Football, CPR, Lovemaking Furniture

Paul McCartney was last year's Super Bowl halftime performer. The Rolling Stones are this year's entertainment. Next year: the corpse of Buddy Holly. Thanks, Janet Jackson!

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I'm a card-carrying, certified CPR guy. (No big deal.) Anywho, should I not be around when needed, you should know that mouth-to-mouth is less important than chest compressions. It's all in the latest CPR guidelines. 2 breaths per 30 chest compressions. Sure, it will save more lives, but what of the whacky teenage coming-of-age comedies? How will a zany, ugly teen scam a prolonged kiss from the lady lifeguard?

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If you want to know the story behind this photo, you can read all about the Dream Love Chair at its English-language website. Think "Craftmatic Adjustable Bed", but sexier. Note the site points out the chair's usefulness for the overweight and the physically challenged -- not to mention the corpse of Buddy Holly!

Or, if you're feeling daring, you can watch some Japs get it on in the instructional video. [Don't even think about opening the video at work. Found via Gizmodo]

Note the lack of technique on the part of the male - you can't just put your hand there, dude! You've got to move it around! Squeeze! Release! Caress!

More Search Word Fun

Hats off to the hard-working students at St. Cloud State University.



Question: what Matt Damon film doesn't have latent homosexuality?

Holiday Hiatus

Some questions for you to ponder while I am away for T'sgiving:

If you could sing one song perfectly - if you could be the world's best performer for that particular song - what song would you choose?

If there had never been a movie called King Kong, would you even consider going to see a movie starring Naomi Watts and a giant gorilla? Just read the plot summary from IMDB - what about this makes you think it would be worth your $8+?

Set in the 1930s, this is the story of a group of explorers and documentary filmmakers who travel to the mysterious Skull Island (near Sumatra) to investigate legends of a giant gorilla named Kong. Once there, they discover that King Kong is a real creature, living in a massive jungle where creatures from prehistoric times have been protected and hidden for millions of years. As the explorers search for the great ape, their quest puts them up against both Kong and his dinosaur enemies. Ultimately, it is the attention of a beautiful human woman that soothes Kong long enough for him to be subdued by the explorers and shipped back to New York, where his bleak future involves being put on display in front of humans... but how long can even the mightiest shackles of man hold back an ape 25 feet tall?

Commune, Feel The Noise

It could work. There's no reason it couldn't. Lots of people don't have jobs.

Housewives (remember back before the Teri Hatcher resurgence when we had to call them "homemakers"?) don't have jobs. That is, they usually don't bring in much income. They do things around the house and they care for a child or two.

This could work, because I don't even have a kid. Or two. I just have me. And my peers - they only have themselves, too.

There's a lot of math involved. Sometimes, I miss math. Assigned equations to solve, little puzzles.

Letterman once interviewed someone - the (moviestar?) was once responsible for sacking groceries, as was Letterman. Letterman enjoyed the work. "Every bag is like a puzzle," he said. His guest was less enthusiastic.

So, math. Let's say there is a house full of five of us. Families of five are all over the place - the difference here is that we're all adults. But let's say the house exists, it's roomy, and we are in it. There is a mortgage. We all have enough space. Five of us. Professionals.

Five professionals, living together, utilities shared, mortgage shared.

If all five professionals were employed, the house would have significant income. I make about $40 K right now. Math says the five of us would pull in about $200K.

Here's the trick - if only four of us were employed, the house would still make $160 K, and one lucky individual could sit around in his/her boxers all day.

We'd work in shifts. You work for a year, maybe two, pay your dues, then you take a year off, you play with the house money like a teenager with an allowance. Maybe after that year (when you travel, you spend time with your dog, etc.) expires, you go back to the same job. Or maybe you spent your year off learning a new trade, and you decide that you want to take a job in that line of work. No sweat. Just get back to making some scratch so your housemate can relax.

There are some problems. By now you've noticed that this reeks of socialism/communism, and you might want to point out that such isms have a spectacular rate of failure/tragedy. Fair enough. You might also point out that that "allowance" for an adult would be much higher than for a child. Health insurance and the like. And who gets to take a year off now? Who has to wait a few more years?

These are hard questions to answer. Harder than working every day for the next 40 years? Probably not. Let me know when you want to move in together.

Tornado Slide Circa 1996

[Every day, I thank God that blogs didn't exist in my youth. I shudder to think of the things I would have published...actually, I know exactly the kind of things I would have published. Below is a typical post from my high school days.]

i fear that i am ordinary, just like everyone
to lie here and die among the sorrows
adrift among the days
for everything i ever said
and everything i've ever done is gone and dead
as all things must surely have to end
and great loves will one day have to part
i know that i am meant for this world
my life has been extraordinary
blessed and cursed and won
time heals but i'm forever broken
by and by the way...
have you ever heard the words
i'm singing in these song?
it's for the girl i've loved all along
can a taste of love be so wrong
as all things must surely have to end
and great loves will one day have to part
i know that i am meant for this world
and in my mind as i was floating
far above the clouds
some children laughed i'd fall for certain
for thinking that i'd last forever
but i knew exactly where i was
and i knew the meaning of it all
and i knew the the distance to the sun
and i knew the echo that is love
and i knew the secrets in your spires
and i knew the emptiness of youth
and i knew the solitude of heart
and i knew the murmurs of the soul
and the world is drawn into your hands
and the world is etched upon your heart
and the world so hard to understand
is world you can't live without
and i knew the silence of the world

What A Post Looks Like Before It's Edited

best food per shape

hexagonal polygon: oyster crackers
sphere: cheese balls (puffed kind or the kind you spread on crackers), chocolate orange, not gumball
cube: Jell-O shouldn't count, nor should cheese - caramels?
rectangular polygon: starburst, candy bars (uneven bars like Snickers disqualified?)
oval: not cadbury eggs
pyramid: toblerone comes close, but not quite a pyramid. ditto Hershey's Kisses.
disc: M&M beats Skittles, Spree, etc.

Catholicious

The ladies hate it when you don't come to the party.

A smattering of photos can be found on my Flickr account.

Found: a woman's black hat (66% acrylic, 18% nylon, 16% wool), one pair earrings (metal looking, spiral design)

Thanks for attending.