Enjoy Wheat Every Day

One excuse for not blogging is creating and hosting a presentation on wheat farming. You can see the all slides! Not that they make much sense without my narration, but there are some fun videos of farm accidents, and some swear words to spice things up.

Oh, and I guess I should point out that the first two title slides are JOKE title slides. Just some jokes! Relax!

Read What I Read

The next day, Eunice and I took the Long Island Rail Road to Westbury, Long Island, to meet the Abramovs. The love I felt for her on that train ride had a capital and provinces, parishes and a Vatican, an orange planet and many sullen moons --- it was systemic and it was complete.
 
--- Gary Shteyngart, Super Sad True Love Story

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Since A Hologram for the King was a new release, the library insisted I return it within 2 weeks instead of the normal 4. I hate having such deadlines for reading, but Dave Eggers is always a fast read for me, and I happened to finish it within 2 days, and I returned it to the library this morning since I had a dental appointment. Getting that novel back on the shelf in such a quick turnaround is practically charity work, and when the time comes to remember me at the funeral wake or in the New York Times obituary, this fine deed should be told as an example of my selflessness.

Internet Browsing Club - July 2012

Our pal Adrienne recommends the 2009 New Yorker profile of Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio, who is still in the news from AZ's immigration law.
 
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Our pal Bobbo recommends this interview with Hemingway from the Paris Review.
 
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Our pal Nick recommends this profile of hot dog eating outcast Kobayashi.


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Uhh Yeah Dude mentioned this article about why people think they have something they saw on WebMD

The way gamblers say they have a “hot hand,” she says, cyberchondriacs believe they have “hot symptoms”: if they hit the first two in a list, they believe they must have the third one as well.

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After an NPR intern wrote she’s only paid for 15 albums in her life, despite an iTunes library of 11,000 songs, David Lowrey of “Cracker” wrote a lengthy, compelling response discussing why a generation that pays for fair trade coffee won’t pay artists for their work.


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Two articles from CDC’s Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report are interesting. First, take care when cleaning your grill.

A man aged 50 years arrived at the ED with abdominal pain that had begun after eating steak at a backyard barbeque. Computed tomography (CT) scan of the abdomen and pelvis revealed a linear object extending through the wall of a loop of small intestine into the omentum (Figure). Laparotomy was performed to remove the foreign body, which appeared to be a wire bristle from a grill-cleaning brush. The patient fully recovered and was discharged the next day.Five more patients visited the ED during August 2011–June 2012 after inadvertent ingestion of a wire bristle that had become dislodged from a grill-cleaning brush and embedded in food. In all of the cases, the bristles were initially identified by radiographs of the neck or CT scans of the abdomen and pelvis, and their origin was confirmed after removal (Table). Patient interviews revealed a common history of recent ingestion of grilled meat. After definitive treatment, all six patients recovered fully.

Second, motorcycle helmets are really good:

In 2010, motorcycle crashes made up 14% of all road traffic deaths, yet motorcycles accounted for <1% of all vehicle miles traveled. Helmet use prevents an estimated 37% of fatalities among motorcycle operators and 41% of fatalities among passengers. Compared with motorcyclists in states with a universal helmet law during 2008–2010, fatally injured motorcyclists in states with a partial helmet law were more than five times as likely not to have been wearing a helmet, and fatally injured motorcyclists in states with no helmet law were more than six times as likely not to have been wearing a helmet. Economic costs saved in states with a universal helmet law were, on average, $725 per registered motorcycle, nearly four times greater than in states without such a law ($198). Although approximately $3 billion in economic costs were saved as a result of helmet use in the United States in 2010, another $1.4 billion could have been saved if all motorcyclists had worn helmets.

