'd be happy to not hear this song again for a long, long time. Maybe ever. The metaphor is fine, I suppose, but I can't hear it in a round for 4:02. It gets to be pretty grating. Not your best, Fiona. Not close.
2/10
Metaphor: Agreed. Duh.
1. Every Single Night
This is barely a song, right? It’s more of a poetry slam with some piano tinkles tossed in? How long would it take me to learn this song on the piano? More or less than 10 minutes? Still, I like it a lot. Your enjoyment of this song is based completely on your enjoyment of Fiona’s voice, and if you care for that sound at all, you should love this.
9/10
Best metaphor: “The rib is the shell and the heart is the yolk”
The actual music here sounds like a child's nightmare. Eerie. You could definitely learn it in less than 10 minutes. Her voice starts so fragile, but then almost immediately she throws it into a sort of tribal yell on the "braaaaiiiinnnn." Which I enjoy. Overall, very nice, but I take off one full point for "I does what I does." That bothered me. And I thought she was saying "I want to be everything," not "feel," and I think I like my version better.
8/10
Best metaphor: AGREED, but I'd extend it to include "and I just made a meal for us both to choke on." Terrific.
Yeah, I wouldn’t have thought I’d enjoy her shouting BRAIN over and over, but I do. I really do.
2. Daredevil
Here’s the song I assumed was titled “Chaperone” until just now. I don’t particularly like many of the words used in this album’s lyrics – “chaperone” is the first example. But I like all of this song aside from the very short choruses containing said word. The song seems like a good version of an old burlesque show standard.
7.5/10
Best metaphor: “Say I’m an airplane and the gashes I got from my heartbreak make slots on the flaps upon my wings and I use them to give me lift”
This song is everything I like about Fiona Apple. Maybe my favorite on the album? I don't know. We'll find out! Anyway, it's all great. The drum rolling, the piano pounding, the pained shouting, the heartbreak, oh, the heartbreak. I particularly love the "Look at, look at, look at, look at me," which leads me to my candidate for...
9.5/10
Best metaphor: "I'm all the fishes in the sea." She really sells it.
3. Valentine
"While you were watching someone else, I stared at you and cut myself." Dark! Though I really like the contrast of the heavy lyrics and the upbeat, pretty poppy music. The piano is great all the way through. She's been heavy on the repetition so far, huh? "You, you, you, you." It's love; it's accusatory. I like it. And "I watch you live to have my fun"? Just fantastic.
9/10
Best metaphor: "It's all I'll do 'cause I'm not free. A fugitive too dull to flee." Does that count?
"Valentine" reminds me of "Please Please Please" on "Extraordinary Machine". Heavy on the repetition, and fucking terrible. PPP came up on my shuffle a few weeks ago, reminded me of how terrible it was, stayed in my head for the next four days, and made me vow not to keep shit like that on hard drives. The first half of "Valentine" is fine, but when the "you you you you" part starts, my ears bleed. Metaphorically.
1/10
Best metaphor: Please don't make me listen to this song again to pick out a metaphor.
4. Jonathan
This song is not ABOUT former boyfriend Jonathan Ames, but it IS named after him! It makes sense in the same way that it made sense for her to stop drinking to punish herself for disturbing the hummingbirds in her backyard. Jesus Christ, if I'd heard that podcast 15 years ago I'd own 3 fewer albums.
5/10
Best metaphor: I hate the only metaphor I hear, "My little fists tugging on your forest chest". Ruins the song for me, actually. There is a simile in the bridge, but I don't love it either.
I like the piano on this, but that's about it. Really boring, right? The whole song is like the same three sentences repeated, and it doesn't work. Also, I prefer to think it is about Jonathan Ames. Say he did take her to Coney Island. Don't you think they'd have the worst time?
3/10
Metaphor: Agreed. And the "captain of a capsized ship" line is pretty lame.
5. Left Alone
Man, I don't know what to think about this one. It's all over the place -- the music, the singing, everything... I like the piano kicking it at the 30-second mark, but I think that is the high point. I hate the line "tears calcify in my tummy." (Tummy???) I love the line "I was still a dewy petal rather than a moribund slut." I think when I listen to this album in the future, I will probably skip this one.
3/10
(All points are for rhyming "orotund mutt" with "moribund slut." Really well done.)
Metaphor: See above re: "dewy petal."
My favorite thing about this song is that it is not the two songs before it. I’m not big on the piano riff, but I like the percussion, and her vocal work is super. I had not noticed the word she was falsetto-ing was “Tummy”, and now I like this song a little less. THANKS A LOT.
