Sunday, April 23, 2006

Beating Bush

Nathan and Julie had an argument about our President - was he above average intelligence, or was he below? I couldn't decide, so I tried to tackle the issue from another perspective. Could I match him in a game of wits? Like Trivial Pursuit?

People and Places

Unlike myself, W has visited every state in the Union (I assume), as well as many foreign countries. I have been to Cancun. This category also tends to favor the older player, who may know folks like Pol Pot from something other than a history book, and who may have actually known Elizabeth Taylor as a hot young actress.

EDGE: George W. Bush

History

Again, the older player usually has an advantage in this category. Now would be a good time to point out that I'm referring to the traditional Trivial Pursuit games, not the pop culture versions, which shouldn't be purchased or played.

EDGE: George W. Bush

Science and Nature

Unless he could use his position to skew the scientific information, as he does in real life, my two scientific degrees would prove too much for the President. "Working" on a ranch in Texas does not a nature expert make.

EDGE: Me

Sport & Leisure

W is a sports fan, and we all know that he enjoys his leisure. This is always a strong category for a male - I don't see either of us struggling to gain this piece of pie.

EDGE: None

Art & Literature

I imagine that George has read the same classics as I have, and perhaps even a few more. His wife is a librarian, so he's been at least subliminally exposed to hundreds of authors' names. For some reason, though, I think he'd be weak on Renaissance painting and sculpture. I, on the other hand, know that Rembrandt painted "The Night Watch".

EDGE: Me

Wild Card

Here's the thing about the Wild Card category - it's full of ridiculous questions like "How many paperclips does the average Croatian use per year?" And they often give you multiple choice: 20, 2000, or 20000000? You have to be savvy enough to know that it's always the huge number, or the tiny number. You have to be a veteran of the game. I'm guessing a college-aged W never stayed in on a Saturday night, playing very, very serious games of TP with his classmates until 3 or 4 in the morning. I have.

EDGE: Me

Taking three of the six categories outright, I would defeat our President. I could also dispatch him at Scrabble, Scattergories, Boggle, any fantasy sport, and Catchphrase.

I may be smarter, but that doesn't mean I'm invincible. I'll give W the nod in a game of Monopoly (he's the kind of guy that could convince you to trade him Pennsylvania Avenue for the Electric Company and a Get Out of Jail Free card), Stratego (irony rule in effect), and Quarters.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

George is a moron. He is the kid that sucumbs to peer pressure and trends. He has no original thought and no balls. He lets other people talk him into assanine ventures. He has had no consequence for his idiot behavior and therefore continues to act like a an untrained dog. Woof woof george woof woof.

Anonymous said...

I think you're giving the President way too much credit. People and Places? History? He hasn't shown any knowledge in either category. (See "guerilla warfare", "Vietnam", and "why we didn't occupy Iraq the first time we invaded"). He reminds me of this guy that I work with, Brad. When we told Brad that the world's largest McDonald's was in Budapest, Brad responded, "I didn't know Buddhists could eat meat." Dan, you would clearly defeat the President at Trivial Pursuit, as would anyone with at least a functioning brain stem.

Floyd said...

Sean's right - there's no beating around the Bush, you beat Bush all around.

God, I'm clever...

dn said...

Well, I see Julie is standing behind her "less than average intelligence" theory.

Shawn - I know he hasn't SHOWN much knowledge, but I assume he has it.

For the record, Bush could also beat me in a pissing contest.

dn said...

Floyd - you're clever enough to misspell Shawn's name, dude.

Anonymous said...

Since the original debate, I have come to downgrade my status of Bush. I'd liken him more to curious george...he's this simple, lovable character that always seems to be making a mess, whether it be with the ink, passing out from the ether, snorting cocaine, or causing a civil war. None of which takes intelligence. While I'm certain you would win at Trivial Pursuit, particularly People and Places category (recall Bush never left the country before becoming president) he would definitely have you beat at Chutes n' Ladders or Hungry, Hungry Hippo!

Gav said...

He'd probably mop the floor with you in beer-pong, asshole, or chugging contests.

Anonymous said...

I bet he could beat you in foot race. In fact, he has been known to challenge his daughters' gentlemen callers to foot races (no joking).

George is a douche. I said it. CIA/FBI, if you are monitoring this, you know where to find me...just know that I have a final exam tomorrow AM.

Heather

dn said...

I know it's just a typo, but can you imagine "Hungry Hungry Hippo"? One sad, lonely hippo eating herself to death?