Wednesday, April 05, 2017

Sad Songs Aren't Sad Anymore

"Well, I guess I'm doing this again," I said to myself as I plugged my phone into the aux cable and started my Hyundai. My commute is about 30 minutes long, and I knew from Monday's experience that I would be able to hear nine of the album's eleven songs. I also knew from Monday's experience that the drive would be somber, and my attitude for the day would be extremely contemplative and somewhat grateful.

This began on March 21, when I noticed a tweet from a musician I really like:


Several days later, Twitter informed me that he liked the following tweet:


That was enough to push me to look up this song, and I listened to it alone, in my basement, before heading to bed. And I read a small amount about the album, and I realized that Mount Eerie is the man who formerly performed as The Microphones, who I had a vague knowledge of thanks to the only mix CD Adrienne ever gave me.

For the next few days, I asked people and the internet for the saddest song ever. Kim guessed the popular answer was Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven". The internet had some lists, like Hank Williams' "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" or George Jones' "He Stopped Loving Her Today". Shawn thought of musical numbers like "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables and "It's Quiet Uptown" from Hamilton. I thought about all of the sad Elliott Smith songs I love, like "I Didn't Understand" and "Everything Means Nothing to Me".

And I realized that all of those songs sound like Beck's "Sexx Laws" now, because I have heard "Real Death" by Mount Eerie.

I couldn't stop thinking about "Real Death", so I bought the album.

I listened to it for the first time on Monday, and sat in my parking space as the final two songs played. I went about my work day, and that night I felt so grateful to be with my family, on the couch with my children. I sat with my daughter on my lap, playing with the hair on the back of her head and touching the little divot on the back of her neck while she watched cartoons.

So, here is what I suggest:

First, acknowledge that you want to hear "Real Death". Partially out of curiosity, but mostly because you want to be in awe of the power of this song, even though there is a very good chance it will make you cry. You've cried at art before. It's fine.

Are you ready? Can you carve out two and a half minutes to play this song, and maybe another five minutes to process what you've heard? Good. Listen, and when you're done keep reading below:





Now, you're ready to read a little bit about the song and the album. You can let the Bandcamp player continue to stream the other available songs, "Raven" and "Crow" while you read the author's description of the album:

WRITTEN AND RECORDED
August 31st to Dec. 6th, 2016 in the same room where Geneviève died, using mostly her instruments, her guitar, her bass, her pick, her amp, her old family accordion, writing the words on her paper, looking out the same window.  
Why share this much? Why open up like this? Why tell you, stranger, about these personal moments, the devastation and the hanging love? Our little family bubble was so sacred for so long. We carefully held it behind a curtain of privacy when we’d go out and do our art and music selves, too special to share, especially in our hyper-shared imbalanced times. Then we had a baby and this barrier felt even more important. (I still don’t want to tell you our daughter’s name.) Then in May 2015 they told us Geneviève had a surprise bad cancer, advanced pancreatic, and the ground opened up. What matters now? we thought. Then on July 9th 2016 she died at home and I belonged to nobody anymore. My internal moments felt like public property. The idea that I could have a self or personal preferences or songs eroded down into an absurd old idea leftover from a more self-indulgent time before I was a hospital-driver, a caregiver, a child-raiser, a griever. I am open now, and these songs poured out quickly in the fall, watching the days grey over and watching the neighbors across the alley tear down and rebuild their house. I make these songs and put them out into the world just to multiply my voice saying that I love her. I want it known.  
"Death Is Real" could be the name of this album. These cold mechanics of sickness and loss are real and inescapable, and can bring an alienating, detached sharpness. But it is not the thing I want to remember. A crow did look at me. There is an echo of Geneviève that still rings, a reminder of the love and infinity beneath all of this obliteration. That’s why.

- Phil Elverum
Dec. 11th, 2016

You can read album reviews, where people like you and I try to process what they're hearing:



and




You can read a profile of the artist, and that can lead you to the profiler's piece in the New York Times describing what it was like for him to lose his daughter to an impossibly rare accident.

