Did your aunt heap praise on "Sarah Palin's Alaska"? Did you see a Goldline pamphlet next to your father's recliner? Did New England running back Benjarvus Green-Ellis' name and/or race inspire lamentable comments from Gramps?
Communicate your "favorite" holiday moments in the comments.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Card Me
I don't know anyone who has ever run out of their initial supply of business cards. I assume it takes a special kind of douche to force them upon strangers so frequently that you'd need to reload.
One inconsequential line of my signature block changed a few weeks ago, so new business cards were printed for everyone in the area. I looked at the box of my old cards, and considered the staggering amount of similar paper waste that goes on every day in businesses across the globe, and I wondered how these old cards could be meaningfully re-purposed.
As a youth, I'd build multi-story complexes from playing cards, and then shoot rubber bands at them until they crumbled. (It's hard to say why I chose to do this; either we didn't have Nintendo yet, or my sibling was playing a marathon Dragon Warrior session.)
I knew just one well-placed rubber band would collapse this structure, so I instead chose to see how long it would survive on my desk.
A few hours later, a young woman walked into the cube and intentionally fanned her notebook toward the pyramid.
HER: "I didn't think it would fall down!"
ME: "It's a HOUSE of CARDS!"
HER: "I thought you taped them together."
One inconsequential line of my signature block changed a few weeks ago, so new business cards were printed for everyone in the area. I looked at the box of my old cards, and considered the staggering amount of similar paper waste that goes on every day in businesses across the globe, and I wondered how these old cards could be meaningfully re-purposed.
As a youth, I'd build multi-story complexes from playing cards, and then shoot rubber bands at them until they crumbled. (It's hard to say why I chose to do this; either we didn't have Nintendo yet, or my sibling was playing a marathon Dragon Warrior session.)
I knew just one well-placed rubber band would collapse this structure, so I instead chose to see how long it would survive on my desk.
A few hours later, a young woman walked into the cube and intentionally fanned her notebook toward the pyramid.
HER: "I didn't think it would fall down!"
ME: "It's a HOUSE of CARDS!"
HER: "I thought you taped them together."
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Orange You Glad I Didn't Say Banana
Today someone cleaned their cubicle with a Corporate Express (Staples) aerosol cleaning spray. It initally smelled like oranges, and gradually the olfactory cloud spoiled.
What I'm trying to say is: it literally smelled like vomit at work today.
* * *
Worse guy in the adjacent bathroom stall: sighing loudly, or talking on his phone?
What I'm trying to say is: it literally smelled like vomit at work today.
* * *
Worse guy in the adjacent bathroom stall: sighing loudly, or talking on his phone?
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
Are You Cereal?
Since I never shut up about it, I'm sure you all know that I love Cracklin' Oat Bran more than any other cereal. Many weeks ago, HyVee slashed the cost of this pricey yet delicious breakfast; a box could be had for TWO DOLLARS! Since I never shut up about it, I'm sure you know that represents more than half the usual retail price.
I purchased six boxes. As I'm sure you all know, I have breezed through that stockpile; I'll finish the final box on Friday or Monday. Then it's back to the eternal struggle: buy more COB at the top shelf price, or slum it with store-brand mini-wheats or honey-oat-bunches? Since I never shut up about it, I'm sure you all know that I hate to spend more than two dollars on a box of cereal.
I eat a bowl of cereal almost every single weekday morning.
I purchased six boxes. As I'm sure you all know, I have breezed through that stockpile; I'll finish the final box on Friday or Monday. Then it's back to the eternal struggle: buy more COB at the top shelf price, or slum it with store-brand mini-wheats or honey-oat-bunches? Since I never shut up about it, I'm sure you all know that I hate to spend more than two dollars on a box of cereal.
I eat a bowl of cereal almost every single weekday morning.
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Bleh Market
I saw these bull/bear cufflinks at Nordstrom yesterday:
They're perfect for the asshole on your Christmas shopping list. Only $150! Buy them now! 47 shopping days left!
They're perfect for the asshole on your Christmas shopping list. Only $150! Buy them now! 47 shopping days left!
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
Tea Party Time
Matt: Is Kentucky serious? Rand Paul?
dn: Hard to believe Kentucky would make a bad decision.
Matt: I guess I didn't take the Tea Party seriously. I kinda thought they were joking.
dn: Hard to believe Kentucky would make a bad decision.
Matt: I guess I didn't take the Tea Party seriously. I kinda thought they were joking.
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