A Trick Is Something A Whore Does For Money

Pop Candy wrote last week:

David Copperfield recently fooled a criminal by using magic. Jealous, David Blaine?

Let me fill you in, Whitney Matheson. First, David Copperfield did not use magic. He used an illusion. He is an illusionist.


Second, David Blaine does not get "jealous". David Blaine lives on a higher plane than we mortals. (And, occasionally, he lives underwater.)

David Blaine is not an illusionist. David Blaine is not a magician. David Blaine IS magic.

Do you know what David Blaine would have done in that situation? I'll tell you what David Blaine would have done in that situation. First, David Blaine would have advised his female companions (David Blaine needs no assistants, male or female, and rarely interacts with other humans for whimsical purposes, but I will assume in this hypothetical situation that two women were near him, and were being taught how to suspend their impish perspective of reality) to remain calm. David Blaine would have insisted they did not hand over any belongings or money, with the possible exception of a quarter, which David Blaine would have bitten in half, then reconstituted via magic. Next, David Blaine would have faced the would-be criminal, and asked him if he wanted to see a trick. Avoiding David Blaine's piercing eyes, the youth would have responded affirmatively. David Blaine would have presented him with a deck of cards, and instructed him to remove one card, and forbade him from revealing the card's value. David Blaine would then have asked the assailant to look down. Horrible screams would have echoed through the West Palm Beach streets (not that David Blaine would dare trespass in such vapid territory, preferring instead the only city large enough to manage his worldly vessel, New York City) as the thief saw his legs had morphed into snakes, which were slithering away, across the street, down the sidewalk, and into a Cheesecake Factory. As the man succumbed to shock, David Blaine would have calmly and clearly uttered the last words he would ever hear: Eight of Diamonds.

I trust I don't have to tell you that David Blaine would have been absolutely correct.