Perhaps now you are thinking, "Why the hell did I do this to myself? Why would I buy this and subject myself to more of this music?" I don't know. Speaking for myself, it has a hold on me. It's remarkably sad, but it's still remarkable.

Tuesday, April 04, 2017

March Madness Fantasy 2017 - Final Four and Championship

Boy, the Final Four and Championship games sure sucked hard. Ugly stuff.

How did your players do? Well, in the Final Four they did this well. The STUDS:

OWNER ROUND SELECTION PLAYER TEAM SEED GAME5_SCORE
1 Gav 1 9 Kennedy Meeks North Carolina 1 44
2 Chris 1 5 Nigel Williams-Goss Gonzaga 1 31
3 Chris 5 45 Jordan Bell Oregon 3 31
4 Stu 1 6 Justin Jackson North Carolina 1 25
5 Chris 6 56 Sindarius Thornwell South Carolina 7 23
6 Gav 4 32 Przemek Karnowski Gonzaga 1 19
7 Brian 8 80 Jordan Mathews Gonzaga 1 17

and them DUDS:

OWNER ROUND SELECTION PLAYER TEAM SEED GAME5_SCORE
1 Dan 3 30 Isaiah Hicks North Carolina 1 5
2 James 7 67 Johnathan Williams Gonzaga 1 9
3 Chris 2 16 Joel Berry II North Carolina 1 15
4 Dan 5 50 Dillon Brooks Oregon 3 15


In the 'ship, Joel Berry II had the best game, with 33 points, followed by Williams-Goss with 28. Weird, both of those guys are Chris' players.



Chris did it, everybody! He bested the previous best, totaling 866 points, about one player's good game more than Bob's 831 from last year. I would wager that this was also the largest margin of victory we've ever seen, but I am not going to bother researching that fact.


Chris' worst player's total was 115th out of the 179 players I tracked. Not too shabby. The highest total was Justin Jackson, followed closely by Williams-Goss, Thornwell, Meeks and Bluiett.



Here's a similar scatterplot, but this one shows every player I tracked instead of only owned players.




Here's even more stats. Stats are life. This is a boxplot that shows the median, quartiles, and outliers for two groups: seeds 1 through 7 and seeds 8 through 13. (I excluded seeds 14-16 because we avoid drafting most all of them.)




Here's some more stats, again showing all players I tracked from seeds 1 through 13.


No one player set any scoring records this year. Here's the record book:

239.5  Julius Randle Kentucky 2014 (1.5x bonus)
193.5  Jarnell Stokes Tennessee 2014 (1.5x bonus)
196     Frank Kaminsky Wisconsin 2015
196     Kemba Walker, Connecticut 2011
194     Anthony Davis, Kentucky 2012
190     Cleanthony Early, Wichita St 2013 (1.5x bonus)

Here's the table of all this year's players.

