New York To-Do

FOOD

• an everything bagel
• deli sandwich (corned beef or pastrami)
• some spicy Bobby Flay bullshit
• some REAL FUCKIN' BROOKLYN PIZZA!

LANDMARKS

• Brooklyn Bridge
• Central Park (specifically Strawberry Fields, so I can take a dump on it)

• The Plaza Hotel, my main man F. Scott's old haunt
• not Ellis Island
• MOMA's Van Gogh exhibit
• an observation deck (Rockefeller Center or Empire State Building*)

*Speaking of which, I wonder when people began to stress the "State" instead of the "Empire". When you say New York's nickname, you stress the "Empire". "EMPIRE State". When you talk about the building, you stress "State". "Empire STATE Building".

ACTIVITIES

October 5

• ASSSSCAT 3000 improv at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre
• Fleet Foxes at Webster Hall

October 6

• taping of Late Night with Conan O'Brien

That's one sweet trip, no? Any suggestions, particularly on where NOT to go, should be written in the comments.

I Pay Attention

I guess I'm the last person to realize that Carla Jean from "No Country for Old Men"


is Kelly Macdonald, the same actress that played the young Diane in "Trainspotting".


Or at least, I'm the last person that's read "Trainspotting", watched it a dozen times, watched "No Country" twice, read "No Country", and glanced at her IMDB profile all without making the connection.

Floydian Slip

Floyd has reached the two-post milestone, so he's been added to the blogroll to the right. Head on over for his sad conversation with Dell's tech support.

Whatchu Talkin' Bout, Ellis?

I've mentioned this before, but a new advertising blitz during the Olympics has made it relevant again.



Mikey Phelps and his celebrity pals would like you to pony up $250 million or so to fix up some of the old buildings on Ellis Island. They already have a huge immigration museum, but they want to rehab the old hospital and other old buildings to create a conference center.

A conference center on an island accessible only by boat.

Hey, American hero swimmer: why don't you ask those poor, hard-working immigrants -- those huddled masses that risked everything for the American dream -- a question.

"Do you think we should spend $250 million to renovate the old shack where you were deloused?"

I guarantee that none of them would give a shit. And neither do I. Dick.

Poddy Time!

I jumped into 2004 last month, purchasing a moderately priced digital media player through Amazon.

It's only 4 gigs, but it gets the job done -- that job being podcast playback. Talk radio entertained me through long hours farming, audiobooks have passed many a road trip, and now this sort-of cheap device can bring that fun anywhere I roam.

If you're similarly pleased by podcast, please persue:

You Look Nice Today
Matt recommended this, and I'm glad he did. If you enjoy the live episode, "Live!: Baby on a Dog", you should subscribe to the feed.

(The format and tone of this show is imagined Phil and I would be creating when, a few years back, he suggested we record conversations via Skype for our own podcast. I went to Best Buy over my lunch break to buy a USB headphone/microphone combo, set up Skype, jotted down some ideas, and was ready to claim spot atop the podcasting world. Phil's interest waned. Gav claimed ownership of the headset; then, since it was made by Logitech, it broke. Goddamn Logitech. You buy a magical, life-changing universal remote from them for a premium price, and less than 2 years later it's wonky, and their customer service suggests you do a safe mode reboot even though they know that won't improve the response of the failing buttons, and they say, "Oops! It's only got a one-year warranty! Suck it!" Anyways, what I'm trying to say is: I should have a podcast, but I don't.)


The Adam Carolla Show
More hits than misses. The news segments are often daily highlights, spawning humorous tangents and prolonged commentary.


The Sound of Young America
Recommended only if you've heard of the person being interviewed. Shows featuring comedians are the best. Try it out by listening to the interview of Paul F. Tompkins, which includes some good stand-up clips.


This American Life
You already know this, because you're white and middle-class, but it's consistently great. RELEVANCY ALERT: if you want to know what the fuck prompted the U.S. economy to turn to shit overnight, listen to "The Giant Pool of Money".


If YOU have any additions to this small list of good podcasts, please post them in the comments.

IH8U

The best vanity license plate I saw on Friday: "PECANS"

The worst vanity license plate I saw on Friday: "FEDERER"

Total vanity plates seen on Friday: 2.

Also, Floyd sends this along...

A Requiem In One Act

(Int. My office. Wednesday. 5 p.m. LOWLY ASSISTANT walks by the office of AWFUL MANAGER on his way out of the building.)

AWFUL MANAGER: Watch it out there - it's raining again.

LOWLY ASSISTANT: Is it raining hard?

AWFUL MANAGER: Well, that's relative. I couldn't really say.

MY BRAIN: Jesus Fucking Christ.

Show And Tell

I decided what toy I wanted to bring to school for show and tell. My mom helped me hide it inside of two paper grocery sacks, keeping my item secret until its unveiling.

When it was my turn, I walked to the front of the room and faced the other twenty first-graders. In one movement, I ripped the bags apart and aimed my black plastic assault rifle toward my classmates. The trigger activating its "realistic" bullet sound effects, I waved the large gun left and right, spraying the room and its occupants with imaginary bullets as my teacher looked on, unflinching.

That's how old I am.

The Ragin' Palin

I don't like to write about politics. Especially presidential politics. Because if you're an "undecided" voter right now, what I say won't matter. Because you're an idiot. If you still don't know how to choose between Obama and McCain, you're hopeless. It would take you a week to get a cone at Baskin-Robbins.

I also don't like to read about politics, or to watch these conventions. Why should I? I know how I'm going to vote, and nothing some asshole on AM radio says is going to change that.

But I did have the Republican convention on in my hotel room last night, and I listened to Guliani's speech while I shaved. I heard him start a chant of "Drill Baby Drill!", which I equated to JFK's famous "Let's revisit this whole steam power thing" directive.

Then, fresh-shaven and beautiful, I survived a few moments of Sarah Palin's First Big Speech. "Yeah, she's an ass," I confirmed after a few sentences, and switched the TV to a heartwarming biography of "Weird" Al Yankovic.

Ignoring her dumb speech -- why does "folksy"="idiot" with Dan Rather yet "folksy"="plucky" with Bush, Palin, Huckabee, et al? -- I will only say this about Palin and her ballyhooed executive experience as an Alaskan mayor and governor. Yes, she led the state. Yes, she has a high approval rating among her constituents. But it's Alaska! Do you know what else Alaskans give a high approval rating to? Crapping in an bucket!

I expect real former Alaskans to comment on their thoughts about the simplicity of leading that state.