5/10
Agreed on best metaphor.
6. Werewolf
I start off unsure about this one. She starts with what I guess is a simile: “I could liken you to a werewolf, the way you left me for dead, but I must admit I provided a full moon”. Boy, I sure to not like the “but I must admit” part of that lyric. It feels like the kind of words an amateur would add to the lyrics to fit the meter. And I am not crazy about the main werewolf metaphor, and I dislike when songwriters mention songwriting within their songs: “nothing wrong when a song ends in a minor key”. (Similarly, I hate it when a movie is about a writer who has writer’s block, so he writes a new book and that book’s subject is what we have just seen take place over the course of the movie! BOO!) But by the time the playground of children kicks in at the 2:12 mark, I’m 100% on board. That unorthodox sample loop was mentioned in several reviews; I initially wrote it off, since it was mentioned alongside other sounds she recorded in DAVID BLAINE’S HOUSE, but now must admit it’s my favorite moment on the record. It’s my favorite song on the album, a really nice description of two good people who are bad for each other.
10/10
Best Metaphor: Chock-full of metaphors! The best describes his lava making an island over her, which sounds super gross the way I wrote it.
I love the first 1:20 of the song: wounded and upset, but pretty and delicate. So I'm a little disappointed when she starts doing her trademark Fiona Growl. And I like the Fiona Growl! I guess I wanted her to keep that softer sound throughout. Man, I just can't get behind the children playing/screaming. Is it the sound of the children they'll never have?? Whatever. It seems superfluous. That aside, the lyrics, and the song in general, are lovely. Also, I don't know enough about music to know when a song ends in the minor key. But I guess I get her point. Maybe.
8.5/10
I thought she was saying "you made an island out of me," which gets MY vote for best metaphor.
Well, hell. I put some research into this island metaphor, and you will be SHOCKED with what I've found.
First, let me say that the liner notes of the compact disc list every word of "Werewolf" except for the bridge in question. No wonder no one is buying CDs anymore! So I used Google to research this island metaphor, and the internet seems to agree that Fiona sings "you made an island of me". I'm hearing "over me" and you're hearing "out of me" because she's inserting an extra syllable into "of" -- more like "of-a-me" than "of me".
The good news is without that extra googling, I never would have found out about Werewolf Island:
"Werewolf Island": Eighteen-year old Lexie Woods was sent in a cruise to Bahamas to celebrate her brother’s 25th birthday. The cruise ship wrecked and went under water fast; separating Lexie and her brother Billy forever. Lexie found herself inside one of the three life boats that were tied together. The twenty four survivors were taken to the shores of a beautiful island, and they all felt lucky to have found such paradise. To their horror they soon learned it was a 'Werewolf Island' and the fight for survival began! Will Lexie fall in love with dazzling and intelligent Archaeologist student, and fellow human survivor ‘Walter’? Or will she fall in love with ‘Kassius’? The good-looking alpha male werewolf?
I am DELIGHTED to learn about "Werewolf Island." INTERNET BOOK CLUB?? My prediction: Lexie goes for Kassius, the handsome werewolf. It seems like the smart move. Your brother's dead, Lexie. Leave human life behind and form an alliance with the werewolves. Also, if this book can be published, surely I can publish a book, right? Seems like anything goes now?
7. Periphery
The second the piano kicked in, I thought, "Hey, haven't I heard this one before? Isn't this EVERY Fiona Apple song?" This song kind of stumps me. I like it fine, but I don't really know why. The music is pleasant; the lyrics are kind of interesting. But is this another song about losing a guy? This is getting a little tedious. The yodeling at 3:50 is nice, and I like how she sings "the periphery." But I don't know. That can't really carry a song for five minutes. I do like the line "I don't appreciate people who don't appreciate."
5/10
Metaphor: Is there a metaphor? Is the PERIPHERY a metaphor??
I, too, think the end of this song is okay, but dislike the rest of it. I mean, she says the word "periphery" way too much, even for a song titled "Periphery".
2/10
8. Regret
I didn't pay much attention to this track for the first few weeks. I think I looked at the tracklist one day and was like, "What, which one is 'Regret'?" So I started to focus on it. Dark. Pretty dark. Pretty great. I love the lyric about how she was sick and "you didn't believe me", because I think we all have a first instinct to not believe people are really that sick, or that they are truly that allergic to dander or whatever.