OWNER ROUND SELECTION PLAYER TEAM SEED TOTAL_GAMES TOTAL_SCORE
1 Stu 1 6 Justin Jackson North Carolina 1 6 170.0
2 Chris 1 5 Nigel Williams-Goss Gonzaga 1 6 166.0
3 Chris 6 56 Sindarius Thornwell South Carolina 7 5 166.0
4 Gav 1 9 Kennedy Meeks North Carolina 1 6 163.0
5 James 6 54 Trevon Bluiett Xavier 11 4 161.0
6 Chris 5 45 Jordan Bell Oregon 3 5 145.0
7 0 0 Tyler Dorsey Oregon 3 5 141.0
8 0 0 Chimezie Metu USC 11 3 130.5
9 0 0 J.P. Macura Xavier 11 4 130.0
10 Brian 1 1 Frank Mason III Kansas 1 4 129.0
11 0 0 Nigel Hayes Wisconsin 8 3 127.5
12 Gav 5 49 Ethan Happ Wisconsin 8 3 121.0
13 Chris 2 16 Joel Berry II North Carolina 1 6 115.0
14 0 0 PJ Dozier South Carolina 7 5 112.0
15 Dan 5 50 Dillon Brooks Oregon 3 5 111.0
16 Shawn 1 3 Josh Jackson Kansas 1 4 109.0
17 Jake 1 8 De'Aaron Fox Kentucky 2 4 106.0
18 James 7 67 Johnathan Williams Gonzaga 1 6 105.0
19 0 0 Zach Collins Gonzaga 1 6 103.0
20 Brian 8 80 Jordan Mathews Gonzaga 1 6 103.0
21 0 0 Bronson Koenig Wisconsin 8 3 102.5
22 Chris 8 76 Derrick Walton Jr. Michigan 7 3 97.0
23 0 0 Jordan McLaughlin USC 11 3 96.5
24 Brian 3 21 Caleb Swanigan Purdue 4 3 96.0
25 Gav 8 72 Miles Bridges Michigan St 9 2 94.0
26 Jake 7 68 Wesley Iwundu Kansas St 11 2 93.0
27 Dan 3 30 Isaiah Hicks North Carolina 1 6 91.0
28 Stu 5 46 Bryant McIntosh Northwestern 8 2 91.0
29 0 0 Chima Moneke UC Davis 16 2 90.5
30 Bob 2 19 Edrice Adebayo Kentucky 2 4 90.0
31 Gav 4 32 Przemek Karnowski Gonzaga 1 6 89.0
32 0 0 Dylan Ennis Oregon 3 5 89.0
33 Jake 2 13 Devonte' Graham Kansas 1 4 85.0
34 Luke 2 17 Johnathan Motley Baylor 3 3 83.0
35 Shawn 5 43 Jacorey Williams Middle Tenn 12 2 80.5
36 James 1 7 Malik Monk Kentucky 2 4 79.0
37 Luke 4 37 Jevon Carter West Virginia 4 3 78.0
38 0 0 Moses Kingsley Arkansas 8 2 78.0
39 Shawn 3 23 Allonzo Trier Arizona 2 3 77.0
40 Chris 7 65 Devin Robinson Florida 4 4 76.0
41 Stu 7 66 Vincent Edwards Purdue 4 3 76.0
42 Dan 2 11 Lonzo Ball UCLA 3 3 75.0
43 Shawn 4 38 Isaiah Briscoe Kentucky 2 4 73.0
44 Dan 1 10 Lauri Markkanen Arizona 2 3 71.0
45 Luke 3 24 TJ Leaf UCLA 3 3 71.0
46 0 0 KeVaughn Allen Florida 4 4 70.0
47 Bob 6 59 Kelan Martin Butler 4 3 68.0
48 0 0 Brynton Lemar UC Davis 16 2 67.0
49 Bob 5 42 Thomas Welsh UCLA 3 3 66.0
50 Jake 3 28 Bonzie Colson Notre Dame 5 2 66.0
51 0 0 Jock Landale St Mary's 7 2 66.0
52 0 0 Nick Ward Michigan St 9 2 65.5
53 0 0 Reggie Upshaw Middle Tenn 12 2 65.5
54 Luke 6 57 Sviatoslav Mykhailiuk Kansas 1 4 65.0
55 0 0 Zak Irvin Michigan 7 3 65.0
56 0 0 Josh Perkins Gonzaga 1 6 64.0
57 0 0 Landry Shamet Wichita St 10 2 63.5
58 0 0 E.C. Matthews Rhode Island 11 2 63.5
