Oh Me Oh Miley
"Your bra? Is it over there? No? Uh... I don't know, then. I know I didn't take it. Even if I did, I wouldn't know where I could sell such a thing. Or should I just keep it in a locked drawer, and pull it out every now and then to smell it? Wait. Uh... Shit. Just sit here naked for a minute and Ms Leibovitz will be with you soon."
"Da. Da. Is funny you ask, I just say to my comrade yesterday, I say, 'Before Glasnost, I cut the hair of President. I cut the hair of great Party men of Moscow.' But it was lifetime ago. Now I make the pop star look like refugee child. Starved refugee child. Also, horny. Horny, starved refugee child. Who has none of the clothes. Da. Da, life is funny this way."
"Uh, sure! Listen, can you shut up for a minute? I'm trying to light your ribcage... Ah, fuck. Something's off. Yeah, no, you look awesome! It's something with the equipment. I'll Photoshop it, and we'll get it to look right. I'll make sure you can see your 15-year-old ribcage poking out of your naked back. Don't worry! You look so hot! This is going to be the best masturbation fodder for middle schoolers I've ever shot! Thanks, Miley! The issue will be out in a week!
"Your bra? Is it over there? No? Uh... I don't know, then. I know I didn't take it. Even if I did, I wouldn't know where I could sell such a thing. Or should I just keep it in a locked drawer, and pull it out every now and then to smell it? Wait. Uh... Shit. Just sit here naked for a minute and Ms Leibovitz will be with you soon."
"Da. Da. Is funny you ask, I just say to my comrade yesterday, I say, 'Before Glasnost, I cut the hair of President. I cut the hair of great Party men of Moscow.' But it was lifetime ago. Now I make the pop star look like refugee child. Starved refugee child. Also, horny. Horny, starved refugee child. Who has none of the clothes. Da. Da, life is funny this way."
"Uh, sure! Listen, can you shut up for a minute? I'm trying to light your ribcage... Ah, fuck. Something's off. Yeah, no, you look awesome! It's something with the equipment. I'll Photoshop it, and we'll get it to look right. I'll make sure you can see your 15-year-old ribcage poking out of your naked back. Don't worry! You look so hot! This is going to be the best masturbation fodder for middle schoolers I've ever shot! Thanks, Miley! The issue will be out in a week!
5 comments:
Goddamnit, internet! No comments? What the rhubarb?! Nobody finds the Communist Party's barber funny? Ugh. I give up.
The most humorous thing about this story to me was the Disney spokesperson saying something to the effect of "Shame on Vanity Fair for exploiting a young girl."
not half as funny as 'what the rhubarb'...
[~jeff.]
Floyd, I was originally going to center my post around that Disney quote. When I started to research the photo, I found the production photos, and my plan changed.
When I first heard about this, I thought it was no big deal. Now I think about how inappropriate those photos would be for a high schooler's Senior Photos, consider Miley's age, and am squarely in the "what the fuck are these people doing?" camp. If you are a pottytrained individual unable to buy tobacco, you shouldn't be photographed naked. Or nearly naked.
Aside from all the obvious "exploitation", "kiddie porn", etc., don't you agree that she looks about a bazillion times more attractive in the production shots than in the finished product? What?
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