Not Quite Bartlett's (the book, not the pear)

I trust we all love Yahoo! News. One of my favorite features is "Notable Quotes", which is usually under the "Oddly Enough" section. They're never notable. They're usually not even odd. And they always begin with the line, "They really said it-" like I'm going to FREAK OUT when I see the quote. Then it's lameville. For example:

"She seems like she's always seemed. This is one of the hardest-working women you're ever going to meet. She doesn't mind working and doing prison stuff, like regular chores."

--"Survivor" producer MARK BURNETT after visiting MARTHA STEWART in prison, quoted in the New York Daily News.

Better quote:

"Hi, We're the St. Louis Cardinals. We thought we'd make it to the World Series, then play like an old lady's wig that was once used as part of a poodle's Halloween costume then wound up under six hundred pounds of runny, spoilt cole slaw at the city dump."

--Jeff Johnson's website (see link at right)

Quote that an old pal (and fellow Lisa Loeb aficionado) would put on her website if she had one:

"My teacher asked us to describe what chaos meant. I said "my life"...he meant as it referred to dynamic mathematical systems. He should have been more specific."

--Sarah C.