Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Boobs, From The Elk To The Ganges

Maybe it's for the best this blog is about to turn into a LOLcat website, because Tornado Slide currently appears among the top results for:

River Tittys
Missouri Boobs
Gyrating Breasts

Note that final phrase was from Google India. They love their gyrating breasts over there. They actually believe that cows were gyrating breasts in a previous life. True story.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Purrfect Situation

The lease is up. It's official.

(I have a clear memory of listening to that song on my imitation-brand Walkman, during the morning bus ride, as we rode toward the Woodard's house.)

With this arrangement comes a pet cat, Doby. With the exception of his 10-foot fall from the loft, it has been a smooth transition for him. He is now equally at home on the floor

on the ottoman

and on the couch.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Criticisms And Witticisms

Well, Floyd and I did it again, this time discussing The Hangover. Go read it, you movie lovers!

* * *

And while I'm recycling material, here's a brief exchange shared among friends after viewing this book summary:
...a lab experiment goes terribly wrong. After Deanna agrees to help a friend with a time travel project, she winds up in the desert.

Bewildered, she makes her way to a boomtown that looks eerily like a movie set. As Deanna tries to figure out what happened and exactly where she is, she discovers that somehow she’s been transported to Tombstone, Arizona Territory, and the year is 1881.

Deanna becomes acquainted with the most famous names of the day: Wyatt Earp, Doc Holliday and the Clanton Brothers. Tombstone was at the heart of a quickly growing territory that had more criminals than law and order. The cemetery at Boot Hill became a popular resting spot, and on October 26 of that year, the most famous fight in the West took place, the gunfight at the O.K. Corral.

Nothing Deanna had ever heard about Tombstone could have prepared her for life in the Wild West, but she finds comfort in the arms of Wyatt Earp’s younger brother, Morgan.
dn: It’s hard to pick a favorite sentence out of that summary...

Serpentine: Wow. It's all pretty great, and I didn't quite know what to make of it. But then I found comfort in the arms of Wyatt Earp's younger brother, Morgan.

Floyd: So it's basically Tombstone fan fiction? I could get into that (even though that movie is terrible). In fact, I think we should all write our own Tombstone fan fiction short stories.

dn: It’s hard to tell if it’s Tombstone fan fiction or a Back to the Future Part 3 reboot.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Trek Two

Even more of our blathering about the Star Trek reboot has been posted on Floyd For Thought. This time, BAG of the semi-annual Fountain Shots blog chimes in.

I can't type anything more, because I'm watching Ghostbusters II for the first time since I saw it in a theater in 1989. I think I liked it more back then. I know I liked the soundtrack A LOT more back then. When the credits rolled, and Bobby Brown's "On Our Own" serenaded the exiting crowd, I turned to my brother and said, "This song is going to make it to #1!" It peaked at number one on the U.S. Billboard R&B chart and number two on the Billboard Hot 100 pop chart.


Tuesday, June 16, 2009

One-Sided Conversation

As I'm sure you remember from my July 2005 note, after maternity leave is up, mothers are welcome to bring their infants in until he or she is 6 months old.

This is usually not a big deal. The infant sleeps a lot and cries occasionally. But bigger problems can surface.

The following is what I could hear clearly coming through an open office door from 11:15 to 11:45 today -- additional inaudible phrases are not included.

Hello there, [redacted]! Hi there!
Is that the giraffe? Is that the giraffe you see?
You're doing a good job! Yeah, you're doing a good job!
Get the monkey! Get him! Get him! Get him! Good job!
Great job, [redacted]! Great job!
Good job, kiddo!
Oh, you're okay! You're okay!
Did you pee your diaper? Your diaper is clean!
Do you want the monkey? Get that monkey!
Do you need a break? Do you need a break from the jungle gym?
Doo doo doo! Dah dah dah!
You're going to poo as soon as I change this one.
That's funny! I know!
Oh, oh, oh, you're okay! Hi! You're okay!
What is that? What do you think?
(unintelligible song or video plays)
Ohhhh! Ohhhh!
What are you doing? What are you doing?
Mmm hmm. Yeah. Yeah.
I know. Do you got a booger?
Yeah? Ooohhoohh.
Yeah? And then what?
You're going to get it! You're going to get the puppy!
Monkey monkey monkey!
Is that good?
Get the monkey? Get the monkey?
Monkey monkey monkey?
Monkey monkey monkey?
Monkey monkey monkey?
Monkey monkey monkey?
Monkey monkey monkey?
Monkey monkey monkey?
There you go!
Want to try this way?
What? I am right here! I'm right here, ready to help you!
What? I'm right here!
Yeah! You're okay! You're okay, kiddo! I know.
What are you doing? Ohhh, you're okay! You're okay! You're okay!
Well, yeah! You are just all about making noises today, huh?
Are you all about making noises today?
Yeah? Ready? Yeah?
Oh, you're okay! You're okay!
What are you doing, kid?
Really?! And then what did you do?