59 Chris 3 25 Landen Lucas Kansas 1 4 63.0
60 Bob 7 62 Dwayne Bacon Florida St 3 2 62.0
61 0 0 Isaac Hamilton UCLA 3 3 62.0
62 Stu 2 15 Monte Morris Iowa St 5 2 62.0
63 0 0 Shaquille Morris Wichita St 10 2 61.5
64 0 0 Andrew Chrabascz Butler 4 3 61.0
65 James 2 14 Donovan Mitchell Louisville 2 2 60.0
66 0 0 Scottie Lindsey Northwestern 8 2 59.5
67 Jake 4 33 Jawun Evans Oklahoma St 10 1 59.0
68 Brian 2 20 Jonathan Isaac Florida St 3 2 58.0
69 0 0 Daryl Macon Arkansas 8 2 55.5
70 0 0 D.J. Johnson Kansas St 11 2 55.5
71 Luke 7 64 Dusan Ristic Arizona 2 3 55.0
72 0 0 Norbertas Giga Jacksonville St 15 1 55.0
73 0 0 Barry Brown Kansas St 11 2 54.5
74 0 0 Junior Robinson Mount St Marys 16 2 54.5
75 0 0 Anthony Lamb Vermont 13 1 54.0
76 Stu 3 26 Grayson Allen Duke 2 2 53.0
77 James 5 47 Deonte Burton Iowa St 5 2 53.0
78 0 0 Bryant Crawford Wake Forest 11 1 53.0
79 Bob 3 22 Jayson Tatum Duke 2 2 52.0
80 Gav 3 29 John Collins Wake Forest 11 1 52.0
81 0 0 Jimmy Hall Kent State 14 1 51.5
82 0 0 JeQuan Lewis VCU 10 1 50.5
83 0 0 Brandon Goodwin Florida Gulf Coast 14 1 50.5
84 Brian 4 40 Amile Jefferson Duke 2 2 50.0
85 0 0 Cameron Oliver Nevada 12 1 50.0
86 0 0 Jordan Caroline Nevada 12 1 49.5
87 Shawn 8 78 Jordan Washington Iona 14 1 49.5
88 Jake 6 53 Rawle Alkins Arizona 2 3 49.0
89 0 0 Gary Clark Cincinnati 6 2 49.0
90 0 0 Aaron Holiday UCLA 3 3 48.0
91 Shawn 6 58 Nathan Adrian West Virginia 4 3 48.0
92 Stu 4 35 Bryce Alford UCLA 3 3 47.0
93 0 0 Xavier Cooks Winthrop 13 1 47.0
94 0 0 Quinton Hooker North Dakota 15 1 47.0
95 0 0 Chris Flemmings UNCW 12 1 46.5
96 Dan 7 70 Kadeem Allen Arizona 2 3 45.0
97 0 0 Manu Lecomte Baylor 3 3 44.0
98 Luke 5 44 Markis McDuffie Wichita St 10 2 42.5
99 0 0 Jordon Varnado Troy 15 1 42.5
100 0 0 Mangok Mathiang Louisville 2 2 42.0
101 Gav 7 69 Jo Lual-Acuil Jr. Baylor 3 3 42.0
102 0 0 Zach LeDay Virginia Tech 9 1 41.5
103 0 0 Nana Foulland Bucknell 13 1 41.5
104 0 0 Xavier Rathan-Mayes Florida St 3 2 41.0
105 0 0 Spencer Weisz Princeton 12 1 40.5
106 0 0 Ian Baker New Mex St 14 1 40.5
107 Bob 4 39 Deng Adel Louisville 2 2 40.0
108 0 0 Khadeen Carrington Seton Hall 9 1 39.5
109 0 0 Rodney Bullock Providence 11 1 39.5
110 0 0 Elijah Long Mount St Marys 16 2 39.5
111 James 8 74 Giddy Potts Middle Tenn 12 2 39.0
112 Brian 5 41 Angel Delgado Seton Hall 9 1 38.5
113 0 0 JaJuan Johnson Marquette 10 1 38.5
114 0 0 Calvin Hermanson St Mary's 7 2 38.0
115 Chris 4 36 Hassan Martin Rhode Island 11 2 38.0
116 0 0 Lavone Holland II N Kentucky 15 1 37.5
117 0 0 Keon Johnson Winthrop 13 1 37.0
118 0 0 Jeffrey Carroll Oklahoma St 10 1 36.5
