dn: when is the Vegas, Baby! shit going to be played out?
Floyd: God, no shit
dn: I mean, they’re talking about a sequel to the Hangover already
Floyd: enough. enough with Vegas
dn: it’d have to be somewhere exotic to work. So I’m guessing Dubai?
Floyd: Singapore. Thailand
dn: Thailand, yeah
Floyd: that place has no laws. except have fun and don’t talk to the sex slaves
When /Film posted the news that the sequel would indeed be set in Thailand, Floyd and I exchanged emails while simultaneously performing our jobs perfectly and without disruption:
dn: We called it
Floyd: This actually made me feel a little smarter. Let's write a screenplay. We obviously have our finger on Hollywood's pulsating boner.
dn: I wonder if they’ll bother casting the groom from the first film? That guy is really inessential. The baby had a bigger role than he did.
Floyd: I think a good opening scene would be the three guys in a cage with water up to their necks, while the groom is upstairs being forced to play Russian Roulette. BANG! He loses. Guys scream, audience laughs, splash "HANGOVER 2: STILL HUNG OVER" and start intro music, which should probably be "Sabotage" or something.
dn: They spend the rest of the movie trying to piece together how they were captured by the Vietcong, why the Vietcong still exists, and how they can convince the Vietcong to let them escape with their lives. And also, why the Vietcong are in Thailand.
Floyd: Also, prostitutes. And "Bangkok" jokes. Probably opium abuse. And I'm pretty sure the Asian guy from the first one (who is hilarious in Community, IMO) makes an appearance as the leader of the New Vietcong or something. This thing writes itself.
dn: Wow. Well, you did it. That was indeed very easy, and I would be shocked if Ken Jeong wasn’t the reason they traveled to Thailand. I guess we can flesh this out a little more. One-hit wonder “One Night in Bangkok” plays during a montage of crazy nightlife, including a live [redacted since I’m at work] show featuring [redacted] smoking cigarettes and shooting ping pong balls out of their [redacted]. They lose a lot of money betting on chicken fights, so Bradley Cooper has to enter a Muay-Thai Bloodsport-style tournament to win enough money to get back home (or to get their beloved friend out of an underwater Vietcong torture cage.
Floyd: Those ideas seem obvious as well. Good job. During the bloodsport fight, I'm pretty sure that somehow Zach G. gets hit in face in a recreation of the Mike Tyson scene. Also, Mike Tyson inexplicably reappears to save the guys and win the bloodsport fight. I'm pretty sure that Zach G.
dn: I’ve consulted Wikipedia for more plot points. I’m pretty sure this is what Hollywood does, too.
“Thailand is one of the most devoutly Buddhist countries in the world.”
They guys visit during a religious period when an old Buddhist prophet predicted the reincarnation (or whatever) of Buddha. Zach G, with is small stature and pot belly, is thought by locals to be this reincarnation. It’s a hilarious case of mistaken identity! He is treated like a God, it goes to his head, and demands outrageous things from the good people of Thailand. Instead of their superstition of cats bringing good luck, he changes it to a wolf howling at the moon, etc. Also, there is a running joke about the phallic shape of the Wat Arun temple.
“The Surin Elephant Round-up usually takes place on the third weekend of November in Surin province, Isan, Thailand. The event consists of a series of shows displaying the strength and skill of the animals, such as football games and tugs of war.”
The guys wake up to find an elephant in their hotel room.
Floyd: Well, I'm pretty sure we have at least an hour and a half scripted out. I'll go pick out matching Ferraris if you want to take this thing to Fedex so we can get started on our new careers as hotshot Hollywood writers. I call dibs on ScoJo.