My Life In Song: Nirvana - Nevermind

This is part three of a very slowly continuing series.

Certain songs remind us or certain memories. These are my associated memories for Nirvana's seminal "Nevermind" album. I obtained "Nevermind" through the ubiquitous but technically illegal process of "dubbing" -- cassette to cassette copying -- my brother's purchased copy.


1.> Smells Like Teen Spirit

My home didn't have cable TV, so I don't associate this song with a grunge pep rally. I think of sharing the back seat of my mom's car with fellow seventh-grader and best friend Chris. We were on the way to the Odyssey of the Mind tournament. Chris quoted the a short phrase from the song, "a mosquito", while making creepy hand gestures. He said nothing of the lyric that followed, "my libido", because we had no idea what that meant. (See: Odyssey of the Mind tournament, the weekend activity we became involved in through our school's gifted program.)


2.> In Bloom

Eighth grade. The school bus that took us home from a road basketball game was equipped with a tape deck, an unheard of upgrade over the standard AM/FM radio. After wasting this accessory for the majority of the trip, I was allowed to insert a cassette. Maybe "In Bloom" sticks out because it was the only song we heard before the ride ended, and maybe not, but I do know this: that was the first bus ride on which newly officially recognized couple Jarod E (8th grade) and Angie M (7th grade) sat next to each other.

This song's opening lines became the basis for a joke of my friend Jeff S, which went something like:

"Hey, Jeff! How's it going?"
"Ah, not to good, I had to sell the kids for food again..."

Jeff was in the seventh grade.


3.> Come As You Are

I don't associate this song with any youth event. The only thing it envokes is the billboard outside of Aberdeen, Washington, the home of Kurt Cobain, that encourages visitors to "Come As You Are". Which is lame? Neat? I don't even know anymore.



4. Breed

The 1992 Elite Eight pitted Christian Laettner's Duke Blue Devils against Jamal "Monster Mash" Mashburn's Kentucky Wildcats. Sitting on my grandparents' living room couch, I had "Breed" in my head as I rooted for the upset in what would become the greatest NCAA tournament game ever played. I thought my brain was misremembering the lyrics, and later found I was correct in humming "We can plant a house / we can build a tree" rather than the more logical, less whimsical alternative. Duke won in overtime, thanks to an improbable shot from incredible pussy Laettener, who finished the game perfect from the field as well as the free throw line. Two years later, Cobain killed himself. Coincidence? Or another damning clue that the Seattle police refuse to investigate?


5.> Lithium

I owned a live CD with a killer version of "Lithium", but it was stolen when my house got broken into. Fifteen years later, I could probably find it online. I'm going to look into that.


6.> Polly

Before we drove to compete in Odyssey of the Mind, we had to build our setpiece, a mousetrap-like contraption wherein one event triggered the next. The final phase of construction took place at Keith's house, because his dad had an large, unattached workshed. Despite our parental supervision, JJ had us listening to "Polly wants a cracker / I think I should get off her first". JJ was also responsible for playing Guns N' Roses profanity-laden "Get in the Ring" during a separate after-school project for the gifted program. Smart, athletic, rebellious -- needless to say, JJ was a hit with the ladies.


7.> Territorial Pissings

Nothing.


8.> Drain You

As I've mentioned...

I listened to [Nevermind], particularly Drain You, over and over again on the ride home from a field trip - the first and only field trip we ever took out of the state, to a cave and a salt flat in Oklahoma; I was in the seventh grade, and I was wearing sunglasses. The tinted lenses allowed me to stare at the girl I had a crush on with zero repercussions -- she would look at me a few times, but I just kept looking straight ahead at her, confident that my hideous yet effective sunglasses would shield my obsession.

9.> Lounge Act

Nada.


10.> Stay Away

Pay attention, because this sums up everything you need to know about my relationship with "Nevermind". In environments that prevented me from listening to a personal cassette player -- such as time spent mowing lawns -- I passed the time by playing "Nevermind" in my head, nonstop, front to back. I have a tangible (not literally, of course, but in the parlance of our times) memory of mowing the eastern side of my driveway, just south of the large pine tree, "listening" to the introductory drumbeat of "Stay Away". Related: circling the maple tree in the middle of the yard with Metallica's "Unforgiven" in my head.


11.> On a Plain

Not much. "Love myself better than you" probably seemed a more impressive lyric to me as a teenager than today, and that's even before I saw it as a sexual reference.