119 0 0 Mike Daum South Dakota St 16 1 36.5
120 Gav 2 12 Jalen Brunson Villanova 1 2 36.0
121 0 0 Deon Edwin Kent State 14 1 35.5
122 Bob 1 2 Josh Hart Villanova 1 2 35.0
123 0 0 London Perrantes Virginia 5 2 35.0
124 0 0 Drew McDonald N Kentucky 15 1 35.0
125 0 0 Luke Kornet Vanderbilt 9 1 34.5
126 0 0 Al Freeman Baylor 3 3 34.0
127 0 0 Dajuan Graf NC Central 16 1 34.0
128 Brian 7 61 T.J. Cromer E Tenn St 13 1 33.5
129 0 0 Frank Jackson Duke 2 2 33.0
130 Luke 8 77 Canyon Barry Florida 4 4 33.0
131 Dan 6 51 Matt Farrell Notre Dame 5 2 33.0
132 James 4 34 Semi Ojeleye SMU 6 1 33.0
133 0 0 Malcolm Drumwright Jacksonville St 15 1 31.0
134 0 0 Erik Thomas New Orleans 16 1 30.5
135 0 0 Seth Allen Virginia Tech 9 1 30.0
136 Dan 8 71 Patrick Cole NC Central 16 1 30.0
137 Brian 6 60 Kyle Washington Cincinnati 6 2 29.0
138 0 0 Bruce Brown Miami 8 1 29.0
139 0 0 Zach Thomas Bucknell 13 1 29.0
140 0 0 Geno Crandall North Dakota 15 1 28.5
141 0 0 Sam Cassell Jr. Iona 14 1 27.5
142 James 3 27 Mikal Bridges Villanova 1 2 27.0
143 Luke 1 4 Luke Kennard Duke 2 2 27.0
144 Dan 4 31 Quentin Snider Louisville 2 2 27.0
145 0 0 Jordan Murphy Minnesota 5 1 27.0
146 0 0 Luke Fischer Marquette 10 1 26.0
147 0 0 Payton Henson Vermont 13 1 26.0
148 0 0 Steven Cook Princeton 12 1 25.5
149 0 0 Eli Chuha New Mex St 14 1 25.5
150 Stu 6 55 V.J. Beachem Notre Dame 5 2 25.0
151 Shawn 7 63 Sterling Brown SMU 6 1 25.0
152 0 0 Davon Reed Miami 8 1 24.5
153 0 0 Phil Forte, III Oklahoma St 10 1 24.0
154 Shawn 2 18 Kris Jenkins Villanova 1 2 23.0
155 0 0 Zach Lofton Texas Southern 16 1 23.0
156 0 0 Wesley Person Troy 15 1 22.5
157 0 0 Kyron Cartwright Providence 11 1 21.5
158 0 0 Jaylen Johnson Louisville 2 2 21.0
159 0 0 Justin Tillman VCU 10 1 20.5
160 0 0 Demontrae Jefferson Texas Southern 16 1 20.0
161 0 0 Christavious Gill New Orleans 16 1 19.5
162 Stu 8 75 Carlton Bragg Kansas 1 4 19.0
163 0 0 Justin Jackson Maryland 6 1 18.0
164 0 0 C.J. Bryce UNCW 12 1 18.0
165 0 0 Darral Willis Jr. Wichita St 10 2 17.5
166 Jake 8 73 Conner Frankamp Wichita St 10 2 17.5
167 0 0 Marcus Foster Creighton 6 1 17.0
168 Jake 5 48 Melo Trimble Maryland 6 1 17.0
169 0 0 Kendall Pollard Dayton 7 1 17.0
170 0 0 Justin Patton Creighton 6 1 16.0
171 0 0 Reed Tellinghuisen South Dakota St 16 1 15.5
172 0 0 Devon Hall Virginia 5 2 15.0
173 0 0 Demetris Morant Florida Gulf Coast 14 1 15.0
174 0 0 Jeff Roberson Vanderbilt 9 1 14.0
175 0 0 Charles Cooke Dayton 7 1 12.0
176 Bob 8 79 Ben Moore SMU 6 1 10.0
177 0 0 Desonta Bradford E Tenn St 13 1 10.0
178 Gav 6 52 Nate Mason Minnesota 5 1 9.0
179 0 0 Rickey McGill Iona 14 1 3.0



