Sunday, August 08, 2010

Better Leave Her Behind

Tonight I saw a movie titled "The Kids are All Right", a film I expected to enjoy. It enjoys a very high rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and its commercials are somewhat enticing.

My favorite part of the film is when Mark Ruffalo offers Julianne Moore a piece of strawberry rhubarb pie. It inspired me to buy such a pie on my way home.

The rest of the film inspired me to stop wasting my life watching junk. The scenes not featuring pie were well-acted and obvious. Everything you think might happen does. Everything you hope might happen (i.e. Annette Benning, the aforementioned pie eaters, and every other adult featured are all hit by a train) does not.

The movie is about two hours long. It feels much longer. I would have given anything for these characters to die, the house lights to come up, and a large piece of pie be handed to me. But it just went on and on, leaving me to wonder, "Was Annette Benning ever hot?" and "When was the last time Julianne Moore didn't show her tits?" and "Who gives a fuck about these rich white people?" and "If I could design move to show how horrible West Coast liberals are, would it differ in any way from this?" and "Where are all the trains in this California town, and why aren't they plowing into any of these people?".

In summation, this movie can go to hell -- where it will feel right at home, hell and this film both being eternal and horrible.


casey elizabeth said...

hahahahahaha. send this to npr.

dn said...

I don't know if I can edit out the swears and rage in time for Thursday afternoon's All Things Considered.