Sunday, June 15, 2008

Prom Theme Bloopers

Carrie Brownstein posted a list of Portland-area prom themes gleaned from The Oregonian. I'm listing some of them below, with a few of my own thoughts:

Astoria High, Astoria: "Come Away With Me" (Norah Jones song)
Southridge High, Beaverton: "Don't Want to Miss a Thing" (Aerosmith song)
Century High, Hillsboro: "Once Upon a Dream" (song from "Sleeping Beauty")
Columbia River High, Vancouver: "Time After Time" (Cyndi Lauper and Quietdrive song)

As Brownstein points out, why aren't these kids choosing more timely song titles to use for their themes? Those songs were made famous in 2002, 1997, 1959, and 1984, respectively (Although Quietdrive remade "Time After Time" in 2007).

Lake Oswego High, Lake Oswego: "Starry, Starry Night"

This could either refer to a Van Gogh painting or a Don McLean song. Either way, what the hell??

Burns High, Burns: "A Night in Vegas"

Nothing says Vegas like fake gambling after the dance.

Lakeview Senior High, Lakeview: "Mardi Gras"

Nothing says Mardi Gras like alcohol- and nudity-free, school-sponsored activities.

Catlin Gabel, Portland: "A Trip to the Stars"

I hope their gym decorations were inspired by the set design of Britney Spears' classic music video for "Oops I Did it Again", or at the very least an episode of "Astronaut Jones".

South Medford High, Medford: "A Night to Shine"


Jesuit High School, Portland: "Jurassic Prom -- 65 Million Years in the Making"

Brownstein says, "It makes it sound like the members of the Jesuit High School prom committee were some of the first humans to walk the earth. After all, they had ostensibly been planning this special night for many millennia."

Gresham High, Gresham: "Rumble in the Jungle" (They held it at the zoo)

Even if you do have prom at the zoo, are you really having a "rumble"? Fucking high school committees piss me off. Once Jack Serpentine and I were in a meeting to discuss homecoming themes, and some kid brainstormed "Clash of the Titans" because we were playing the South High Titans. Some other retarded kid decided it would be best to shorten that to "Clash the Titans". Jack and I became livid after our attempts at reason went unheard, arguing that you can't use the verb like that -- that you were essentially saying "Collide the Titans". Mob mentality won the day, and we had a stupid homecoming theme that fall instead of our favorite option, "Bye Bye South High".

My own Junior prom theme was decided after a long search. The committee had received almost no suggestions, prompting me and my high-school girlfriend to dump a pile of phrases into the suggestion box at the deadline. The only one of mine I can recall is "The Fall of Saigon". The gym would have been decorated with jungle flora, and at the end of the night, all of the attendees would have been loaded onto helicopters and flown to the after-prom activity.

My girlfriend was more helpful, utilizing a thesaurus to generate the winner, "Twilight Enchantment". Which was perfect, because we could decorate with ANYTHING for such a vague concept. Also, I broke out in hives while putting up some of the Asian-themed embellishments. Good times. The end.


Anonymous said...

Twelve years later, and I'm still puzzled as to how the English teachers didn't take our side. To make matters worse, that inane slogan was painted onto the windows of the commons for all to see. I remember walking in the morning after the paintings were done, shaking my head, and walking to my locker. Disgusted.


Floyd said...

I didn't remember the theme for homecoming that year. All I remember is clashing the hell out of the Titans.