March Madness Fantasy 2017 - The Draft

We had a draft! Whoa!

Brian had the first pick. Despite his lifelong hatred of former KU point guard Russell Robinson, he selected KU's current PG and Player of the Year, I guess, Frank Mason. He also went heavy on brick shithouse forwards.

ROUND	SELECTION	OWNER	REGION	SEED	TEAM	PLAYER
1	1	Brian	MW	1	Kansas	Frank Mason III
2	20	Brian	W	3	Florida St	Jonathan Isaac
3	21	Brian	MW	4	Purdue	Caleb Swanigan
4	40	Brian	E	2	Duke	Amile Jefferson
5	41	Brian	S	9	Seton Hall	Angel Delgado
6	60	Brian	S	6	Cincinnati	Kyle Washington
7	61	Brian	E	13	E Tenn St	T.J. Cromer
8	80	Brian	W	1	Gonzaga	Jordan Mathews

Last year's champ, Bob, has no one lower than a 6 seed. He has some balance across the regions. He's a real smarty pants.

ROUND	SELECTION	OWNER	REGION	SEED	TEAM	PLAYER
1	2	Bob	E	1	Villanova	Josh Hart
2	19	Bob	S	2	Kentucky	Edrice Adebayo
3	22	Bob	E	2	Duke	Jayson Tatum
4	39	Bob	MW	2	Louisville	Deng Adel
5	42	Bob	S	3	UCLA	Thomas Welsh
6	59	Bob	S	4	Butler	Kelan Martin
7	62	Bob	W	3	Florida St	Dwayne Bacon
8	79	Bob	E	6	SMU	Ben Moore

Shawn has PED-convicted Arizona guard Allonzo Trier, who I desperately wanted, and two players that get a 1.5x bonus: from Middle Tennessee and Iona. Iona has fucked me over both times I picked them, so Shawn is sure to fail. I mean, check out this Iona coach's face - does this inspire confidence, Shawn?

"You're gonna want to buy that TruCoat!" -- Coach Tim Cluess Jerry Lundegaard

ROUND	SELECTION	OWNER	REGION	SEED	TEAM	PLAYER
1	3	Shawn	MW	1	Kansas	Josh Jackson
2	18	Shawn	E	1	Villanova	Kris Jenkins
3	23	Shawn	W	2	Arizona	Allonzo Trier
4	38	Shawn	S	2	Kentucky	Isaiah Briscoe
5	43	Shawn	S	12	Middle Tenn	Jacorey Williams
6	58	Shawn	W	4	West Virginia	Nathan Adrian
7	63	Shawn	E	6	SMU	Sterling Brown
8	78	Shawn	MW	14	Iona	Jordan Washington

We like to kid Luke that he always drafts a team of white nationalists, and then he likes to play along and draft an Aryan Dream Team. But lots of non-whites this year, so it's more like an Aryan Daydream Team.

ROUND	SELECTION	OWNER	REGION	SEED	TEAM	PLAYER
1	4	Luke	E	2	Duke	Luke Kennard
2	17	Luke	E	3	Baylor	Johnathan Motley
3	24	Luke	S	3	UCLA	TJ Leaf
4	37	Luke	W	4	West Virginia	Jevon Carter
5	44	Luke	S	10	Wichita St.	Markis McDuffie
6	57	Luke	MW	1	Kansas	Sviatoslav Mykhailiuk
7	64	Luke	W	2	Arizona	Dusan Ristic
8	77	Luke	E	4	Florida	Canyon Barry

Chris was blessed with the middle draft spot, so he could size up how things were unfolding and respond accordingly. Instead, he drafted Landen Lucas in the 3rd round because he likes how he doesn't dunk very much. 

ROUND	SELECTION	OWNER	REGION	SEED	TEAM	PLAYER
1	5	Chris	W	1	Gonzaga	Nigel Williams-Goss
2	16	Chris	S	1	North Carolina	Joel Berry II
3	25	Chris	MW	1	Kansas	Landen Lucas
4	36	Chris	MW	11	Rhode Island	Hassan Martin
5	45	Chris	MW	3	Oregon	Jordan Bell
6	56	Chris	E	7	S. Carolina	Sindarius Thornwell
7	65	Chris	E	4	Florida	Devin Robinson
8	76	Chris	MW	7	Michigan	Derrick Walton Jr.

