Friday, April 29, 2011

Dream Baby

Last night I experienced a vivid dream wherein I held my tiny child and felt a very real, very strong emotional bond with him or her.

Looking back, I definitely should not have been transporting the infant in a plastic orange jack-o-lantern.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Text Rodeo

Catching up on text messages in the past few weeks:

April 13, 8:36 p.m.

MATT: Do you like being married or is it pretty gay?

ME: It's fun in kind of a gay way

March 31, 7:59 p.m.

ME: How bad is the rioting after the Shockers NIT Championship?

PAT: The worst in Wichita history. I'll be right in front throwing cinder blocks at cars and lighting trash cans on fire. We know how to celebrate a big win.

ME: Burn down a Spangles for me.

PAT: I'd burn a Spangles even if they didn't win.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

No Bologna? No.

I had to search the archives to make sure I hadn't told you this before. Sure enough, I only have one solid bologna-related story in the written past.

I've mostly converted to peanut butter and jelly for a packed lunch, but every one or two years I crave bologna. I've come to enjoy them as such: soft wheat bread (not the better-for-you fiber-filled stuff), a small amount of Miracle Whip, one or two slices of light bologna (which seems to be healthier than turkey bologna). American cheese optional. Then, insert a white corn tortilla chip into the sandwich prior to taking the corresponding bite. Salty! Crunchy! Bologna!

In other sandwich news, the 'Book indicates Jack Serpentine ate this today.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

It's A Nice Day For A Nice Wedding - Part Two

After the ceremony a checklist appeared in my brain. Family photos. Trolley ride to next location. Wedding Party photos. Ride to next location. Entrance to reception. Dinner. Cake cutting. First dancing. Until we made it to dinner, I felt more stressed than I should have. I was riding around on a trolley full of great friends and alcohol, and yet I had a worry in the world? Gav started a "USA! USA!" chant while we were piloted through the Plaza, and I was up in my head? Not a great job by me.

Dinner was good. I wasn't too hungry but I was anxious to shove as much food as I could into my gullet so I could start drinking in earnest - I'd only had water and a shot of Tuaca on the trolley. It was more than an hour after dinner before I had a real drink, and my total for the night was one mere Jack and Coke followed by a few cans of Miller Lite.

Is this boring? Probably. All this text is just an excuse to get to this part:

When my lady and I were trying to decide what song to use for our first dance, I had one or two in mind. During the second New Pornographers concert we attended together, I waited until "Go Places" was played, suggested we use it, and she agreed. Knowing it was a 3/4 waltz beat, we assumed we could learn a waltz step for it, which we eventually did, five days before performing it, by looking at two YouTube videos and practicing for 30 minutes in our living room.

When we began to dance, Kim asked if I'd looked at my ring yet. Of course I'd had no time or mental capacity to do that, as she assumed, so it was during our first dance that she let me know she'd had it engraved with lyrics from the song: "Stay with me, go places ... Kim".

(Thanks to Bag's fancy camera and time for the photo.)

It was a great surprise, and well worth having that song stuck in my head for the following four days.

Then other reception stuff happened, then the reception was over, then we had a nice late breakfast the following morning, then we open some presents, then we drove home and that's where we live, together.

Monday, April 11, 2011

It's A Nice Day For A Nice Wedding - Part One

If I document my time in downtown Buffalo, I should probably write down some thoughts on my wedding weekend.

I waited until Rams and Alipete arrived at our Lawrence home before heading off to the big city to meet my dad - a decision I immediately regretted when Rams entered the house singing "Going to the Chapel". I shushed her, said my goodbyes, and left.


This was the first of many difficult food and drink decisions made during the weekend. In all cases, I needed to choose a food with very low risk for causing indigestion, sluggishness, or other maladies. In this case, I also needed just enough food to last me until the huge rehearsal dinner. Two blueberry pancakes at First Watch in Corporate Woods, Overland Park. Pops had the same.

We then drove around a bit, stopping at Liberty Memorial to spend an hour looking at very old cannons, rifles, and sidearms. After dropping him at his hotel, I checked in at the Aladdin and schlepped all the luggage to the 15th floor. Floyd was given the suite room key while the groomsmen drove to the church to rehearse; he ordered a turkey sandwich from room service.

Nothing interesting happened at the rehearsal.

First Fridays complicated the parking situation at Lydia's, but eventually everyone made it to the upstairs loft for dinner, and eventually the staff figured out they needed a few extra chairs to seat us all. I gave an unplanned welcome speech - something about it being "Suspiciously easy" to integrate into Kim's family and "You all mean a lot to us" and "Please accept this pasta and fish as thanks".


Ceasar Salad
Fettucine with Broccoli in Garlic Olive Oil
Grilled Salmon
Bracialone (rolled pork shoulder stuffed with golden raisins, prosciutto, and Montasio cheese, braised in tomato sauce)
Garlic Mashed Potatoes
Green Beans

I had a glass of wine with dinner, and an unexpected drink of Tuaca after the meal, but was too concerned about ramifications to drink more, even as friends began to stop by the loft.

I got to bed around 12:30. I slept until 4:30, when I noticed my phone was chirping a text message notification. I had a hard time determining if I was really awake or if I was dreaming, and I asked myself that question at least three times before getting back to sleep.


Serpentine, Nathan, Matt, Camille and I walked to the nearby Hotel Phillips for breakfast. Service was slow, but eventually my safe, non-buffet choice arrived - an omelette with bacon, onions, and peppers alongside fried potatoes.

Then came the annoyingly prolonged gap between breakfast and leaving for the church - about two and a half hours to sit in my room and wonder if I should put on my pants now? Or wait a couple more minutes? Save the tie for later I guess? I passed out the world least thrilling, most John Olerud-esque groomsmen gifts of all time. For the tornado alley dwellers: weather radios! For the coastal residents: solar/crank-powered radios! I don't know. The idea began as a survival kit for the coming end of days, but quickly deteriorated when I noticed many kit items (knives, fire starters) would be frowned upon by the TSA. This time was also used to present me with a trophy. The tradition of buying the groom a small, pathetic trophy cup with "Congratulations on your first marriage" engraved on the name plate began with Nathan's wedding. I cannot explain why. And similarly, who knows what possesses us to continue. Fun, I guess? It's pretty fun.

At the church, we sat around in a spare room with a TV, catching the end of the Royals win and a bit of "Timecop", greeting a few family and friends as they wandered by. I knotted my tie at an acceptable length on the first try, and dared not to improve upon it.

My anxiety was fine until I stood next to the pastor, preparing to make our entrance. Although I did pay close attention during the rehearsal, I had to specifically ask him if I was walking up there NOW, or if he was going in to do something first.

So, there I stood at the front of the church.

I get anxious before most anything. A few weeks ago, I prepared for a fantasy draft in a cold sweat. My heart races before scholar's bowl matches, pickup basketball games, unintimidating public speaking events...

So, at the front of the church, my breathing was good, my heart hate was up, and my face was twitching. That was a new and unwelcome symptom of anxiety for me. The muscle spasms stopped after the bride was next to me.

Hey - is it just me, or when you're standing in front of a crowd do you not really look at any faces, just the blur of humanity?

During the ceremony: very conscious of my posture and hand placement. Very hot under those lights. I listened closely throughout, but can't really repeat anything that was said aside from the "that's what she said" moments.


Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Still A Thing

I swear to the great spirit that this is still a thing. Stay tuned.