Tuesday, November 20, 2007

The Amazing Racists

For the second consecutive Thanksgiving season, Tornado slide will be the premier a destinaton for holiday-weary souls to relate embarrassing, awful situations involving their racist relatives.

My readers are few, but the competition should prove tremendous. I believe three -- THREE! -- readers will be spending part of their holiday in Oklahoma, the home of casual racism. (That should be on the OK license plate: "The Home of Casual Racism".) A previous winning story originated in Oklahoma: years back, before the blog, Jack Serpentine heard an Oklahoman's describe Donovan McNabb as "a humble Negro"... and the Oklahoman MEANT IT AS A COMPLIMENT.

Post your horrific tales in the comments. Prizes will be awarded for both direct and latent racism.

Early Favorites

[NOTE: Shawn would be higher, but I'm not sure if he will be visiting his racist grandpa.]

Jack Serpentine / V (Oklahoma) - 3:2

My Cousin Brian (Oklahoma) - 1:2

Bag / Sarah (Oklahoma) - 1:3

Shawn (Grandpa) - 1:5

Corinne (Bumper-sticker-conservative father) - 1:20

Barbara (German father) - 1:25

Heavy Underdogs

Matt (in Spain, alone) - 1:1000

Dougal (in Britain, being British) - 1:5000


Anonymous said...

Lamentably, V and I are staying in Washington for Thanksgiving. Although Saturday I'm heading to Virginia, so anything's possible. Put us back on the Board for Christmas though, as she'll be in OK and I'll be home for an entire week.


shawn said...

While I won't be visiting my grandpa this year, I will be dining with his son (my father), so don't count me out yet!

b said...

What??? I would think an Irish mother would automatically trump a German father. At least when it comes to casual racism.

Floyd said...

Unfortunately, I won't be heading to Minnesota for Thanksgiving ("Watch out for Mexicans...They have knives!"), but I'll probably be making an appearance for Christmas.

Corinne said...

The best my dad did was talk about how much Lennon smoked pot. So I think I'm out.

dn said...

The best I can offer are some complaints against underinsured patients at the hospital. The term "Hispanic" was mentioned, but it was pretty half-hearted.

Anonymous said...

Nothing really new to report here. The closest thing I've got is that my mother announced to my dad that she was no longer allowed to use the word "black" to describe people anymore because I find it offensive. She was referring to a conversation we had last week after she told me this story about some people in her condo who were doing some pretty overt drug dealing. I won't waste your time explaining the casual racism there, but I will share a little thing I learned that may be useful to someone. Don't deal in a condo full of retirees, unless maybe if you are a retiree yourself. Because someone in that building is bound to have enough time on their hands to count the number of visitors you have over the course of a few days. And if you stand out in any way (i.e. you are black in a mostly white building), someone is probably watching you. (But it won't be my mother, and for that at least, I give thanks.)

dn said...

I talked to Shawn. His grandpa did show up, and spoke some choice words that can't be repeated. Shawn cakewalks to a win in the overt racism category.

Bobby said...

I was not in Oklahoma for Thanksgiving, which pretty much topped my list of things for which I was thankful.

However, I did read a story in the KC Star leading up to the big KU/MU game that weekend about a Missouri judge who has a picture of Quantrill's raid on the wall of his office, with a brass plaque underneath that reads "Mizzou 183 - Kansas 0," ostensibly referring to the number of Kansans killed in Quantrill's raid.

So yes, Missouri has state judges who delight in the murder of Kansans by racist, slave-loving bastards. I wish I could say this surprises me, but it really doesn't.