Stu was doing just fine and then he let his heart decide on his last pick, a guy who will be lucky to score 4 baskets in this tournament. But if Northwestern catches fire, LOOK OUT!

ROUND	SELECTION	OWNER	REGION	SEED	TEAM	PLAYER
1	6	Stu	S	1	North Carolina	Justin Jackson
2	15	Stu	MW	5	Iowa St.	Monte Morris
3	26	Stu	E	2	Duke	Grayson Allen
4	35	Stu	S	3	UCLA	Bryce Alford
5	46	Stu	W	8	Northwestern	Bryant McIntosh
6	55	Stu	W	5	Notre Dame	V.J. Beachem
7	66	Stu	MW	4	Purdue	Vincent Edwards
8	75	Stu	MW	1	Kansas	Carlton Bragg

James hopes to build off a come-from-behind 3rd-place finish last year with a team should jack a ton of threes, which is fun. 

ROUND	SELECTION	OWNER	REGION	SEED	TEAM	PLAYER
1	7	James	S	2	Kentucky	Malik Monk
2	14	James	MW	2	Louisville	Donovan Mitchell
3	27	James	E	1	Villanova	Mikal Bridges
4	34	James	E	6	SMU	Semi Ojeleye
5	47	James	MW	5	Iowa St.	Deonte Burton
6	54	James	W	11	Xavier	Trevon Bluiett
7	67	James	W	1	Gonzaga	Johnathan Williams
8	74	James	S	12	Middle Tenn	Giddy Potts

Jake has the best named players on his team. Except for Conner Frankamp. He also has the most 1.5x bonus players on a team, with 3. 

ROUND	SELECTION	OWNER	REGION	SEED	TEAM	PLAYER
1	8	Jake	S	2	Kentucky	De'Aaron Fox
2	13	Jake	MW	1	Kansas	Devonte' Graham
3	28	Jake	W	5	Notre Dame	Bonzie Colson
4	33	Jake	MW	10	Oklahoma St.	Jawun Evans
5	48	Jake	W	6	Maryland	Melo Trimble
6	53	Jake	W	2	Arizona	Rawle Alkins
7	68	Jake	S	11	Kansas St.	Wesley Iwundu
8	73	Jake	S	10	Wichita St.	Conner Frankamp

Gav has a very tall team. No doubt about it.

ROUND	SELECTION	OWNER	REGION	SEED	TEAM	PLAYER
1	9	Gav	S	1	North Carolina	Kennedy Meeks
2	12	Gav	E	1	Villanova	Jalen Brunson
3	29	Gav	S	11	Wake Forest	John Collins
4	32	Gav	W	1	Gonzaga	Przemek Karnowski
5	49	Gav	E	8	Wisconsin	Ethan Happ
6	52	Gav	S	5	Minnesota	Nate Mason
7	69	Gav	E	3	Baylor	Jo Lual-Acuil Jr.
8	72	Gav	MW	9	Michigan St.	Miles Bridges

My team is not going to win. For my lsecond-to-last pick, I weighed having fun and drafting a 13-seed player from Winthrop versus not having fun and making a safe pick in the AZ PG. And I went "safe" even though I probably have no chance to win, because my team looks very similar to everybody else's, plus I have slightly worse players than those above me. But hey, I did draft a guy from a 16-seed in the play-in game, so that's fun!

ROUND	SELECTION	OWNER	REGION	SEED	TEAM	PLAYER
1	10	Dan	W	2	Arizona	Lauri Markkanen
2	11	Dan	S	3	UCLA	Lonzo Ball
3	30	Dan	S	1	North Carolina	Isaiah Hicks
4	31	Dan	MW	2	Louisville	Quentin Snider
5	50	Dan	MW	3	Oregon	Dillon Brooks
6	51	Dan	W	5	Notre Dame	Matt Farrell
7	70	Dan	W	2	Arizona	Kadeem Allen
8	71	Dan	MW	16	NC Central	Patrick Cole

BY TEAM

KU had the most players drafted, with 6, one more than I put on the spreadsheet, because who the hell would pick a bench player? STU, THAT'S WHO! Arizona was second, with 5 players.

