dn: Season 2 of The Walking Dead starts, and our heroes are driving a caravan down the Georgia interstate. We learn they're short on gasoline. Why are they short on gasoline? Granted, they have several cars and a huge RV, but it seems there are plenty of cars around to siphon gas from in this post-zombie world.
floyd: yeah, I felt that a lack of fuel was a weak excuse to not turn around and avoid the blocked highway
floyd: also, why did they think the highway wouldn't be blocked?
floyd: it's like Post-Apocalyptic Living 101
floyd: avoid the highway, because it's going to be crammed full of abandoned cars
floyd: or some reason
dn: it is strange there there would be sudden congestion on one short stretch of interstate. do you think there was some kind of Oceans 11-esque pulse bomb the zombies set off to disable everyone's cars?
floyd: without knowing the exact geography it's impossible to tell
floyd: I guess it was because of that overturned trailer
floyd: but why did that overturn?
floyd: that's the thing that's never really explained in zombie lore
dn: I'm dubious. Anyway,
floyd: was the traffic jam swarmed by slow-moving zombies?
floyd: which somehow made a trucker jackknife and overturn?
dn: the group decides to use this opportunity to siphon gas and search for supplies
floyd: sure
floyd: turns out there's plenty of fuel, as you pointed out
floyd: and supplies
dn: Mrs. Grimes has a problem taking things from the cars, saying, "This place is a graveyard."
floyd: but it's a graveyard!
dn: how long after the inital zombie invasion do you think this is?
dn: several months, right?
floyd: two weeks?
floyd: three?
floyd: how long did it take Grimes to find the others?
floyd: you think several months?
floyd: they're still freaking out too much for it to be that quick
dn: I guess we don't exactly know, but wouldn't you say it's time she start thinking in Post-Apocalypic terms by now?
floyd: well, sure, but I mean, for me that switch would have turned on really quickly
floyd: probably right around the first time zombies tried to kill me
floyd: and the abandoned cities and all
floyd: and the legions of corpses
dn: She should have a tougher attitude. Tough enough to do something CRAZY like TAKE FOOD FROM DEAD PEOPLE'S CARS
floyd: right
floyd: she's showing total pre-apocalypse morality
floyd: although to be fair, I don't see the problem with stealing from the dead now, so I can't really relate at all why that would be a problem
dn: yeah, that is kinda your thing
dn: with the necrophilia and all
floyd: Bring back the estate tax! Occupy Zombie Atlanta!
dn: So next...
dn: The lookout does an excellent job of looking out for zombies, because he sees one. It's next to the other hundred that he failed to see.
floyd: that are 50 yards away
floyd: all of a sudden
floyd: he was using binoculars
dn: yes. and Grimes directs everyone to get under the cars
floyd: which seems, at the time, like a terrible idea
floyd: but it almost works
floyd: because zombies can't smell people this season or something
dn: let me talk about some plot holes a moment
dn: in season one, they successfully camouflaged themselves by wearing zombie flesh.
dn: so the zombies couldn't smell their aliveness
dn: now, they can hide their smell by hiding under cars?
floyd: sounds like an Axe commercial
dn: and
dn: two of the group had to act fast because they couldn't get under cars, so they threw corpses over themselves for shields
dn: and that worked? So the zombies can smell you if they can see you, but not if you're hiding under a van?
dn: am I missing something?
floyd: I mean, I guess
dn: shall I move on?
floyd: i mean, I don't know any better
floyd: it's almost as if the zombies behavior is predicated on what will create the most suspenseful scene
dn: it's almost like this WHOLE THING is FAKE!!!
floyd: these zombies are real drama queens
floyd: did you ever consider that maybe it was a trick?
floyd: that the zombies were just pretending not to sense them as they shuffled by
floyd: and then, when the humans were lulled into a false sense of security, the zombies would turn around and slowly shuffle back and eat them?
dn: well, that would be interesting. setting them up for a later ambush
floyd: it would be more interesting than what happened, anyway
dn: so next...
dn: the little girl in the group runs off in the woods to escape some zombies, and the rest of the episode is the group trying to find that girl
dn: and it's terribly dull
floyd: well, let's go back for a second
floyd: the one zombie decides to check out the RV, which must have just reeked of manflesh
floyd: just the one
floyd: the others shuffle past
floyd: but this one is a little more canny
floyd: he smells it, the whiny panicking woman
floyd: so he checks it out
dn: she's hiding in the bathroom, so he decides to open the door, like a zombie does
floyd: but only after she decided to continue trying to reassemble the gun
floyd: and drops a piece on the floor like someone that deserves to die would do
floyd: the zombie hears this
floyd: puts it all together
floyd: "RRRaaaarrrghghg, there's people in there"
floyd: THEN tries to open the flimsy door
floyd: None of the other zombies notice this commotion
dn: no, even with all the screaming
floyd: for some reason
floyd: and, as you pointed out, she proceeds to stab the zombie in the eye socket with her mouth wide open
dn: WIDE OPEN
floyd: despite the spurting, highly contagious zombie blood
floyd: which miraculously misses her mouth and eyes
dn: like she's desperately trying to infect herself with some zombie blood in her orifice
floyd: well, she was suicidal ...