Sunday, March 26, 2017

March Madness Fantasy 2017 - Elite Eight

Blah blah blah, Chris had three of THE STUDS

OWNER ROUND SELECTION PLAYER TEAM SEED GAME4_SCORE
1 Chris 1 5 Nigel Williams-Goss Gonzaga 1 38
2 James 7 67 Johnathan Williams Gonzaga 1 32
3 Chris 5 45 Jordan Bell Oregon 3 32
4 Chris 6 56 Sindarius Thornwell South Carolina 7 32
5 Brian 1 1 Frank Mason III Kansas 1 29
6 Gav 1 9 Kennedy Meeks North Carolina 1 29
7 Stu 1 6 Justin Jackson North Carolina 1 28

As for THE DUDS,

OWNER ROUND SELECTION PLAYER TEAM SEED GAME4_SCORE
1 Stu 8 75 Carlton Bragg Kansas 1 0
2 Luke 8 77 Canyon Barry Florida 4 4
3 Chris 7 65 Devin Robinson Florida 4 5
4 Jake 2 13 Devonte' Graham Kansas 1 6
5 Dan 3 30 Isaiah Hicks North Carolina 1 8
6 Gav 4 32 Przemek Karnowski Gonzaga 1 11
7 Luke 6 57 Sviatoslav Mykhailiuk Kansas 1 12

Carlton Bragg DID NOT PLAY, COACH'S DECISION. Goddamnit Stu! The Florida guys sucked, and of course Devonte' Graham couldn't hit shit.

Chris is up to 705 points. The only intrigue left in this league is if he can top Bob's record of 831 last year.



 

 

Saturday, March 25, 2017

March Madness Fantasy 2017 - Sweet Sixteen

I stayed up to watch all the games last night and woke up with a sore throat and then noticed I was a bit achy and fatigued and then I got a fever and chills. So many chills. I caught up on The Americans, which is a very good show. I have taken medication. I am hot and cold. This is not a March Madness joke. This is a serious illness. Boo, it is very bad. Here's what happened last round:

THE STUDS

OWNER ROUND SELECTION PLAYER TEAM SEED GAME3_SCORE
1 Gav 5 49 Ethan Happ Wisconsin 8 47.5
2 Jake 1 8 De'Aaron Fox Kentucky 2 47.0
3 James 6 54 Trevon Bluiett Xavier 11 42.0
4 Brian 1 1 Frank Mason III Kansas 1 39.0
5 Stu 1 6 Justin Jackson North Carolina 1 33.0
6 Chris 5 45 Jordan Bell Oregon 3 32.0
7 Chris 8 76 Derrick Walton Jr. Michigan 7 32.0

Bluiett and Happ, studs once again. Some other people as well. Two of Chris' players - his Oregon man defeated his Michigan man.

THE DUDS

OWNER ROUND SELECTION PLAYER TEAM SEED GAME3_SCORE
1 Chris 3 25 Landen Lucas Kansas 1 6
2 Stu 8 75 Carlton Bragg Kansas 1 7
3 Jake 6 53 Rawle Alkins Arizona 2 8
4 Luke 8 77 Canyon Barry Florida 4 9
5 Bob 2 19 Edrice Adebayo Kentucky 2 10
6 Dan 3 30 Isaiah Hicks North Carolina 1 12
7 Shawn 6 58 Nathan Adrian West Virginia 4 12

Oh, no. Chris had two studs and one dud, his beloved Landen Lucas, who I think had foul trouble, I can't remember and also can't focus on anything except the pounding in my head. Carlton Bragg again. Woof. I am thirsty but can I even walk upstairs for water?