DOUBLES

I was the only guy who picked two players from the same team, which used to be a common thing to do. Now it's only me? Pretty weird, you guys! How smart that the team I doubled up on, Arizona, was also heavily drafted by other owners, meaning my bet on them is less worthwhile!

BY SEED

18 1-seed, 16 2-seed, 10 3-seed, 7 4-seed, 6 5-seed, 5 6-seed, and 2 7-seed players.

16 "bonus" players from seeds 8-16, including 2 each from Wichita State and Middle Tenn St.

BY REGION

22 S

21 MW

19 W

18 E

Everyone except Jake and I have a player from each region - we both lack a player from the East. 

Chris has 4 from the Midwest region, which is the most from a single region.

2016 Recap - Visual Content

Only a broadcast as dull as the Oscars and a host as uninspiring as Jimmy Kimmel could bring me to blog my blogs about the films of 2016. Since I only saw three 2016 movies in the theater, I am expanding my list to movies I later saw on television or DVD or streaming or whatever, plus TV shows. TV shows! Much like a film, these shows also use cameras and scripts, and are basically the same thing nowadays, you know?

From best to worst, here is notable 2016 visual content that I consumed!

OJ: Made in AmericaI purposely avoided FX PRESENTS: CUBA GOODING AND JOHN TRAVOLTA SHOW YOU THE REAL OJ SIMPSON because word on the street was this doc was gonna be so great. It was worth the wait. And sure, maybe the 9 hours of my life I dumped into examining some things I already knew about influenced its ranking at #1.

Stranger ThingsI worried this would be, like, a human centipede of E.T. and The Goonies and such other '80s movies. It wasn't!

Better Call SaulI mean, forget about it! Bob Odenkirk, please be my uncle!

The Good PlaceEveryone is talkin' 'bout that finale, but I gotta say, it was great even before that!

The Americans

Oooh, I sure didn't like the confession at the end of the previous season. Didn't like that! But I should have known that the writers would handle it great, because one of those guys faved my tweet once!

The Nice Guys
Whoa, this was so funny and so good!

Search Party

This was TBS very funny!

Popstar: Never Stop Stopping
This movie bombed and everybody can slam a dick, it's great!

DeadpoolI rented this so I could listen to the Hollywood Handbook podcast that was primarily about the movie. Good move by me!

Doctor StrangeIt had some problems, as my man Patrick Walsh and his man Joe DeRosa illustrated in this podcast, but you can't complain too much when you are watching a 3D movie about superheroes.

Star Trek Beyond
Not too shabby!

Midnight SpecialYou see more and more famous actors keep popping in as the movie goes along and you worry, "Uh oh, if it's got this many famous actors in it and never was in theaters, it must really suck!" but it's pretty cool!

The Beatles: Eight Days a Week - The Touring YearsFootage of screaming teenage girls, footage of concerts. B+!

La La LandMeh

Captain America: Civil WarZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz please shut up and fight somebody! People gave the Star Wars prequels grief for being all about galactic senatorial filibustering, but the constant Avengers chatter about who should watch the watchmen is such the opposite of why I watch.

The Magnificent SevenThis really rides the line between good and serviceable.

Hail, Caesar!

I was disappointed by this Coen Bros flick, but I can't put my finger on why other than to say it was a little boring?

Straight Outta Compton

What a long, long movie.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of JusticeI am counting the 15 minutes I saw on Starz or whatever as viewing the entire movie. Boy oh boy, not good!

2016 Recap: Podcasts

Fine 2016 podcasts:

I am sad that I waited until this year to get on the Hollywood Handbook train, but now I am on that train and I like being on that train very much, so much so that I do not want to get off the train, I want to stay in my seat on that choo choo and keep chugging along its track forever.

There are two ways to approach its greatness. You can listen to one of their fun episodes, like:

Hollywood Handbook #145, Whitmer Thomas And Clay Tatum, Our Friends From School

Or, you can get to know the men behind the boys, by listening to them talk about Red Lobster and the time Sean proposed to his girlfriend by putting a ring in a tub of popcorn during a showing of Sex Tape:


Doughboys -  Rocklobsterfest: Red Lobster 4 with Sean Clements and Hayes Davenport

Hollywood Handbook #128, Adam Sachs, Our Cool Bossfriend

Do you remember that movie called Hardcore Henry? Like a first-person video game shooter? They talk about it at the beginning of this episode and it's funny.

