I know I said the contest would run until Friday, but it won't. It's over. Shawn won, because his relative asked if he wanted a helping of dark meat because he supported Obama. That's the only offensive or ignorant comment I heard about. Good job, everybody. Wait, no, it was not a good job. It was a job that no one applied for. For which no one applied. And now that goddamn "I tried to do handstands for you" song is playing over the iPod Nano commercial. Fuck it all.