Thursday, September 24, 2009

Naming Rights? No! Naming Wrongs!

Guh. More of this. Yet. Again.

More bad stuff:

Females
RICKLYN
ARIEN
IZABELL
ANNESIA
Males
BEHR
KYLER
WESSON


I read a lot of the same phrases over and over on these trips. "Artificial rupture of membranes" always leaps off the page. Man, those are three negative words to put together into one yuck phrase.

Today, I was greeted with this never-before-seen beauty: "Incompetent cervix".

I wish we mocked more body parts like that.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Miner Details

I love the new Coors beer ad. Sam Elliott narrates,
"In 1873, Coors Banquet was shipped by stage to places like Durango, Leadville, and Cripple Creek. Thirsty miners demanded a beer made with the best high country barley, and only Rocky Mountain water. Today, our beer is shipped by rail, to places like Memphis, Buffalo, and Sacramento. But one thing hasn't changed: folks still demand a Banquet. Coors: The Banquet Beer"


Ha ha. Hey Coors, I fixed your copy for you:
"In 1873, Coors Banquet was shipped by stage to places like Durango, Leadville, and Cripple Creek. Thirsty miners demanded a beer made with the best high country barley, and only Rocky Mountain water that would get them so drunk they would forget the tedium of their work, the ache in their backs, and the overwhelming sadness in their hearts. Today, our beer is shipped by rail, to places like Memphis, Buffalo, and Sacramento. But one thing hasn't changed: folks still demand a Banquet cheap way to get fucked up. Coors: The Banquet Beer"

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Text Time, Revisited

Good texts received so far this week...


9/15/09 7:21 PM

Just overheard some guy say: Rocktober 13th. I want to fucking kill him.

--GAV



9/14/09 4:10 PM

I'm listening to a black woman talking on the phone telling someone that the antichrist diseased her baby and that he is coming soon for her.

--MATT

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Ballroom

I went to a wedding Saturday. It was a lot of fun. It was at Kansas City's historic President Hotel, built in the 1920s. The ballroom was stately.


It was a little odd to see this (carved? molded? designed? what do you call these little pieces of artwork?) into the ballroom walls.


I still have a lot to learn about the Jazz Age.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Whistle While You Work

I looked at more terrible baby names today at another hospital. The office we were placed in listened to a country music station all day. It was not super. Even less super: the employee that whistled along to every song. She even continued whistling during the commercial breaks. I wished foul things upon her. I wonder what her two co-workers have wished upon her. Surely they've had that conversation by now, right? "Could you stop the whistling, please?" "Is this bothering you?" "Very much." "I love to whistle." "Please stop." "I won a contest once." "Please." "I'd rather not." "Please?" "No deal."

Driving home, I was troubled to find a poorly-secured load of onions on the semi in front of me. I sensed danger and switched lanes 20 seconds before the first sweet yellow onion escaped its red twine bag and bounced onto the pavement.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Hiatus

Hyper-extended my left wrist going for a steal. Typing with right hand only. See you when I'm not a cripple!