Song Exploder, Episode 70, Weezer, “Summer Elaine and Drunk Dori”

This is the best thing you can listen to if you want to question everything you ever liked about Weezer.

Uhh Yeah Dude #495, March 10 2016

There's a great Red Hot Chili Peppers discussion around the 45:00 mark

2016 Recap - Twitter

Notable moments of 2016 Twitter:


Best Thread - Bob Powers, "Dennis Property"

there was a 3rd property brother! His name was Dennis. They leave a little part of his body in the walls of every house they rehab.

— Bob Powers (@bobpowers1) July 14, 2016

End the lie campaign. THERE WERE THREE PROPERTY BROTHERS!!! #WhatHappenedToDennisProperty

— Bob Powers (@bobpowers1) July 14, 2016

Dennis Property knew too much. #WhatHappenedToDennisProperty

— Bob Powers (@bobpowers1) July 14, 2016

There was a quadruplet real estate fam hogging the spotlight. One night the Property Brothers wiped them out. #WhatHappenedToDennisProperty

— Bob Powers (@bobpowers1) July 14, 2016

Shotguns and fire. All 4 quadruplets dead. Dennis Property couldn't stomach what his triplet bros had done. #WhatHappenedToDennisProperty

— Bob Powers (@bobpowers1) July 14, 2016

He wanted to come clean. His brothers wanted to make millions. One fewer triplet meant a smaller split. #WhatHappenedToDennisProperty

— Bob Powers (@bobpowers1) July 14, 2016

"WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP HOMEOWNERS!" Dennis Property shouted as his two identical brothers raised their guns #WhatHappenedToDennisProperty

— Bob Powers (@bobpowers1) July 14, 2016

Killed him. Kept his flesh. They saw off a sliver and seal it into every house on...HGTV's Property Brothers. #WhatHappenedToDennisProperty

— Bob Powers (@bobpowers1) July 14, 2016

The entire series is a tomb. A monument to a sibling. A muted confession to a murder. Uterrly macabre. #WhatHappenedToDennisProperty

— Bob Powers (@bobpowers1) July 14, 2016

Most Disappointing Response to a Poll - Me, "Shania Twain Poll"

Is Shania Twain's "That Don't Impress Me Much" about a man's ability to give her sexual pleasure?

— Chester Reboulet (@chiliboots) July 11, 2016

Finest Election-related Tweet - Gabe Delahaye - "Response to Access Hollywood Trump Video"

Imagine being 59 years old, famous, married, a father, worth a billion dollars, and so so so desperate to impress Billy Bush.

— Gabe Delahaye (@gabedelahaye) October 8, 2016

2016 Soundtrack

I do this every year. These songs are what I loved this year, or what reminds me of this year, and are arranged in an order that I think has a great flow and is super appealing to your ears. The playlist used to be designed to fit on an 80-minute CD; this year, it's slightly longer, so you'd have to cut off the last song if you want to burn it to a CD. Happily, you would definitely do that anyway, even if you had plenty of minutes to work with.

Download the zipped folder here. You might need an app to unzip the files and play them on your phone. Ask Siri!

People sometimes ask, "Hey mate! Crikey! Could you fashion this into a Spotify playlist?" Well, it's almost 2017 and I still do not have a Spotify account, largely due to the fact that I work in a basement with a poor mobile data signal. And honestly mate, you can't get all of these hot tracks on streaming services. They're too hot!

If the songs get lost in your media library, just search for the ones with the genre labeled "Dan2016".

I've been inserting my own cover art into the mp3 files for the past few years. This year, it's a photo I took in the Smoky Hills of Kansas, near Ellsworth. #nofilter? No, there is a filter. 

1. Election Profit Makers (David Rees) - C’mon! We’re America! And EPM Theme

Listening to the Election Profit Makers podcast this year was a great source of joy. This track combines the opening of episode 2 with the full theme song played at the end of episode 17. Why did I spend so much time converting the files to mp3, and perfectly syncing two separate tracks? Because Joe Fucking Biden’s convention speech combined with this music gets me so psyched! C’mon!