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Reddit’s Ask Me Anything features can be great. A tobacco marketer did one, and a commenter chimed in with some stories about his time working at Marlboro during the beginning of the Marlboro Miles program, where smokers could collect prizes through proofs of purchase:

The first year of the program, Marlboro substantially underestimated customer response. They also didn't expect customers to team up for the bigger stuff. For example, whole bars full of customers would team up to get the pool table for their favorite bar - Marlboro was suddenly on the hook to buy way more pool tables than expected, and they had us calling everyone who had ordered a pool table to see if we could talk them into accepting something cheaper. (Nobody did.) But the worst was the kayaks: Marlboro found that they had enough orders that they basically were committed to giving away the entire world's output of kayaks for the next three years. We advised them to buy a kayak manufacturer, I don't know what ever became of that. Anyway that's why the big ticket items suddenly required massively more proofs of purchase the second year. They also changed the name of the program both in advertising and on the proofs of purchase to ensure no further orders could come in for the original stuff, and this made customers REALLY angry when they found out they couldn't mix old and new proofs of purchase. We had quite a few smokers freak out at us about that on the phone.

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K-State was just the second university in the nation to offer a bachelor of technical science degree with an emphasis in unmanned aircraft systems (AKA “drones”).

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Mark Titus is one of the few Grantland staff I always read. He’s from Indiana, and wrote about the Indy 500 experience:

Yes, I've been to the Kentucky Derby. And while I agree that it's also a kickass time, there's nothing the Derby has that the 500 doesn't except for goofy hats, less than half as many people, and a stupid rule that doesn't allow me to bring my own alcohol into the track.

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Bob Powers continues to write very funny, very short stories. “Your high school got together and named you boyfriend of the year” is my latest favorite.

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Chuck Klosterman attended a Creed/Nickelback doubleheader.

 
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Joe Posnanski wrote yet another good piece on how bad the KC Royals suck at baseball:

Royals, games behind at All-Star break:

2012: 7.5 games back
2011: 10.5
2010: 10.5
2009: 11.5
2008: 11.5
2007: 15
2006: 27.5
2005: 27.5
2004: 16
2003: UP 7 games!
2002: 15 games back
2001: 21
2000: 15
1999: 21
1998: 12.5
1997: 9
1996: 14.5
1995: 12

Look at that chart. That might be the most depressing thing I’ve seen in a long time. It isn’t just that the Royals have been terrible year after year since the strike. It is that they have been out of contention every single year by the All-Star break -- this in a division that has not always been particularly strong. Not counting that crazy 2003 season, they have trailed by double-digit games every year except 1997 and, perhaps, this year. Perhaps. At this point, if you are a Royals fan you are not even asking for a meaningful September. A meaningful July would do.

You Can Cram It With Walnuts, Ugly

Why don't you update YOUR blog?

Great Hospitality

I know you’d prefer I wait until December to review the entire year in music, but I’m throwing caution to the wind and alerting you of something I like RIGHT NOW. And since Brooklyn resident Alipete likes it, too, I asked her to share her comments. Three weeks later, she did! We did a track-by-track review of Hospitality’s self-titled debut album, giving each song a score out of 10 (so the final grade will be out of 100).

1. Eighth Avenue

Da’s, Na’s, or Ooh’s? Yes: “Ooooooooh ooh ooh ooohooohooohooo”
Reference to New York? Yes: see song title

10/10
This may encapsulate the album (and the band?) as a whole. It’s got some twee aspects: twinkling keyboards, dreamy vocals you can’t always understand but assume vaguely involve New York City.  But it’s also got some surprisingly aggressive musical moments – pre-chorus drummming that makes me bang my steering wheel in agreement, and a chaotic electric bridge and outro. Plus she uses the word “maudlin” in the chorus so you assume the band is smart, and you congratulate yourself for listening to smart music.

9/10
I agree that this song encapsulates the band/album as a whole, though for the first 10 seconds, I feel like I'm listening to Belle and Sebastian. To me, her enunciation is particularly bad on this track. I hear a bunch of mumbled words punctuated by "oooooo"s. But it works! I do really love the line "Young and maudlin, you were alright till the end of the night." Maybe because they're the only words I can discern, maybe because "maudlin" is such a great word, maybe because I can super relate to the thought. Either way, it's a good chorus and a great start to the album.

2. Friends of Friends

Da’s, Na’s, or Ooh’s? No.
Reference to New York? Yes: “old New York”, “14th Street”, “New Amsterdam”

8/10
The simple rhythm reminds me of Vampire Weekend’s “Oxford Comma”, plus I’m a sucker for any brass instruments used in songs not performed by Bruno Mars. I also think the bridge of this song is musically interesting, beginning predictably and becoming complex.