8/10
Best Metaphor: I RAN OUT OF WHITE DOVE FEATHERS TO SOAK UP THE HOT PISS THAT COMES FROM YOUR MOUTH EVERY TIME YOU ADDRESS ME
I liked this from the first lines: "Remember when we argued on the concept of regret? You were an expert even then but not me, not yet." Not yet! So great. And man, oh man, that voice at like 2:30. That is some pain. Who's she singing about here? It's like a Taylor Swift lyric mystery. Also, my sister always claims to be sick, but rarely is. So I didn't believe her when she said she didn't feel well at the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, and then she fainted.
7/10
Metaphor: Man, I guess that has to be mine too. And "white dove feathers"? Is this song about David Blaine??
9. Anything We Want
All the clanking and jangling is nice, but musically, this song is kind of boring. Lyrically, I think it's pretty smokin' and kind of sweet. And after all the pain and heartbreak, it's refreshing... though the UFC shout-out is unexpected. Fiona seems to have found some happiness -- or is reliving an old happiness? Either way, I'm happy for her. And when she sings "And we try not to let the bastards get us down," it just makes me think of Colin Meloy singing "On the Bus Mall," a song I like more than this one.
5/10
Metaphor: "My scars were reflecting the mist in your headlights."
I like the clanking! And the words, mostly. It's pretty sexy. I give it 9 out of 10 boners. A point/boner is deducted from her verse about pretending they are 8 year-olds playing hooky / UFC rookie. Then they're suddenly adults again, gettin' ready to get nasty. Whoops, too late, you already made me think about sex between little children! What? Chris Hansen, what are you doing here in my car? No no no - I just wanted to listen to a CD on my ride to work - I didn't have anything else planned, I swear!
9/10
10. Hot Knife
This is a fun song I hope I hear less than 50 times in my life. Don't get me wrong - if it pops up on my shuffle in three years, I'm gonna enjoy it. But if I hear it again a week after that, I'm going to consider deleting it from my hard drive. It is nice to hear a new song sung in the round - Row Row Row Your Boat seems to have a stranglehold on that genre. Maybe this will be heard around a campfire someday soon.
5/10
Best Metaphor: "If I'm butter, then he's a hot knife." Wins by default, I guess.
Maybe this is because this song review is coming at the end of a five-month process (my fault, I know) but I think I'd be happy to not hear this song again for a long, long time. Maybe ever. The metaphor is fine, I suppose, but I can't hear it in a round for 4:02. It gets to be pretty grating. Not your best, Fiona. Not close.
2/10
Metaphor: Agreed. Duh.
Monday, January 07, 2013
2012 Recap - Bad Indie Rock Press Photos
Another year of monitoring RSS feeds of music blogs has gone by. Sunrise, sunset. Once again, I saved the images of the most puzzling, stupid, and precious indie rock press photos I found. Here they are:
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I'm pretty sure I have friends who like this band. I guarantee they did not come to this opinion based on the band's press photographs. Forget about the distracting Jolie pose of the woman on the left is making, or the very distracting ray of light emanating from the center -- what made him think that this picture needed goggles? Those are goggles on his forehead, right? Not sunglasses or a reflective sleep mask?
Something to remember when you look through these -- these are photographs that were taken, viewed, NOT deleted, and used for promotional purposes.
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I would hate this even if everyone's hands were empty. As is, we've got an umbrella, a trumpet, a Casio, and a lacrosse stick? A cane? I'm sure I don't give a fuck.
Grizzly Bear! All that critical acclaim, and you still can't think of a photo idea much better than Bear Cavalry. I CAN'T BEAR IT.
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Every year we seem to have a photo that implies a male musician has control over a group of fawning young women. I call it a "Manson".
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A few steps further back, and you could have hidden those crazy get-ups.
These two couldn't hire a professional photographer, so they ran in front of one of those motion-sensitive cameras that hunters use to take pictures of deer in the night.
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I thought nothing would be worse that this photo, but...
...these guys are slightly worse. Instead of wearing their stupid fucking sheets outside in a nice sculpture garden, they choose to take a photo in front of the dartboard wall.
Cloud Cult (via the AV Club)
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Secret Mountain (via I Guess I'm Floating)
Bear Cavalry (via Music For Ants)
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Grizzly Bear (via I don't remember)
Desert Stars (via Music For Ants)
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Fang Island (via Music For Ants)
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Knox (via I Guess I'm Floating)
Night Panther (via I Guess I'm Floating)
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Alligator Indian (via I Guess I'm Floating)
Monday, December 17, 2012
2012 Soundtrack
I do this every year.
These songs are what I loved this year, or what reminds me of this
year, and are arranged in my preferred listening order. The playlist
fits on an 80-minute CD.
Download the zipped folder here. If the songs get lost in your media library, just search for the ones with the genre labeled "Dan2012".