If you would like to hear a fun mixtape by podcast host David Rees, featuring songs like “Paging Dr. Carson” and “Call Me Rudy” - a Guliani/Carly Rae Jepsen mashup - check it out!

2. Ofelia K - I Love My Lawyer

I learned of this song because the host of podcast “Totally Beverages and Sometimes Hot Sauce” (and co-host of the Totally Married podcast) is a music producer who worked with the artist. If you like this song, check out her songs “As a Bell” and “Another World”.

3. Paul McCartney & Wings - Jet

I love how much fun Gus and the other partygoers are having covering this song in episode 4 of Netflix’ “Love”. “Love” was a pretty good show I watched in 2016.

4. Savages - Evil

I am often frustrated because I find it hard to find rockin’ tunes in this era of dance electro pop and delicate indie bands. Savages gave me some of the rock I crave. I also listened to a lot of Ghost and Mercyful Fate this year, because Swedish metal satisfies my craving for rock.

5. Mike Adams at His Honest Weight - Bronze Worlds

Remember when I put three Mike Adams songs on last year’s soundtrack? He put out a new album in 2016, and he’s still got it!

6. Andrew Bird - Puma

“Are You Serious”, from which this hot track comes, was my second-favorite album this year. It has a duet with Fiona Apple that really appealed to me before I listened to it. Meh, I guess it’s fine.  

7. Car Seat Headrest - Fill in the Blank

This is from “Teens of Denial”, my favorite album of the year. If you put headphones on and  crank it up, it’s a really good time. “Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales”, “1937 Skate Park”, and “The Ballad of the Costa Concordia” are my favorites, along with this leadoff track.

8. Royal Headache - Wouldn’t You Know

On Michael Ian Black’s “How to be Amazing” podcast, Chuck Klosterman recommended this band despite calling them a “strange combination of 80’s synth music and 90’s indie rock, and that sounds terrible when you imagine them smashed together”. I do not think the songs I have heard resemble that much, and this song is basically in the Monster Ballad vein.

9. Grimes - Kill vs. Maim

I had not explored Grimes until hearing her tell the somewhat insane origin story behind this song on the Song Exploder podcast: “I had been watching Godfather and Godfather Part II, and I just had this thought in my mind of this insane movie that would just be like, The Godfather with vampires. Like a combination of Godfather and Twilight. I just wanted to make the trailer to the fictional movie in my mind.”.

10. Coldplay - Charlie Brown

This turd of a year started out innocently, with harmless Chris Martin and company singing with Beyonce at the Super Bowl. When my friend James mentioned how he liked that Coldplay abandoned some of their pretense and focused on singing about rainbows and shit, I agreed and elected to look up the albums I’d missed. They’re not so bad!

11. ABBA - The Winner Takes it All

Before the kids could talk much and therefore have opinions about the music I played on the way to daycare, I played some ABBA, thinking its worldwide appeal would strike them. They seemed pretty indifferent - maybe because they were not great at talking. Then, this summer, while I balanced on a ladder to repaint some flashing outside our living room windows, I listened to the Crybabies podcast. Tom Scharpling, the host of ANOTHER PODCAST I LISTEN TO - I LISTEN TO A LOT OF PODCASTS IS THE POINT OF THIS SOUNDTRACK, I GUESS - talked about how this song makes him cry. “The guys are writing the songs for the ladies to sing… it’s insane that… they were breaking up at that point.... Agneitta and Bjorn…[he] wrote this song that she had to sing about losing while they were splitting up, and she’s saying “I lose”, but it’s his words.”

12. Queen - Tie Your Mother Down

Watching a 1981 Queen concert on cable one night, I again thought, “Maybe the kids will like watching this. Freddy Mercury looks like a lot of fun, right?” They watched a YouTube clip for a bit and then forced me to turn something else on. Anyway, I decided that my knowledge of Queen wasn’t what it should be, so I reserved every Queen album that was available at the library. “A Day at the Races” was my favorite among the albums I hadn’t already experienced. I mean, as far as songs about really wanting to bone down and being annoyed that your girlfriend’s family doesn’t want you to bone down, this song is tops.