10/10
This song is instant joy. The lyrics are almost comically simple, but it doesn't really matter. (And I don't understand the line "I'd rather be home. My president's there." Patriotism?) But the drums are great. And what's the brass? A sax? An oboe-sax? I like it. Also, I can't separate the song from the video, so it makes me think of Maeby Funke eating hot dogs in New York, which is great. The album, especially these first two songs, seems like it could be the soundtrack to my New York life if I did cooler things.

3. Betty Wang

Da’s, Na’s, or Ooh’s? Yes: “Dah da da da dah dah”
Reference to New York? Yes: “Edison Hotel”, “If you leave New York”

6/10
You think she’s singing “Sous chef” but she’s singing “Su Chia”, the Chinese name of Betty Wang, a woman that was her co-worker. Or so the internet tells me. Pleasant but a little too simple.

6/10
I thought she was singing "sous chef" too! I agree with your assessment that it is pleasant, but too simple. Doesn't stick with me, though I like how she sings "You don't laugh at my jokes. I appreciate your time." In my mind, Betty Wang looks a lot like Knives Chau from "Scott Pilgrim."

4. Julie

Da’s, Na’s, or Ooh’s? Yes: “Dah da da da dah dah”, like in Betty Wang, but slower
Reference to New York? No

9/10
This is probably the quietest song on the album, where her voice is most showcased, and I still can’t quite tell what every fourth word is. So like the rest of the record, I can’t really tell what it’s about, but it’s pleasant on my ear holes.

6/10
I'm surprised you gave this one such high marks. I kept waiting for this to break open into something really sweeping and anthemic, but I was left disappointed. Pretty, but underwhelming.

5. The Right Profession

Da’s, Na’s, or Ooh’s? No
Reference to New York? No

6/10
I’d again compare this tempo to Vampire Weekend. Not a great tune, but not bad, and at under 2 minutes it’s not worth complaints or praise.

7/10
Kind of forgettable, but a good pick-me-up after downer "Julie." Fun, poppy, summery, and all over the place musically. They pack in a lot of different sounds in less than two minutes, though I'm still struggling to hear the Vampire Weekend comparison here. Anyway, I like the somehow-kind-of-British-sounding singalong on "I don't want to tell you more."

6. Sleepover

Da’s, Na’s, or Ooh’s? No
Reference to New York? No

7/10
It’s a laid-back, shiny groove. Reminds me a little of the xx’s music? Again, lyrics I can’t really hear or comprehend, but I assume it is about a children’s sleepover. Does she say “raisin-colored eyes”? I can’t imagine anyone accepting that as a compliment, no matter how accurate the description may be.

7/10
I feel like there is something slightly (ever so slightly) Pavementy in this song. Is that way off-base? I think it might be, but I keep thinking it. I don't know. The sound is kind of sleepy (get it?) and comforting. Reading the lyrics, I think this is more of a "grown-up" sleepover than a children's sleepover. She is totally digging those raisin-colored eyes. Which I think is kind of an awesome description even though I hate raisins.

7. The Birthday

Da’s, Na’s, or Ooh’s? Yes: “Na na nah na na na nah na na na na na na”
Reference to New York? No

9/10
This is great but I couldn’t say why. It’s simple. It’s got a cool, driving beat. It’s got a bass and some drums and some jangly guitar, and keyboards on the chorus, and some brass at the end. That’s definitely what’s got. It’s real good.

9/10
I'm a big fan of this one as well. It makes me think of a spy movie. Not the lyrics; I have no idea what she's saying for the most part. (I just looked up the lyrics. Check them out! "The ruins of Rome in your armchair... Filling up your pores and your wars and your basket" What is going on here?? ) Anyhow, something about it sounds kind of espionagey, and I like it. Also, all the nah nah nahs! Fill a chorus with "nah nah nah" and I will love your song. True.