1. Hospitality - The Birthday
I am a huge fan most every song on this album, so I start off the 2012 soundtrack with the opening song from their local show.
2. Beirut - Sante Fe
A song from 2011 I didn’t get around to liking until 2012, after seeing it on someone’s best-of-the-year list.
3. Surfer Blood - I’m Not Ready
Barbara liked their first record, and I loved this song and “Miranda” from their recent EP. I did not love when their lead singer pled no contest to battery of his girlfriend. This led to a conversation with my coworker about how that should impact my enjoyment of their songs - the Chris Brown dilemma, if you will. It led to a classic thought on her part:
4. Andrew Bird - Sifters
There are two outstanding songs on this album, and I have chosen this one over “Eyeoneye” for the playlist. This song is a mixture of Benjamin Button and “The Luckiest”, and should resonate more than that song, seeing as how this guy isn’t on his fourth wife like Ben Folds.
5. Thao and Mirah - Folks
I dunno. This song is good. It fits well at this spot in the playlist, I think.
6. Fruit Bats - You’re Too Weird
See? It just fits between these two songs.
7. Sleeper Agent - Proper Taste
I first heard this album with the windows down on a bright spring day and I was super pumped. But this is probably the only essential song, unless you really like hearing guys who sound like Jack White.
8. Hot Chip - Flutes
Maybe you’ll hate this, but if you’re on the fence, I think you’ll find after the thirtieth listen that your head will bob along happily.
9. Tegan & Sara - Closer
I first heard this live on Conan, and was confused when the first strange lilt was sung: clo - saaaAAAAAH! A few weeks later I heard it on the radio while driving, and a few weeks after that I bought the damn thing when I saw the album wasn’t going to be released for another 90 days. The video is pretty fun, too:
Tegan & Sara // "Closer" (Dir. Isaac Rentz) from More Media on Vimeo.
10. Rolling Stones - The Last Time
When Mick Jagger was on SNL with Arcade Fire, I kind of heard this song for the first time, you know? It’s not a classic rock staple I’ve heard a billion times like Satisfaction, and while it sounded like a bit of a mess on the 30 Rock stage, I liked the energy of the performance.
11. Veronica Falls - My Heart Beats
Sort of like a British, gothic, surf-rock Mamas and the Papas. Sort of.
12. Fiona Apple - Werewolf
I have a lot to say about this song, but it is stuck in draft form until Alipete finds the mojo to email me back. To be continued.
13. We Were Promised Jetpacks - Pear Tree
Hearing him shout metaphors before the drums and guitar ramped back up was a highlight of the Kansas City show. There is no other current band that sounds as great when played at high volume.
14. Menomena - Pique
Failure / Genitalia wins this year’s Soul Asylum Memorial Funeral / Urinal Half-Rhyme Award.
15. Metric - Lost Kitten
You may find her voice annoying on this track, but I dig it. It’s a hell of a lot less annoying than Lou Reed’s appearance on the album. “Youth Without Youth” is also worth hearing.
16. New Cassettes - Silent Guns
These guys opened for We Were Promised Jetpacks. My immediate opinion of them was dampened by the singer’s appearance and enthusiasm, because I am an asshole. In my defense, dude was wearing a bracelet or two.
17. New Order - Age of Consent
We used to use the New Order song on the Trainspotting soundtrack when we came out of commercials -- err, underwriting -- on my college radio show. Every now and then I’ll hear another of their songs and wonder if I should dip deeper in the catalog.
18. Sauna Youth - PSI Girls
I cannot comprehend a word of it, but I thank Fluxblog for the recommendation. It sounds like something that should be playing over a montage -- I picture a bunch of incorrigible teens running wild on a Saturday night.
19. Sak Noel - Paso (The Nini Anthem)
I guess our trip to Providence was weird. The most memorable moments were tossing glass bottles into plastic tubs, mowing a lawn, seeing Floyd whip a squid carcass across a stream, and being exposed to this song in a hookah bar after stuffing ourselves with fresh seafood. If you’re worried that you don’t comprehend the deep meaning behind this song, the video will explain everything concisely:
20. Brett Gelman - I Am Bane
The Gelmania podcast is one-third chuckles, one-third insane stuff that isn’t too good, and one-third comedy gold. This is from episode 10, which was pretty great. My all-time favorite is probably episode 2, which features Adam Scott and Megan Mullally in a super fucked-up play, recorded live.
Download the zipped folder here. If the songs get lost in your media library, just search for the ones with the genre labeled "Dan2012".
1. Hospitality - The Birthday
I am a huge fan most every song on this album, so I start off the 2012 soundtrack with the opening song from their local show.