12.> Something in the Way

One school night in 1993 or 1994, there was a fundraiser in the auditorium that amounted to an open mike night -- sparsely attended by the group of seniors that developed it and those seniors' younger siblings that tagged along. One male student sang The Lemonheads' "Being Around" solo, unable to find Dan V., his would-be duet partner. Shawn happened to be there, too, with his acoustic guitar that he was learning to play, and we decided it would be a good idea to perform "Something in the Way" -- a perfect choice for budding performers, as it was easy to strum and easy to sing. We rehearsed briefly in the commons before taking the stage, and made it through a verse before my brother walked toward the stage and said, "We're leaving". He wasn't kidding. I hopped off the stage and followed him to the car. I assume the song stopped behind me, or maybe Shawn (and Keith? He may have been up there, too) finished it. Either way, dick move by my bro, who pulled the same stunt at the big, free Collective Soul concert that year. (Making me leave early, not pulling me off stage. Collective Soul and I were close, but not that close.)

Thus ends Nirvana week on Tornado Slide.

My Life In Song: Ben Folds Five - WEAEA

[The second in a very slowly developing series -- the first was about 2 years ago.]

One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces

Like most, my first exposure to Ben Folds Five were the singles "Brick" and "Battle of Who Could Care Less". The song that led me to buy an album, however, was "Emaline", off the "Naked Baby Photos" album, which I heard on our college radio station long before I would go on to broadcast from its frequency. After enjoying "Naked Baby Photos", I picked up "Whatever and Ever Amen". It so happened that I went straight to my girlfriend's dorm after that purchase, so the first time I heard "One Angry Dwarf" play was there, emanating from a stereo that usually played Celine Dion or Trisha Yearwood.

Fair

I would usually skip over "Fair", because I found the chorus of "Ba ba bap"s annoying. This went on for years, until I attended a Ben Folds show at City Market. (Which I actually wrote about for Bag's now-defunct website -- that post is actually still available at the BenFolds.org forum.)

Guster came on stage to join Ben in a rollicking performance of "Fair" -- I was so impressed, "Fair" was the first song I wanted to hear when I got back to my home stereo. A live rendition had never before, and has not since, changed my feelings toward a song so radically.

Brick

I read an interview with Folds, possibly in "Rolling Stone" about his hit as I stood in Goodnow Hall in 1998, keeping my girlfriend company as she worked the front desk. I'm also reminded of a post-concert discussion with a different girlfriend. "I think I'm the only person that still wants to hear him play 'Brick'," she said.

Song for the Dumped

I can no longer distinguish between versions of this I've seen on TV and DVDs and live performances I've personally witnessed.

Selfless, Cold, and Composed

This was always my favorite piece from the album, but it's not attached to any specific memory.

Kate

I usually get bogged down by the lyric, "she hands out the Bhagavad Gita", because I learned what it was once, and can't really recall its significance. (According to Wikipedia, it's a text sacred to the Hindus and Krishnas.)

Smoke

I got Nick Hornby's "Songbook" for Christmas one year. He wrote a piece on this song, and I recall he liked its metaphor. To wit:

"Smoke" is one of the cleverest, wisest songs about the slow death of a relationship that I know... the heartbreaking thing about Folds' song is that it manages to simultaneously convey both the narrator's desperation and the impossibility of a happy outcome.

Cigarette

My previous car was armed with only a cassette player, so I had to dub a lot of CDs to tape. I fit most all of "WEAEA", "Naked Baby Photos", and "Ben Folds Five" onto one 100-minute tape. In order to do so, I rearranged the order of "WEAEA", placing the brief "Cigarette" at the end of side A.

Steven's Last Night in Town

So. I met this girl at a friend's party (it was either a party with the theme of "Pimps, Playas and Ho's" or a celebration for a gay couple that worked with Brad at Target and recently had a commitment ceremony -- tough to say which, and it may have actually been the same party... and no, we weren't very cool back then), and arrangements were (eventually) made to get together. I drove to pick her up, and decided that "WEAEA" was a decent choice for a good first (music-related) impression. Unfortunately, it took me a while to find the correct address. By the time she stepped into the car, the cassette was playing the obnoxious solo to "Steven's Last Night in Town", which sounds like background music for a trapeze act. I believe her exact reaction was, "This is interesting music."

We got to the theater and watched the death and destruction of "Saving Private Ryan" (it bears repeating: I wasn't very cool back then, or smart, so that's how I ended up with that film choice during this first date). Afterward, she mentioned she'd already seen it.

She was (somehow, improbably) interested in dating me after that episode. Even though we lived in the same dorm that year (if you're doing the math, you'll note that this was my second year of college, and just to hammer in the point, yes, I stayed in the dorms for my second year, and no, I wasn't very cool back then), I declined on a relationship. She was a year younger, and dating a college freshman seemed like a bad idea; I thought she should have time to spread her wings, see the world, and all that crap.

And what happened? She became involved with someone immediately, and married him a few years later. I've always been proud of myself for avoiding that relationship -- I like to think that I made her marriage happen.