Sunday, June 14, 2009


My hotel room wasn't ready when I arrived Saturday. I had two options. I could leave a few things with the bellhop and get ready to ride to Niagara Falls with a few other conference attendees I met in the airport shuttle. Or, I could walk around downtown Buffalo by myself and try to find a delicious sandwich. I spent the afternoon of my 30th birthday doing the latter. If you know me, you're probably not all that surprised.

One of the first things I saw on my walk was this dilapidated stadium.

And I thought, "JESUS CHRIST, Buffalo." I knew these old Great Lakes cities have had a tough time in the past few decades, but was it this bad? (I found out that night, watching the 11:00 news alone in my hotel room on my 30th birthday after watching "The Hangover" in a nearly empty theater alone on my 30th birthday, that the old hockey auditorium was torn down that very morning. So downtown Buffalo wasn't in such dire straits. Kinda.)

On other times on the walk, I was just plain confused. Buffalo Bills kicker Steve Christie on the side of a building? Endorsing Artvoice? Is this meant to attract the average football fan to Artvoice, or to suggest a a favorite player for Artvoice readers?

Downtown Buffalo has got some amazing buildings. City Hall is off the chain Art Deco, and if you go in the lobby to look at the murals some mustachioed dude on his way to the john will ask you where you're from, and give you a brief history of Buffalo.
The nearby government buildings are adorned with detailed art. Bison are a favorite subject, including sizeable bison dong.

There are many architecturally significant buildings. This is not one of them, but I didn't have a walking tour map yet. Still, pretty good stuff.

I had almost circled back to the hotel when I reached Lafayette Square. I love war monuments and statues, so I enjoyed examining this installation, until I walked around to the other side and nearly stepped on a sleeping homeless man.

And that's downtown Buffalo for you. For every stellar example of their historical past...

...there's a block or ten of empty sadness surrounding it.

The next morning, I had a few hours to kill before my meeting started. With downtown checked off my to-do list, and Niagara too far away, I took the train up to Delaware Park, where President McKinley got shot. Because President McKinley got shot there. To get to the park, I had to walk through Forest Lawn cemetery, where locals bury their elk.

Mock my itinerary all you like, but if I had not walked around a cemetery on my morning off, I'd have never seen the tomb of A.J. Myer, or learned that he existed, and that he founded the National Weather Bureau, and some sort of flag language that isn't semaphore.

That was basically it. That's Buffalo, guys.

A few more photos at my Flickr page.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Erie Headlines

A woman at yesterday's meeting was sitting at the table in front of me, paying no attention to the speakers, loudly reading the Buffalo paper. I saw two terrifying headlines:

Why are So Many Women Being Killed in NW New York?
(This was the approximate title on the printed version - the web story is different.)

When Moms Blog, Retailers Listen

Anyway, that's just a glimpse of the experience thus far. Head to Floyd's blog for our lenthy discussion of the Star Trek reboot.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Not A Smart Cookie

I'm off to Buffalo (The Queen City!) on Saturday to celebrate my 30th birthday in style for work. I'll return to the internet on Wednesday or so. I guess.

While I'm out, reacquaint yourself with this ad THAT KIM HAD NEVER HEARD OF! She didn't know that these rogue cowboys murdered Cookie!

I mean, "Get a rope" equals an old fashioned hangin', right? Or am I to believe these picante-obsessed frontiersmen just wanted to tie him up or drag him behind a horse?