2. Beirut - Sante Fe
A song from 2011 I didn’t get around to liking until 2012, after seeing it on someone’s best-of-the-year list.
3. Surfer Blood - I’m Not Ready
Barbara liked their first record, and I loved this song and “Miranda” from their recent EP. I did not love when their lead singer pled no contest to battery of his girlfriend. This led to a conversation with my coworker about how that should impact my enjoyment of their songs - the Chris Brown dilemma, if you will. It led to a classic thought on her part:
One of my favorite artists, Richard Buckner was caught up in a thing when his truck was found with a burnt up severed head in the seat. I was conflicted, but then thought, “maybe most of his songs are about cutting people’s heads off?” and then somehow I was okay with it, cause his songs are good. He was cleared of the charges later.
4. Andrew Bird - Sifters
There are two outstanding songs on this album, and I have chosen this one over “Eyeoneye” for the playlist. This song is a mixture of Benjamin Button and “The Luckiest”, and should resonate more than that song, seeing as how this guy isn’t on his fourth wife like Ben Folds.
5. Thao and Mirah - Folks
I dunno. This song is good. It fits well at this spot in the playlist, I think.
6. Fruit Bats - You’re Too Weird
See? It just fits between these two songs.
7. Sleeper Agent - Proper Taste
I first heard this album with the windows down on a bright spring day and I was super pumped. But this is probably the only essential song, unless you really like hearing guys who sound like Jack White.
8. Hot Chip - Flutes
Maybe you’ll hate this, but if you’re on the fence, I think you’ll find after the thirtieth listen that your head will bob along happily.
9. Tegan & Sara - Closer
I first heard this live on Conan, and was confused when the first strange lilt was sung: clo - saaaAAAAAH! A few weeks later I heard it on the radio while driving, and a few weeks after that I bought the damn thing when I saw the album wasn’t going to be released for another 90 days. The video is pretty fun, too:
Tegan & Sara // "Closer" (Dir. Isaac Rentz) from More Media on Vimeo.
10. Rolling Stones - The Last Time
When Mick Jagger was on SNL with Arcade Fire, I kind of heard this song for the first time, you know? It’s not a classic rock staple I’ve heard a billion times like Satisfaction, and while it sounded like a bit of a mess on the 30 Rock stage, I liked the energy of the performance.
11. Veronica Falls - My Heart Beats
Sort of like a British, gothic, surf-rock Mamas and the Papas. Sort of.
12. Fiona Apple - Werewolf
I have a lot to say about this song, but it is stuck in draft form until Alipete finds the mojo to email me back. To be continued.
13. We Were Promised Jetpacks - Pear Tree
Hearing him shout metaphors before the drums and guitar ramped back up was a highlight of the Kansas City show. There is no other current band that sounds as great when played at high volume.
14. Menomena - Pique
Failure / Genitalia wins this year’s Soul Asylum Memorial Funeral / Urinal Half-Rhyme Award.
15. Metric - Lost Kitten
You may find her voice annoying on this track, but I dig it. It’s a hell of a lot less annoying than Lou Reed’s appearance on the album. “Youth Without Youth” is also worth hearing.
16. New Cassettes - Silent Guns
These guys opened for We Were Promised Jetpacks. My immediate opinion of them was dampened by the singer’s appearance and enthusiasm, because I am an asshole. In my defense, dude was wearing a bracelet or two.
17. New Order - Age of Consent
We used to use the New Order song on the Trainspotting soundtrack when we came out of commercials -- err, underwriting -- on my college radio show. Every now and then I’ll hear another of their songs and wonder if I should dip deeper in the catalog.
18. Sauna Youth - PSI Girls
I cannot comprehend a word of it, but I thank Fluxblog for the recommendation. It sounds like something that should be playing over a montage -- I picture a bunch of incorrigible teens running wild on a Saturday night.
19. Sak Noel - Paso (The Nini Anthem)
I guess our trip to Providence was weird. The most memorable moments were tossing glass bottles into plastic tubs, mowing a lawn, seeing Floyd whip a squid carcass across a stream, and being exposed to this song in a hookah bar after stuffing ourselves with fresh seafood. If you’re worried that you don’t comprehend the deep meaning behind this song, the video will explain everything concisely:
20. Brett Gelman - I Am Bane
The Gelmania podcast is one-third chuckles, one-third insane stuff that isn’t too good, and one-third comedy gold. This is from episode 10, which was pretty great. My all-time favorite is probably episode 2, which features Adam Scott and Megan Mullally in a super fucked-up play, recorded live.
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