Monday, May 31, 2010

Things To Do In Dupont When You're Invited To A Wedding


Woke up at 3:30 for 6 a.m. flight. Ate one two of my beloved Teaism ginger scones, while everyone else raved about the sausage. Led a tour of the national mall, including Union Station, the Supreme Court, and my beloved Library of Congress.

We added friends to the group as they arrived at the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial. There was a whole lot of handsome in front of the White House.

Filled with french cuisine, we walked to Stoney's for the wedding eve festivities. When the night was still young, Jack Serpentine regaled us with a telling of the "Hot Hamburger" story, about his youngest brother Dimebag, as Dimebag himself nodded along.

(The sound is not great, but it's acceptable. The unrecorded beginning of the story is simple: their family was out to eat at The Carriage Crossing, deciding what to order...)

Later, while I was raconteuring, a bunch of shots were taken. Mistakes were made.

My lady and I stayed up past one despite our early start, but were not among the heroes who closed the bar.


Not much going on Saturday.

Saturday. What a total bore.


Museums. A Thai meal that resulted in Floyd's newest nickname, taken from the menu: Crying Tiger.


Brunch, return flight, Arthur Bryant's, home.



Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Real Talk

Overrated breakfast food: Eggs

Underrated breakfast food: Potatoes

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Dreaming My Dreams

Last night in my dream:

*The Royals scored 36 runs and still lost.

*Gav and I were in Texas, eating biscuits and gravy at a nothing-but-biscuits-and-gravy place.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Not Awesome Show Bad Job

I have tried to get into "Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!" a few times. It's loved by those I love, but it's not my cup of tea. Case in point, my favorite actor, John C Reilly, debuted his "Tim and Eric" spin-off show last night, "Check It Out!", and I only laughed once -- when his Dr. Steve Brule character discovered that "sushi meat is a big rip-off - it's just cat scraps".

Part of me is happy that programs as odd as "Tim and Eric" and "Check It Out!" are allowed on television (albeit cable television, Mondays at 12:30 a.m. Eastern, for only fifteen minutes at a time); yet, I can't help but wish my beloved JCR was spending his time on other projects.

Here are some other artists I'd like to control:

Adam Sandler

Sandler was nominated for a Golden Globe for his work in "Punch Drunk Love", and was critically well-received for his somewhat serious role in "Funny People". On the other hand, he won the Kids' Choice Award for his 2007 turd "Click". After fifteen years of making piles of cash from middling fart movies, it's time to move up to more challenging fare.

While we're on topic, how about his new movie, "Grown Ups"? "After their high school basketball coach passes away, five good friends and former teammates reunite for a Fourth of July holiday weekend."

Here are the heights listed for these five teammates -- if these dweebs won a single high school basketball game, their coach was certainly legendary enough for a mournful reunion:

Center - Chris Rock - 5'11"
Power Forward - Kevin James - 5'9"
Small Forward - Adam Sandler - 5'10"
Shooting Guard - David Spade - 5'7"
Point Guard - Rob Schneider - 5'6"

Bill Murray

Murray likes to claim he's retired, so no one will bother him with movie projects. When he does pick a role, Jim Jarmusch films him in black-and-white, smoking a cigarette and staring out a window for 90 minutes. Murray needs to unleash a Rushmore-esque (or even better, a Groundhog Day-esque) role every two years, or a Zombieland-esque cameo every year. That leaves plenty of off-time for a retiree.

Kristin Wiig

Wiig is either a smart comedian who chooses to recycle wacky characters so she can get screen time every week on SNL, or she's a one-trick pony. I'm guessing it's the former, which means my real complaint is with Lorne Michaels. Regardless, I'd like to see more variety from Wiig.

Dave Eggers

Stop helping others via your non-profits and start writing me fiction, Mr. Eggers, you altruistic bastard. Also, while "Away We Go" was okay and I hear "Where the Wild Things Are" was good, I need you to write novels and not screenplays.

She & Him

I would dissolve the musical partnership of M Ward and Zooey Deschanel, restricting Deschanel's output to films where she does not play a manic pixie dreamgirl. (And more cotton commercials -- I guess I have no problem with the cotton commercials.) Ward can keep his membership in the Monsters of Folk supergroup, but must produce two solo albums for every MOF collaboration.

James Mercer

The Shins are fired, or at least on haitus, while Mercer experiments with his sound. Uh oh. His Danger Mouse collaboration, Broken Bells, didn't do it for me, so I'd push him back toward his Shins sound.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Baby Bella

Knowing my authority on baby names, alipete made sure I saw the Times' story on America's most popular baby names. You've probably heard by now that 2009's wise parents most often chose two "Twilight"-related names, Isabella and Jacob.

Well, whatever. You can't really be mad about Jacob. Jacob's always been a popular name, despite all odds. I mean, I could never name my boy Jacob, because I'd be constantly reminded of the Esau/Jacob bible story. What a ridiculous story! Jacob had to wear goatskins to simulate the hairiness of his brother -- gross!

When refreshing my memory of this epic and absurd tale, I read this:
Onlookers named the first עשו, Esau (`Esav or `Esaw, meaning "hairy" or "rough", from Hebrew: עשה‎, `asah, "do" or "make"; or "completely developed", from Hebrew: עשוי‎, `assui).

The second is named יעקב, Jacob (Ya`aqob or Ya`aqov, meaning "heel-catcher", "supplanter", "leg-puller", "he who follows upon the heels of one", from Hebrew: עקב‎, `aqab or `aqav, "seize by the heel", "circumvent", "restrain", a wordplay upon Hebrew: עקבה‎, `iqqebah or `iqqbah, "heel").
Onlookers named these kids? They named them Hairy and Heel-Catcher? And those names were so perfect, they stuck forever? As badly as I'd like to mock mothers for naming a girl Isabella because of their love for a fictional undead metaphor for sexual anxiety, they've got nothing on those old Hebrews.

Monday, May 03, 2010

Chile Dogs

Is it too soon?

I've been saving Matt's Chilean-earthquake-related text in my phone for months now, waiting for time to sufficiently dilute the tragedy. Now, with oil spreading throughout the Gulf of Mexico and Nashville flooded and Boston without water and a car bomb in Times Square, surely it's time to laugh.
"I wonder how many cats got killed -- I bet the dog death toll is catastrophic. They all hang out under stuff that could fall on them."

(For further reading: Matt and I on Chile's coast.)

* * *

We saw "Kick-Ass" two weeks ago, and the trailer for this upcoming Ashton Kutcher / Katherine Heigl vehicle. At the trailer's conclusion, I said, "Ugh! Put it in your mouth!"