Time to delete some saved text messages from my phone...
There's a movie on hallmark where steve gutenberg plays a real life santa clause trying to convince the woman he loves to believe in him
Floyd, 11/25/06, 6:56 pm
I need your help getting rid of a dead hooker. Any suggestions?
Matt, 12/4/06, 4:11 pm
There appears to be no porn available in this fancy hotel. Does that seem strange to you?
[redacted], 12/5/06, 5:12 pm
Royals get Meche.
Bobby, 12/7/06, 12:29 pm
E coli is ruining Christmas
Brian, 12/20/06, 5:28 pm
Thanks for dying Gerald Ford. Four day weekend!
Jack Serpentine, 12/29/06, 5:32 pm
George Brett considers Lamar Hunt to be his second father
Gavin, 12/31/06, 3:06 pm
Since I'm first, I'll warn you if there is a robot war at midnight
Jack Serpentine, 12/31/06, 10:56 pm
No robots. Yet.
Jack Serpentine, 1/1/07, 12:09 am
...I was walking down the street the other day and I thought I saw you and came in my pants. It was not you. But at that point it didn't matter.
Matt, 1/26/07, 12:41 pm
I just saw a guy wearing a Nickelback t-shirt non-ironicly
Floyd, 1/26/07, 4:45 pm
I'm fucking hungover like a bastard
Brian, 1/28/07, 10:00 am
Prince is so good at covers I would let him cover me and I bet you would too
Other Brian, Super Bowl Sunday, 8:19 pm
Drunk as hell Matt to middle aged couple in old town: so how many times have you guys cheated on each other? Asian woman: we have been married for 13 years. Disgusted Matt: Oh really? Good for you, you fucking bitch.
Matt, 2/5/07, 11:38 pm
Manchita bring out my finest enchiladas for my amigos who have traveled so far
Brian, 2/10/07, 2:33 pm
Will you dress up like a clown and circle me on a tiny bicycle while I beat off in an ashtray
Matt, 3/2/07, 4:17 pm
Why don't they just release a bunch of goats in suspected mine fields? That seems like a pretty simple solution to me.
Matt, 3/7/07, 2:08 pm
My boss gave 'Wild Hogs' a glowing review
Floyd, 3/7/07, 7:26 pm
I'm fudding myself stupid, and I'm bloody loving it!
Shawn, 3/19/07, 6:36 pm
Seriously. I think someone is beating off in the stall next to me.
Matt, 3/26/07, 8:11 pm
It's official - Spangles breakfast bowls are made of my dreams
Floyd, 3/31/07, 10:24 am