Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Parking Lot Girl

I was upgraded from the far lot to the near lot in the spring, reducing my already low daily exercise output by 50%. The promotion also signaled the end of the Parking Lot Girl era.

I was intrigued by Parking Lot Girl because I might have been attracted to her. I say "might" because I never really got a good look at her. I would see the red Subaru Forester every day, but I would rarely see its driver. When we did cross paths, she was obscured by heavy winter coats or oversized sunglasses.

It became a little spying mission that I assigned myself to spark the workday: how was I going to figure out what she really looked like? And if I she was attractive without her accessories, what the hell could I do about it? Was I really going to approach a woman in a mostly-empty parking lot? What do you say to a woman in a parking lot? "Hey there. Now, I know that men that usually approach women like this are trying stuff them into their trunk before stealing their car, but I'm different! I saw your Douglas County plates and that impeccably clean interior and I thought, 'This is a lady that I'd like to get to know!' What do you say we hit the 'Bees and grab some chicken fingers?"

So nothing happened. Fast forward to last week, where I see her walking toward the near lot. She's finally been upgraded, and she's parked directly next to me -- but she's still wearing those huge goddamn glasses, so her attractiveness has yet to be verified.

Places you can't hit on a woman (because she will fear for her life):

NOTE: To qualify, each setting must be inappropriate despite the time of day and the size of the city. For example, picking up a woman at an urban gas station is possible during the day, but not at night; pressing the issue at any time of day at a rural gas station is not feasible. All settings are considered sparsely populated.
  • Alley
  • Parking lot / Parking garage
  • Motel hallway
  • From a front porch (as she walks by on the sidewalk)
  • Cemetery
  • Dock / Pier
  • Hiking trail
  • Cornfield


Dougal said...


* Public toilet (the first question would be "Which one of us got it wrong...?")


... that's it.

My creativity fails me this early in the morning.

Jenny said...

-Outside a prison
-Lingerie department

dn said...

Nice additions so far, gang.

Similar to the prison scenario, let's not bother listing STD clinic, insane asylum, etc., etc.

Anonymous said...

The VA.


Dougal said...

Outside the butchers, covered in blood, with a meat cleaver in your hand whilst muttering about "the voices" under your breath...

Floyd said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Floyd said...

I tried to post this earlier, but for some reason it wouldn't post. I'll try again:

- Elementary school playground

- Women's restroom

- Outside her place, if you're on the phone and she doesn't know you're outside...yet