8. Argonauts

Da’s, Na’s, or Ooh’s? Yes: “Da da da da da da da da da”
Reference to New York? Yes: “Ellis Island”, “Miss Liberty”

9/10
The best thing I can say about this song is that it was stuck in my head for 48 hours and I still like it. Again, I can interpret bits of what she’s saying, but the lyrics as a whole are puzzling. “Don’t forget the bow?” Like the bow of the ship that’s taking you to the Statue of Liberty?

8/10
I like how she sings this one. It's kind of sleepy and dreamy, but she hits certain words in a great, clipped way.   Like on "Julie," I thought this would become something big. When she's repeating "don't forget the bell" (not "bow"! ... I think) I wanted it to keep growing, and it somehow got quieter. And I feel like this one should close the album. I also wonder what her deal is with the Statue of Liberty. You're in a New York band. We get it.

9. Liberal Arts

Da’s, Na’s, or Ooh’s? Yes: “Da da da da da da da da da da da da da”
Reference to New York? Sorta: “Garden City”, on Long Island

4/10
Reviews of the album seem obligated to mention these lyrics, about a hyper-educated literature major who “found your joy on Saturdays / Friends and film and ___ your girlfriend”. But the perv critics don’t mention how “You traded all your time for money” doesn’t make sense for that guy. Wouldn’t that apply to some alpha capitalist businessman?

7.5/10
Simple and pleasant overall. I immediately liked this one because of the line "no trust fund, no daddy doctor." But you're right about that "trading time" line. Maybe it's like "trading time for money" working lame part-time jobs to pay for your education since you're not a trust-fund kid having money handed to you by your parents? That is my leading theory that I just made up. The "da da da"s and "do do do"s are great.

10. All Day Today

Da’s, Na’s, or Ooh’s? No
Reference to New York? No

10/10
Here, they put it all together again. Great horns, great rhythm, a sing-along chorus, some interesting electric guitar rocking. Love it.

10/10
Yes, this chorus was exactly what I was looking for. Finally! Also, I'm interested to hear what you think of the lyrics. It's a fun, happy-sounding song, but I can't decide if it is indeed happy. "All day today I met you" is lovely and sweet. But then it reaches "All day today I left you"... Is she in love or is she mourning something lost? Am I dancing to a song of pain? And what's with the little lambs?? AM I OVERTHINKING? Whatevs. The lyrics don't really matter. Just dance. (Lady Gaga)


Final Score
dn: 78/100
a: 79.5/100

As the numbers show, this album merits a “strong buy” recommendation from us both. Alternatively, you’d be wise to cherry pick the strongest songs to add to your collection. If you’d like to see them live, come to the Jackpot on June 8 - I plan to be there.

Internet Browsing Club - April 2012

The author of the online comic Toothpaste For Dinner has a new website, Worst Things For Sale. After reading this post, I noticed an Amazon review for the product that said “...it does come in handy while driving”. If I see someone using this thing on the highway I am gonna road rage them into a ditch.


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Rock N Roller Jack White was profiled in New York Times Magazine. “This generation is so dead,” he said at one point. “You ask a kid, ‘What are you doing this Saturday?’ and they’ll be playing video games or watching cable, instead of building model cars or airplanes or doing something creative. Kids today never say, ‘Man, I’m really into remote-controlled steamboats.’ They never say that.” Do toymakers manufacture remote-controlled steamboats? Do they run on steam?




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Ever wonder how they manufacture the basketball courts used during the NCAA championship tournament? USA Today had a feature about it. It definitely makes sense to build new courts with ugly NCAA logos and insert them in huge stadiums too big for ticket demand, where players find it harder to shoot. That’s definitely better than simply playing in arenas built for basketball, where courts already exist.


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Nick and I both read this New Yorker article that shows how unhelpful brainstorming can be. The evidence has been around for half a century, and I’m just now learning this?




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I think Bobbo passed on this article on prisons, which addresses the same general topic of that one I shared a month or two ago. A few similar thoughts, but some new ideas, as well.

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Before reading this Atlantic piece about a professional gambler’s huge blackjack run in Atlantic City, I didn’t consider this probability wrinkle: “Many casinos sell laminated charts in their guest shops that reveal the optimal strategy for any situation the game presents. But these odds are calculated by simulating millions of hands, and as Johnson says, “I will never see 400 million hands.”


