[I wrote/compiled this last week, during the lunch hour immediately following the breaking "news" about Mel. For various, uninteresting reasons, it was never posted. So now, without further ado, I give you outdated Mel Gibson jokes!]
Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome (1985)
Max: Thunderdome. How do I get in there?
Aunty Entity: That's easy. Pick a fight!
Max: Okay. Tell me - is there a post-apocalyptic rabbi around?
Lethal Weapon (1987)
Roger Murtaugh: I'm too old for this shit!
Martin Riggs: Oh, c'mon, man - that's Jew talk.
Lethal Weapon II (1989)
[about to pull Murtaugh off the booby-trapped toilet]
Martin Riggs: On three, what do ya say?
Roger Murtaugh: Okay.
Martin Riggs: One... two...
Roger Murtaugh: Wait, wait, wait!
Martin Riggs: What?
Roger Murtaugh: Do we do it on three? Or one, two, three, then do it?
Martin Riggs: It's your ass, Cochise!
Roger Murtaugh: My ass, yeah. On three.
Martin Riggs: We go on three?
Roger Murtaugh: Yeah.
Martin Riggs: Okay. Hey, but first, let me take a look at how this bomb is put together. I've got some friends in Palestine that would be interested. Very interested.
Braveheart (1995)
William Wallace: ...The answer to your question is yes - if you fight for me, you get to kill the English.
Stephen: Excellent!
William Wallace: Although I don't know why we're all so worked up against the Brits, when it's clear that the Jews are responsible for all the wars in this world.
Ransom (1996)
Tom Mullen: The whole world now knows... my son, Sean Mullen, was kidnapped, for ransom, three days ago. This is a recent photograph of him. Sean, if you're watching, we love you. And this... well, this is what waits for the man that took him. This is your ransom. Two million dollars in unmarked bills, just like you wanted. But this is as close as you'll ever get to it. You'll never see one dollar of this money, because no ransom will ever be paid for my son. Not one dime, not one penny. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Tom Mullen is cheap." Well, I'm not. Not like those Jews. I'm not afraid to open up the ol' wallet. Nope. Instead, I'm offering this money as a reward on your head. Dead or alive, it doesn't matter. So congratulations, you've just become a two million dollar lottery ticket... except the odds are much, much better. Do you know anyone that wouldn't turn you in for two million dollars? I don't think you do. I doubt it. Especially if you know any Jewish folk. I mean, it's all about money with those people - they worship the stuff. You've heard of a little guy named Judas Iscariot, right? So wherever you go and whatever you do, this money will be tracking you down for all time. And to ensure that it does, to keep interest alive, I'm running a full-page ad in every major newspaper every Sunday... for as long as it takes. But... and this is your last chance... you return my son, alive, uninjured, I'll withdraw the bounty. With any luck you can simply disappear. Understand... you will never see this money. Not one dollar. So you still have a chance to do the right thing. If you don't, well, then, God be with you, because nobody else on this Earth will be. Especially, as I have made clear, Jews.
Payback (1999)
Porter: [voiceover] Not many people know what their life's worth is. I do. Seventy grand. That's what they took from me. And that's what I was going to get back. I'm not going to overcharge them, like some damn Jew banker.
Signs (2002)
Graham Hess: Swing away, Merrill. Merrill... swing away...
[Merrill breaks glasses of water with his bat, killing the alien.]
Graham Hess: Oh... Nice... Good... But I meant "swing away" at that.
[Graham points to a synagogue window.]
The Passion of the Christ (2004)
Jesus: You are My friends. There is no greater love than for a man to lay down his life for his friends. I cannot be with you much longer, My friends. You cannot go where I am going. My commandment to you after I am gone is this: Love one another. As I have loved you, so love one another. Except for the Jews.
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