floyd: maybe she ... wanted to be infected?
floyd: TWIST
dn: going back a second, do you think a zombie can easily set up and get in that RV?
floyd: was the door even open?
dn: yes, but I always thought they took the path of least resistance
floyd: God
floyd: ok, let's follow this really quick
floyd: man stands on top of 14 foot RV with binoculars
floyd: doesn't see zombies until they're right fucking on top of everybody
floyd: not even enough time to warn the woman IN THE RV DIRECTLY BELOW HIM
floyd: that there's zombies on the way
floyd: she's caught by surprise
floyd: by these fucking zombies
floyd: ugh
floyd: ok, Christ, moving on
floyd: it's just, would it be that hard to set up the zombie shuffle-by better?
dn: yeah, seems like she could have closed the RV door
floyd: it's just so goddam lazy
dn: the writers just try to think of ways to get close human/zombie proximitiy on camera
floyd: so all the zombies go by except for the two stragglers
floyd: despite the rrrhaarrrging, and the screaming
floyd: remember Dan, it's not about the zombies, it's how these regular people cope with living in a zombie world
dn: bleh
dn: anyway, the girl goes missing, so Grimes and Co. have to search for her
floyd: can we talk about that for just a second?
dn: yup
floyd: this girl gets noticed by zombies
floyd: the mom doesn't make a fucking peep
dn: you think she should have made noise to draw the zombies toward her?
floyd: well, she should have done something if she was going to play guilt trip for the rest of the episode
floyd: on Grimes, the only one with enough balls to actually try to save the child
dn: right, so mistakes were made, and she gets lost in the woods.
floyd: after the least exciting chase scene since ...
dn: Grimes and redneck guy go searching for her, and come across a new zombie, which is shot in the face with a crossbow
dn: they realize he's eaten recently, and decide to cut him open to see if he has little girl in his stomach
dn: they find the remains of a woodchuck. like, the whole skull of a woodchuck. in the zombie stomach.
floyd: is that what it was?
floyd: I didn't see that, I was eating
dn: pretty sure they pulled out bones, a skull specifically, because how else would you know what rodent it was?
floyd: I just took their word for it
dn: this raises a billion questions about zombie digestion, and the zombie's quest for flesh in general
floyd: exactly
dn: if they NEED flesh to eat and survive, why are there so many half-eaten humans lying around?
floyd: and how did that zombie catch a freaking woodchuck?
floyd: I mean, woodchucks aren't as agile as many other rodents
floyd: but they're still hard to catch
floyd: for a living human
dn: Yeah! I don't think zombies can even bend over far enough to pick a dead woodchuck off the ground!
floyd: much less the slow-moving, creaking undead
floyd: those zombies chasing that girl were almost running, though
dn: yeah. not 28 Days Later speed, but ambling kinda fast
floyd: they probably had the agility to bend over
floyd: if the woodchuck was actually dead
floyd: the zombies did eat that horse in the first season
floyd: maybe the woodchuck was injured?
dn: and climbed up the zombie and went to sleep on his shoulder?
floyd: haha
floyd: I just pictured a zombie woodchuck sitting on a zombie shoulder
floyd: the woodchuck was basically the puppet from Caddyshack
floyd: now that's what they should have pulled out of the stomach
dn: haha
floyd: "It's ... it's a hand puppet ..."
floyd: "
floyd: and then the Caddyshack song plays
floyd: "It's alright .... nobody's looking at me"
dn: this show needs more Kenny Loggins
floyd: and then zombie Rodney Dangerfield appears
floyd: STILL GETS NO RESPECT
dn: can we talk about the church?
floyd: haha
floyd: yes
dn: so they hear bells ringing, and find a church in a clearing
dn: your typical rural Georgia church in the clearing of some dense woods
dn: the doors are closed, so they open them and see...
dn: 3 zombies in pews, facing Jesus at the altar
dn: those zombies aren't hungry? Don't wanna get out of that room and explore?
floyd: I think it was a metaphor
dn: for a shitty tv show?
floyd: something like that
floyd: it was meant to make the audience ask the question: Was Jesus the first zombie?