Canyon Barry is a dud, except that his block from behind on the fast break enabled Florida to make a miracle buzzer beater moments later. A hero to some, a dud to others. Like Ronald Reagan, who is the president chess matching with the USSR in FX's The Americans, a really good show.


Had Barry failed, Gav would be moving on with Happ, and challenging Chris, perhaps. Instead he's got two players left, both from teams that Chris has players from: UNC and Gonzaga. The block also meant Chris moves on with 6 of the 7 players he entered the round with. From which he entered. I am so miserable right now, health-wise.


 Brian has a Zag and KU's Mason. Again, Chris has players from those teams. Jake has KU and one Kentucky guy, so he's also stalled out.


It seems the only contender to Chris' catbird seat is James, who could benefit from Xavier bonus points, and get Kentucky points as well. So it might take a Xavier vs Kentucky final. Is it mathematically possible? Maybe, I am very tired and hurt.

The highest scorers have been the bonus players of Blueitt and Happ. Perhaps some others will overtake them.


I am going to eat soup now.



Monday, March 20, 2017

March Madness Fantasy 2017 - Round of 32

Two more days of basketball have elapsed, sands through the hourglass, more of our lives taken from us, a death by a thousand cuts. It really makes you question... who were the top seven studs and duds from the second round of the 2017 NCAA Division I Men's Basketball Tournament?


THE STUDS

OWNER ROUND SELECTION PLAYER TEAM SEED GAME2_SCORE
1 James 6 54 Trevon Bluiett Xavier 11 55.0
2 Gav 8 72 Miles Bridges Michigan St 9 48.5
3 Shawn 5 43 Jacorey Williams Middle Tenn 12 44.5
4 Stu 5 46 Bryant McIntosh Northwestern 8 43.0
5 Gav 5 49 Ethan Happ Wisconsin 8 39.5
6 Brian 3 21 Caleb Swanigan Purdue 4 38.0
7 Jake 3 28 Bonzie Colson Notre Dame 5 36.0

You can do it, put your Bluiett to it! (Rhyming "it" with "it" was one of Ice Cube's greatest lyrical feats.) Gav, Shawn, Stu, and Jake also got nice performances from their players' swan song.


THE DUDS

OWNER ROUND SELECTION PLAYER TEAM SEED GAME2_SCORE
1 Chris 4 36 Hassan Martin Rhode Island 11 0.5
2 Stu 8 75 Carlton Bragg Kansas 1 1.0
3 Dan 4 31 Quentin Snider Louisville 2 3.0
4 Gav 7 69 Jo Lual-Acuil Jr. Baylor 3 5.0
5 James 3 27 Mikal Bridges Villanova 1 6.0
6 Shawn 4 38 Isaiah Briscoe Kentucky 2 8.0
7 James 8 74 Giddy Potts Middle Tenn 12 8.0

Holy moly, look at all these jerks! I double-checked to be sure, and these sucks really did suck this much! Martin and Snider were each responsible for their team failing to advance. Carlton Bragg is Carlton Bragg. The Baylor tall dude only attempted three shots.

And despite the poor outing from the Rhode Island Ram, Chris has claimed the seat of the catbirds.



He's got 7 student-athletes left, and is seated on the seat despite getting only 23 points TOTAL from his second-round pick of UNC's Joel Berry II. Remember how I joked about Frankenberry last round? Hilarious. His biggest point totals have been generated by his seven-seed stars from Michigan and South Carolina. Improbable!


Jake fell to fourth place, and has only three men remaining. Conner Frankamp, yikes. Jake got 17.5 points out of that loser, who played TWO games with the BONUS MULTIPLIER. The best thing about Frankamp this year was him inspiring that Frankenberry joke from the last round. God, that was so funny.

