Sunday, February 22, 2009

The Kurious Kase Of Kix

Before everyone's life went into the shitter, I had a rule about purchasing cereal. My magic price point was $2.00 -- any box that cost more than $2.00 was what I liked to call "OFF LIMITS", unless I really really wanted a box of Cracklin' Oat Bran, the world's finest petting-zoo-food-shaped cereal.

With this modest approach, I could still enjoy a wide variety of breakfast cereals. Nearly all generics were cheap, and even name brands would occasionally slip beneath $2.00 when on sale. That is, except for one heavy hitter.



Motherfucking Kix cereal. Kid tested, mother approved, always pricey. Made from an apparently magical recipe, no food scientist has been able to produce a generic Kix alternative, even though it's existed since 1937. With its stranglehold on the market, General Mills won't allow its price to dip under $3.00 per box. Unless you want to buy some new Honey Kix, at a low introductory price, which you shouldn't, because I bought it, just because Kix has been out of my budget for so long I miss it, even though it's not that great, but Honey Kix is hardly a suitable replacement, so don't bother.

General Mills, end this madness. Or I will bust you down to lieutenant so fast it'll make your head spin.

6 comments:

Molly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Molly said...

Forget Kix, man. It's all about the Banana Nut Cheerios now. Just try it and tell me it's not perfection.

dn said...

It doesn't sound appetizing, but if it gets cheap I'll give anything a shot.

Gav said...

That's what I thought about Ron Rico rum.

Anonymous said...

Hold on now, I know a generic Kix exists. It's called Silly Corn. I've only been able to find it once or twice though, which aggravates me to no end.

Anonymous said...

I agree. I love Kix and haven't been able to find a generic version or on sale since I started looking 2 years ago.