floyd: the answer is no, no he wasn't
floyd: Lazarus was the first zombie
floyd: it's in the Bible
floyd: anyway
dn: the doors weren't barricaded or locked, you know. and those bells were ringing every 10 minutes or so - they should have been drawn to the sound
floyd: it made absolutely no sense
floyd: these zombies follow no code
floyd: question:
floyd: because I can't remember
floyd: have they explained how zombie-ism is spread?
dn: not really, but biting seems like the cause. you'd assume any zombie blood would also infect you
floyd: I mean, would would assume, but we'd also assume that zombies wouldn't just sit in an unlocked church, or eat woodchucks, or shuffle down the highway for no reason
floyd: I'm just saying, we haven't seen anyone turn yet
floyd: and there are corpses just laying around that aren't zombies
floyd: with no apparent head trauma
dn: right. did it not say anything about it in the comic?
floyd: the comic was worse than the show
floyd: and I can't really remember if it did
floyd: I mean, I think it's just going on those assumptions
floyd: but these people don't appear terribly careful around zombie blood
floyd: bashing brains in with rocks with their eyes open, stabbing while screaming, etc.
dn: wearing zombie flesh on their person. anyway, let's move on to the final sequence, where the group splits up and heads back toward their cars
floyd: God this episode was long
floyd: and they split up after TWO desperate pleas to Jesus
dn: Well, when you have a Jesus statue handy, you gotta use it
dn: the guy's not omnipresent, you know
floyd: haha
floyd: how predictable was it that Grimes wasn't religious?
dn: "I'm a Sheriff. I believe in the law."
floyd: tough as nails, that one
dn: "I'm still wearing a badge for some reason."
floyd: a cuckold, but tough as nails
dn: so Grimes, the redneck, and Grimes Jr are walking in the woods and come across a deer.
floyd: so they split up
floyd: smartly taking the child with them
dn: Redneck goes to shoot the deer with his bow
dn: probably because it's bow season and not rifle.
dn: once you down a buck with a bow, Floyd, you never go back to a gun
floyd: they don't want to fire the guns, because it would attract zombies
dn: Grimes stops him from firing
dn: the bow
floyd: because the kid wants to get close to the fully grown deer with a full rack
floyd: terrible parenting
floyd: wait
dn: and because he doesn't want to collect meat for the group from which to live off of
floyd: it's not the redneck
floyd: it's Shane
floyd: with a shotgun
dn: oh sorry
floyd: the redneck went back with the others, for some reason
dn: so they let Grimes Jr walk up to the deer
floyd: so to be fair, shooting a deer with a shotgun is pretty stupid
dn: I don't know why
floyd: because they're both terrible parents
dn: was he going to pet a deer? try to ride it like a horse?
dn: break its neck?
floyd: get gutted by antlers?
floyd: that's what I thought was going to happen
dn: yeah man, When Animals Attack
floyd: wipe that shit-eating grin right off of that dumb kid
floyd: "and that's why you always leave a note"
dn: instead, we hear a rifle shot, and the bullet is fired from somewhere in the distance, goes through the deer and hits Grimes Jr in the stomach
floyd: that is one high-powered rifle and a lucky shot
floyd: or unlucky, I guess, if you didn't want the kid to die
dn: so the end of this episode
dn: I'm not happy with it
floyd: be honest, though: would you have expected the episode to end with anything other than a shameless deus ex machina?
dn: It's going to focus them on healing this kid now
dn: when I want to see them going somewhere cool and doing something cool
floyd: man, are you looking forward to an hour of people acting anguished over a dying child?
floyd: a child with a high-powered rifle bullet in his freaking gut?
dn: it's a disappointing turn
dn: another disappointing turn
floyd: Tony Soprano barely survived a gut shot from a Midnight Special
floyd: this kid, in a sane world, wouldn't stand a chance
floyd: but this isn't a sane world, is it Dan?
dn: it sure isn't
floyd: in a world where 1% of the population controls 50% of its wealth?
dn: until next week?
floyd: sure
dn: see you then
floyd: I'll work on more ways to push Occupy propaganda
floyd: later
dn: good times. bye.
3 comments:
That left out some odd words. Apparently redneck is censored?
I'm glad you both are taking the time to review this show so that none of us have to watch it ourselves.
I think we should take advantage of the zombie craze by creating a new niche. I'm speaking of course about combining sports and zombies. Guys, it's time we get started on the script for "Brian's Song 2".
-shawn
Sorry about the few words being censored. It's a formatting issue from copy/pasting the chat transcript to my blog's black background. If you select the text with your mouse, the word will show up.
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