Battle of Who Could Care Less

This was the first BFF single I ever heard. KICT played it a lot during my high school commute. When I hear it, I think about turning left on 13th from Tyler. I also heard Elvis Costello's "Pump it Up" a lot on my way to school.

Missing the War

I think about the live performance of this song seen on the "Sessions at West 54th" DVD, even when I'm hearing the studio version. This song has supplanted my previous favorite, "Selfless, Cold, and Composed". I like to try (and fail) to hit the high notes when I'm driving.

Evaporated

This song makes me think of a holiday -- either Christmas or Thanksgiving -- that we hosted, back when there was a CD player in my dad's house. I guess I tried to play a little music instead of watching the goddamn parade, and thought this album was acceptable for my aunts and grandparents. I'm sure it was my choice, because my brother tended to play more controversial music, rather than the music he'd expect the guests to enjoy. And that's why we didn't listen to Helmet that Thanksgiving.

My Life In Song: Fiona Apple - Tidal

[I couldn't sleep last night. Before I finally made it to dreamland (dream: rain had caused the ground around my house to shift around, and my dad was there, saying we should move the dirt one way, and I wanted to do it a different way, and Ali was going to take a job in Chicago, and I was hosting some sort of family reunion...), I had a thought. What if I connected every song to a memory? Like Nick Hornby's Songbook, but different. How long would that take? Even if it's possible, would that suck? I decided to give it a shot, starting with the first slot on my alphabetically arranged CD tower.]

Fiona Apple - Tidal

*Fiona Apple in general*
When I think of Fiona, I think about an article I read in Spin magazine. She was raped when she was young, and she altered her memory of it - in her mind, the rapist was Jimi Hendrix.

*The album as a whole*
In my sophomore year of college, as I was making out with Jenny in my dorm room, I became very aware of the silence. I can't recall why I was concerned about it. Either I was didn't want others on the floor to hear us, or I didn't want to hear them. Especially Ross. "Bennett! That's money, dude! Money!" he'd say. I decided to play Tidal in my Aiwa three-disc stereo system.

*Sleep to Dream*
Dad always planted potatoes. Or, more exactly, wanted potatoes planted. My brother and I helped, hoed the rows as they grew, and finally dug them up in the summer. One summer, my brother and I were again assigned the task of harvesting the potatoes.

At that time in his life, my brother's routine was:
1:00 p.m. - Wake up, walk upstairs.
1:30 p.m. - Lay towel on living room floor, a few yards from the TV. Place lunch plate on towel. Eat while lying on stomach.
2:00 p.m. - Shower.
2:30 - 5:00 p.m. - Watch TV, read, other low-impact activities.
5:15 p.m. - Leave the house before Dad got home from work.
3:00 a.m. or so - Return home, retreat to basement, sleep.

As you can clearly see, potatoes were not his thing. Even if I was able to convince him to help me bring in the crop, he wasn't available until the scorching heat of mid-afternoon. I chose to dig potatoes myself, in the morning, alone. For several consecutive mornings, I clipped my Memorex personal cassette player to my waist and listened to Tidal play through the headphones. I was careful not to push the shovel too near the plant, keeping the number of accidentally injured potatoes to a minimum. After the initial plunge into the earth, I pushed down on the shovel's handle slightly, then plunged again, then lifted it all out of the ground. Grasping the stem with one hand, I shook it to remove the large clumps of dirt still attached. The individual potatoes were then plucked from the roots, brushed briefly by hand, and tossed into a cardboard box. When I was young, separate bushel baskets were used for small, medium, and large sized potatoes. Working alone, by my own rules, every potato met the same fate, red or white, big or small.

*Sullen Girl*
Shawn and I were roommates for our first semester of college. His CD player loaded from the top, and we had to place a book over the lid to keep it shut. Sometimes, we listened to soft music as we fell asleep (I had the bottom bunk). When we'd choose Fiona, we had to program the CD player to only play the soothing songs. As a result, "Sullen Girl" would play first.

*Shadowboxer*
Shawn's high school girlfriend Lori loved this song. I think.

*Criminal*
Any connection I had to "Criminal" was immediately and forever replaced when I saw the video on MTV. I didn't have MTV at the time, so my first glimpse was at Brian's house one afternoon. I'll bet I haven't seen this video from start to finish more than three times in my life; from the way it's etched in my memory, it may as well be the Zapruder film.

*Never is a Promise*
One night in 1998, I tricked Anastasia into liking this song. She liked the song - she hated Fiona, and was devastated to find to two were linked. She studied in Prague years later, and I put "Never is a Promise" on her bon voyage CD. In a letter home, she admitted to skipping over the "Fiona Crapple" song.