Here's a look at how the owned players are doing:




And here's a look at the worst performances of the tourney. This shows every player we drafted or were likely to draft (a top two or three scorer from their team). Joel Berry II is the 150th ranked player out of 179. Jake has two of these bottom-feeders, and that's not going to get it done in March, friend. Canyon Barry isn't lighting it up, but he's still alive, and he's not the worst pick of the draft by any means. That dishonor likely belongs to Shawn for drafting Villanova's Kris Jenkins in the second round. Drafting the hero of last year's championship team that returned 3/5 of its staring lineup and earned the #1 overall seed? WHAT AN IDIOT!


-->

OWNERROUNDSELECTIONPLAYERTEAMSEEDTOTAL_GAMESTOTAL_SCORE
150Chris216Joel Berry IINorth Carolina1123
151Shawn218Kris JenkinsVillanova1123
152
00Zach LoftonTexas Southern16123
153
00Wesley PersonTroy15122.5
154
00Josh PerkinsGonzaga1122
155
00Kyron CartwrightProvidence11121.5
156
00Jaylen JohnsonLouisville2121
157
00Justin TillmanVCU10120.5
158Luke877Canyon BarryFlorida4120
159
00Demontrae JeffersonTexas Southern16120
160
00Christavious GillNew Orleans16119.5
161
00KeVaughn AllenFlorida4119
162
00Justin JacksonMaryland6118
163
00C.J. BryceUNCW12118
164
00Darral Willis Jr.Wichita St10117.5
165Jake873Conner FrankampWichita St10117.5
166
00Marcus FosterCreighton6117
167Jake548Melo TrimbleMaryland6117
168
00Kendall PollardDayton7117
169
00Justin PattonCreighton6116
170
00Reed TellinghuisenSouth Dakota St16115.5
171
00Devon HallVirginia5115
172
00Demetris MorantFlorida Gulf Coast14115
173
00Jeff RobersonVanderbilt9114
174Stu875Carlton BraggKansas1112
175
00Charles CookeDayton7112
176Bob879Ben MooreSMU6110
177
00Desonta BradfordE Tenn St13110
178Gav652Nate MasonMinnesota519
179
00Rickey McGillIona1413


So, who can catch Chris? Luke and myself have the most remaining players, but have the most ground to make up.

CHRIS NEEDS Gonzaga to advance. If his lesser-seeded stars from Florida, Michigan, and South Carolina lose, he'd be best served by an Oregon vs Gonzaga final. KU wins may or may not be good for him, since Lucas may not put up big stats while Mason and Jackson do.

STU NEEDS Purdue to upset KU, and to meet UNC in the Final Four. He really only has 3 active players, since his fourth active player is Carlton Bragg. It's kind of like how George Martin was the fifth Beatle, but he really wasn't a Beatle at all.

BRIAN NEEDS to come to grips with the fact he is completely screwed. KU's Mason will knock out Purdue's Swanigan, or vice versa. And his Gonzaga guy is cancelled out by Chris' Zag. Still, with enough injuries or plane crashes, I suppose Mason could take him to titletown.

JAKE NEEDS Arizona, Kentucky, and KU to reach the Final Four, and his guys on those teams to score very many points.

JAMES NEEDS Xavier to win at least one or two more games, preferably every game. And Kentucky to win on the other side of the bracket.

GAV NEEDS Gonzaga, UNC, and Wisconsin in the Final Four, Wisconsin being the most important for Happ's bonus points.

SHAWN NEEDS Arizona to meet KU in the final. His WV and Kentucky players are more of role players that won't pile up a ton of points.

BOB NEEDS Butler to win big, and also be transferred to another region, and also for UCLA and Kentucky to be split up into other regions. Or, for Independence Day aliens to hover over KC, NYC, and San Jose before unleashing their destruction beam, leaving only the South region players unscathed.

DAN NEEDS Arizona (I've got the PG and the weird Euro forward) to meet UCLA or Oregon in the final. My UNC guy is probably better off eliminated, since UNC also helps Gav, Chris, and Stu.

LUKE NEEDS Baylor to best Canyon Barry and reach the Final Four, beat West Virginia, and attend the championship vs UCLA. UCLA vs KU on the other side of the bracket could be very nice, if his guys have very nice games.