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Lindsey and I read all 5 of these AV Club articles where creator Paul Feig details every episode of Freaks and Geeks. That was a good show.

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Bob Powers continues to write genius stories on an almost-daily basis. The Ice Couple Day is my recent favorite.

Hungry Hungry Kiddos

I went to see The Hunger Games last night at our city’s awful multiplex, alongside my wife, who was seeing it a second time this opening weekend. It was a decent crowd but not a full house. I regretted not spending the weekend outside the theater, offering to buy alcohol at a steep upcharge for the throngs of tweens.

I have not (will not) read the books the movie was adapted from, so the following is my uninformed opinion and commentary.

I was expecting the film to be an updated version of The Running Man; in fact, I was so appalled that my wife and her friends had read this trilogy without prior knowledge of The Running Man that I forced them to screen the Netflix-sent Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle several months back. They lost interest a third of the way through and read magazines to pass the time until the credits -- your loss, ladies! Perhaps it lost their attention because it was silly, but it was also simple: In a dystopic American future, the government is corrupt, hands set-up prisoners over to the ratings-obsessed media, and the unwilling participants are forced to fight for their lives. Say what you will about the campiness of The Running Man, but I believe that film made more sense; it was easier to follow the motivations of the heroes and the villains, aside from the sexual orientation of Dynamo.

In The Hunger Games, I could tell that the director struggled to fit an entire novel into one movie. The main problem this created was my general confusion about this dystopic American future. There are 12 districts that are kept poor (and hungry!) and suppressed by a dictator, who lives in the only metropolitan area? A privileged upper class also lives in the only city? And the districts are kept in line through military force, because there was once an uprising, and as a punishment for that uprising there is a lottery every year -- “The Reaping” selects a boy and girl, ages 12-18, from each district to send to a televised deathmatch set inside The Truman Show’s production bubble.

I sort of understand the government, but not the economy. It seems most if not all of the districts are poor, but they all watch the game on television. How did they buy those televisions? Is television a private enterprise, supported by ad revenue? If so, who is buying ad space? Is there capitalism? Because it seems the only significant commerce taking place is within the only city in the nation. If the government controls the media, do they only show propaganda films during the rest of the year that the game is not taking place? Is that why the poor people have TV’s? Because the government wants everyone to watch their stuff? I’m left to guess, and my best guess is there is only one channel, and the evil government runs it.

If that’s the case, I am further confounded by how the game is created and controlled. The chosen children are giving a day or two to learn survival and weapon skills, rated by scouts for some reason, then inserted into an artificial wilderness, controlled by government/network henchmen like Ed Harris in The Truman Show. When one kid moves too far away from the others, they push them towards each other by creating a forest fire. When no one has died for a while, they insert huge attack dogs to hasten deaths.

What’s up with that? What’s the deal with this game? Do the overlords want a long, drawn-out, Survivor-like season of players fighting the elements and each other, or do they want a short, bloody battle? I can’t imagine them wanting to quickly burn off this ratings bonanza so they can get back to showing dystopic episodes of Law & Order or whatever. Plus the size of the area -- it’s no cage match, after all -- leads me to think they want a good, long game. Choosing tiny kids to compete against big kids, placing them all at the same starting point, and then constantly inserting deadly Deus Ex Machina obstacles is counterintuitive.

In addition to the confusion caused by compressing the novel into 2.5 hours of film, the distillation made it difficult to care about the young characters. I know I’m automatically supposed to be concerned when a child is slaughtered, but it turns out I am not. Almost all of the children placed in the game had a tiny amount of screen time, and died well before I could become properly attached to them. It didn’t help that the director edited the battle with shaky-camera, Paul- Greengrass-doing-Bourne-style jump cuts. C’mon, man! Let me get up close and personal with them kids, then watch them die slowly and clearly!

My final complaint is that Lenny Kravitz pops up out of nowhere in this thing, and that surprised me so much I nearly laughed out loud. Overall, I’d say the movie was fine, but could have had better exposition. I don’t know why the producers felt the need to cram so much into one quite long film, rather than divide up what is clearly a cash cow over several installments, a la Kill Bill or the final Harry Potter book/movies.