Thursday, August 29, 2013

Whiny Willie

Ol' Willie Nelson popped up on my shuffled playlist the other day.

Since then, I've listened to a podcast featuring Okkervil River's Will Sheff, and he made a good argument against the shuffle function. He thinks it kind of messes with your brain and causes you to skip over songs you actually like, but aren't prepared for? Kind of? And I may decide to go back to shuffling among all artists in the future, but for now it's been nice to stick within a genre for extended listens.

So, Willie Nelson. "The Last Thing I Needed First Thing This Morning".

Wikipedia tells us that he didn't write this song, so I will aim my complaints away from Mr. Nelson and toward Gary P. Nunn and Donna Farar.

That first verse, you guys. It's a list of bad things that happened the first thing this morning.

1. A past due bill notice was received. Well, that's on you, bro! You gotta pay them bills! The chain of events that led to this started long ago; don't get bent out of shape because the postman happened to deliver it today! And frankly, you should be pretty amazed that you get your mail the first thing in the morning.

2. The alarm clock rang two hours late. That thing is a machine, and it will ring when you tell it to. Let's not blame an inanimate object for doing its job.

3. The garbageman left trash on sidewalk. Okay, okay - this one seems pretty legitimate! Nobody would like that. Do your job, municipal worker! I bet the garbage truck was really loud, too.

4. The hinges fell off the front gate. They just fell off? Was there a strong breeze? Did that jerk garbageman tear it off? This one's probably not your fault. I'm guessing a guy with a past due bill notice is renting his home. You'll have to call the landlord - it's a small pain, but at least you don't have to fix it!

5. Spilled all the coffee. Hey, it's the morning, you're clumsier than usual - we've all been there. Spilling ALL of the coffee seems out of the ordinary. I mean, if you've got a drip coffee maker, you'd have to turn the glass carafe all the way over to accomplish that. How the heck did the entire pot spill?

6. Hit my knee when I opened the door. Jesus, man, you are a Grade A klutz! Poor little country singer got a boo boo?

7. "The last thing I needed the first thing this morning was to have you walk out on me." Here's a guess: maybe she thought you were a whiny pussy who couldn't support her financially and who blamed the world for his "problems"?

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