13. Wild Nothing - Reichpop

This is a nice song that Fluxblog recommended.

14. Blur - Song 2

I used to listen to podcasts while I drove the kids to daycare in the morning, but when they started talking more and more, it was time to switch to music. They were used to listening to sing-along kids music when their mom was driving, so I convinced them that I didn’t have any of that stuff in my car. We started with the Polyphonic Spree’s first album, because it was 1.> in my car’s console, and 2.> basically sing-along kids music, complete with many references to the sun and nature. Next I brought some Beatles in the car - Abbey Road because I’d sung “Golden Slumbers” a few times to Lizzy after we read it in a lullabye book, and Let it Be because it happened to also be on that mixed CD. “Two of Us” was well-received, second only to “Here Comes the Sun”.

But the most-requested song in daddy’s car was “Bunny Song”, aka Blur’s “Song 2”. It is known as “Bunny Song” because there is a teaser trailer for the Russell Brand animated vehicle “Hop” wherein the funny bunny assembles a drumkit and rocks out to Blur:

The teaser was played dozens of times before viewings of "The Little Train That Could", a low-rent animated movie that somehow attracted the voice talent of both Whoopi Goldberg and Jamie Lee Curtis. Why watch the previews every time? Our DVD remote is missing, and the universal remote I bought to take its place DOES NOT FUCKING WORK WITH THE GOVIDEO DVD/VCR COMBO EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TRIED EVERY POSSIBLE CODE AND TRIED TO LET THE REMOTE SEARCH THROUGH EVERY ONE OF ITS CODES TO FIND A MATCH.

15. Eleanor Friedberger - False Alphabet City

I continue to like Ms. Friedberger a lot.

16. David Bowie - Width of a Circle (live)

Some cable channel was airing the Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars show in the weeks after Bowie died, so I had it on that night as I was browsing the internet. At some point I looked up the setlist, and was astounded to find that I’d only heard 2 or 3 songs in the last 30 minutes. This song has extra-long, face-melting guitar shredding in middle because Bowie needed time to go change his alien spandex outfit.

17. Def Leppard - Let’s Get Rocked

On May 19, I took to social media:

Yesterday I thought, "It would be funny if I changed my phone notification sound to the Def Leppard singer saying 'Do you wanna get rocked?' from the beginning of their hit 'Let's Get Rocked', the opening track off 'Adrenalize'."

And I still want to do that but I don't have a digital copy - I had the cassette in 1992 but that wouldn't be useful even if I could find it - and due to ongoing disagreements between DL and their label, no downloads are available, so I'd have to buy a physical copy of that CD, because I already checked the library and they don't have the album.

So, I still think it would be a good project and man, if you've ever heard Joe Elliott say those words you HAVE to agree, but this is going to take some planning and effort, so please stay tuned, especially the only two people who probably care…

Later that night, success:

Thanks to everyone for their kind thoughts and understanding during this difficult time. Chris got me the needed snippet, and I'm loading it as my notification sound now. Also, when I was rocking the kids before they got put in their cribs, it occurred to me why "Do you wanna get rocked" has been on my mind lately.

But I still didn’t have the whole song, so I went to my local, vinyl-heavy music store and found it among the used CDs. They were asking four dollars. I was furious and put it back on the shelf. Many weeks later, they had a used CD sale and I bought it for fifty cents or a dollar. Upon further listening, it’s probably worth four dollars.

But yeah, the opening line of this song has been my notification sound since May 19. I thought I would keep it until someone heard it and laughed and said, “Whoa, Def Leppard?” No one has said that. I am an old person who thought someone would recognize a minor radio hit from 1992.

Also, this summer, I tried to sing this at a sparsely populated karaoke bar in St. Paul. It was after I put “Do you wanna get rocked?” on my phone, but before I bought the CD and listened to the entire song for the first time since the 8th grade. I can’t sing in that key, and I hadn't remembered how ridiculous the lyrics were, so around the second verse I started laughing and badly missing notes and I had to stop. Everyone was fine with it.

Groundzero For Bad Deals

Sometimes Yelp users are so great that you follow their RSS feed for years and years and they just keep nailing it: