"I know many black men do that."

When I was in Minneapolis for the July 4th weekend, Jeff, Heather and I watched the Anchorman bloopers for the thousandth time each. Jeff asked about the origin of the dialogue on the bridge:

Biker: I want you to fix my chopper before I stomp your goofy ass!

Ron Burgundy: If you want to go fisticuffs, fine. I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary ready for ya.

I knew Jack Johnson was a real life boxer, but I couldn't say about Tom O'Leary. We didn't think much of it - we went on our merry way to sing karaoke at the VFW, and Heather capped off the evening by feeding Jeff glass-laced salsa. Good times.

Weeks later, Jeff sent me an email:

so, remember when i asked you if jack johnson & tom o'leary were actual references? i found my answer, along with some high unintentional comedy:

http://www.slangcity.com/movie_quote/anchorman.htm

If you click the link, you'll see that Slang City dedicates itself to explaining American slang down to each painful detail. The above quote becomes:

Biker: I want you to repair my motorcycle before I beat you severely, ridiculous person!

Ron Burgundy: If you want to have a fight, that's fine. I've got my two fists ready for you.

*Jack Johnson became the world heavyweight boxing champion in 1908 (though not officially until 1910. ) Tom O'Leary was a boxer in the 1920s.

If you're curious about why this website exists, there's a pretty good answer. But I would advise you to ignore its practical aspects, instead reveling in its contents:

If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you, young man
I've got 99 problems but a woman isn't one of them

There are rappers with guns after me
Enemies that want to make sure I'm dead
Rap critics that say, "he only cares about money and women"
I'm from the inner city neighborhood, stupid! What type of facts are those?
If you grew up with holes in your shoes
You'd celebrate the minute you had some money
I say, "Forget about you, critics! I have no respect for you!"
If you don't like my lyrics you can press 'fast forward' on the CD player
Radio stations get angry with me if I don't play on their show
They don't play my hits well I don't care
Rap magazines try to use me
So advertisers can give them more money for ads...losers!
I don't know what you think I am
or if you understand the intelligence that I have
I got rich after growing up poor, black man, I am not stupid
I've got 99 problems but a woman isn't one of them
Play it!

CHORUS
99 Problems but a woman isn't one of them
If you having girl problems I feel bad for you, young man
I've got 99 problems but a woman isn't one of them
Play it!

The year is '94 and I am driving with uncut drugs in the trunk of my car
In my rear view mirror I can see the police
I've got two choices: I can pull over the car or
Run away from the police by pressing the gas pedal hard
Now I don't want to have the police chase me down the highway
Plus I have got some money: I can fight the case in court
So I pull over to the side of the road
And I heard "Young man, do you know why I'm stopping you?"
"You're stopping me because I'm young and I'm black and my hat's real low.
Do I look like a mind reader sir, I don't know
Am I under arrest or should I guess some more?"
"Well you were driving fifty five miles per hour in a zone that is marked fifty four miles per hour."
Give me your license and registration and step out of the car.
Are you carrying a weapon on you? I know many black men do that."
"I am not getting out of my car! My papers are legitimate."
"Do you mind if I look around the car a little while?"
"Well, my glove compartment is locked and so is the trunk and the back
And I know my legal rights so you are going to need a warrant to search them."
"Aren't you the clever one! Are you a lawyer or something?
Or somebody important or something?"
"No, I haven't passed the test to be a lawyer, but I know a little bit
Enough that you won't illegally search my car!"
"Well see how smart you are when the drug smelling dog unit comes."
I got 99 problems but a woman isn't one of them
Play it!

CHORUS

Now once upon a time not too long ago
A black man like myself had to use force with a low woman
I don't mean a biological woman
But a low man who didn't have any sense and tried to push me
I tried to ignore him and talk to the Lord
Pray for him, because some fools just love to perform
You know the type - as loud as a motor bike
But wouldn't hurt anyone in a fight
The only thing that's going to happen is I'm going to shoot someone
He and his friends will be talking about me to the police captain
And then I will be trapped in prison
Back through the system with the low people again
Drug addicts lying on the floor scratching themselves
The police will be taking my photo as if they were paparazzi
The District Attorney tried to do wrong to a black man again
I have to pay half a million dollars for bail because I'm African
All because this fool was harassing them
Trying to take advantage of me by acting sweet
But nothing is sweet about how I hold my gun
I've got 99 problems but this low troublesome man isn't one of them
Play it!
CHORUS

You're crazy for this one, Rick (Jay Z's producer Rick Rubin)
This one is yours

Note: This song is based on Jay-Z's experiences as a cocaine dealer. In 1994, he was stopped by the police and refused to let them search his car, knowing they would find drugs. Police called for a K-9 (dog) unit, because if the dogs could smell the cocaine, they could take the car. However, the dogs were unavailable and the officer let Jay-Z go.