Tuesday, November 08, 2011

The Walking Dumb - Season 2 Episode 3

[Floyd and I are still watching AMC's "The Walking Dead", even though I think it's not scary nor thrilling, and even though Floyd read the first series of the graphic novel it's based on and didn't want to read the rest.]

dn: The show starts with a scene where Shane shaves his head

floyd: ok

dn: you told me you thought this was a flashback at first

floyd: I did

floyd: because of the running shower

floyd: and the electricity

dn: did you wonder why they would flash back to such a boring time in everyone's life?

floyd: couldn't be much more boring than the zombie apocalypse lives they're leading

dn: how long until you figured out it was a flash forward?

floyd: I didn't realize until they finally came back to it later in the episode

floyd: seriously

dn: ok. we'll get into that later

floyd: I thought they were just showing a time in the past that Shane shaved his head for some reason

floyd: figured it made as much sense as anything else they show us

dn: for now, we've got Shane and fat hunter trapped in the school, standing on bleachers, planning to get away from the zombie horde

dn: they come up with a "plan" in 20 seconds, decide it's foolproof, and begin its execution

floyd: how did the fat guy get up on top of the bleachers?

floyd: never mind

dn: they both immediately sprain their ankles escaping the zombies

floyd: the plan being to use human bait

floyd: becoming a common theme

dn: I never thought about it before

dn: but it seems like jumping from high places

dn: is an important survival skill

dn: when the undead are involved

floyd: yeah, it's important to know how to do

floyd: there's lots of climbing and jumping when zombies are chasing you

dn: i wish there was a parkour guy in this group of characters

dn: that would liven things up

floyd: parkour?

dn: where you jump around on common objects?

dn: like the opening scene in Casino Royale

dn: www.youtube.com/watch?v=​RaeXVnhw7iU

floyd: ah

floyd: right

floyd: I was thinking of Super Mario Brothers

dn: huge green pipes are not common objects

floyd: giant mushrooms, however ...

dn: meanwhile at the farmhouse, Grimes' wife Lori is considering letting her child die

dn: rather than risk an operation

dn: or something?

floyd: which is a nice thought to have after you've already sent two people on a suicide mission to bring back surgical equipment

dn: haha

floyd: also the same woman that gave the doctor a bitch fit after finding out he wasn't a people doctor

dn: she says "This isn't a world for children anymore."

floyd: haha, FORESHADOWING

dn: good parental instinct? or THE BEST parental instinct?

floyd: Darwin in action

floyd: maybe Lori realizes that she and Rick/Shane aren't fit for survival

dn: then we're back at the school clusterfuck

dn: Shane is up against a chain link fence

dn: lots of chain link in this episode

dn: and zombies are advancing.

floyd: it's a school

floyd: all I remember about high school is the chain link fences

floyd: also, I went to school at a prison

dn: Shane gives a look like, "Time to activate BEAST MODE!"

dn: but then it's like, whoops, this is too many zombies to kill

floyd: "BEAST MODE" meaning letting three zombies get dangerously close before shooting them

dn: when all the sudden a zombie head explodes, and we see the fat hunter shot him from behind

dn: in fact, it seems that the hunter, the zombie head, and Shane were all lined up

floyd: which struck me as awfully dangerous, considering the fat hunter already shot one person by shooting through his intended target

dn: this guy needs a basic hunter's safety course

floyd: it would have been great, though, if he shot Shane the same way he shot Carl

floyd: and then that kind of became his catch phrase

dn: uh oh, Spaghetti-Os!

floyd: especially if, after shooting another person by shooting through something, he shrugged his shoulders and asked the camera, "Did I do that???"

dn: well, he does have suspenders like Urkel

floyd: this show could use some Urkel

dn: did you watch Family Matters growing up?

floyd: I think

floyd: I don't remember any plots, I just remember Urkel

dn: I did. I remember kind of wondering if it would be more funny to me if I was black

floyd: haha

floyd: I felt the same way about Friends

dn: and Urkel really liked the neighbor girl, right?

dn: but I wasn't really sure how hot she was

dn: because I had no exposure to hot black people

dn: other than The Fresh Prince of Bel Air

dn: so it's like, "Why is Urkel so obsessed? Is this the hottest black girl in the world or what?"

dn: ...maybe I should have kept this to myself

floyd: what about Lisa Turtle?

floyd: I mean, Screech was just a white Urkel

floyd: I think that's the title of his biography: "Screech: White Urkel"

dn: but he was the original

dn: the first nerd ever on TV

dn: or film

dn: don't research it - just trust me

dn: I feel like maybe I got us off track?

dn: now seems like the time to say that the farmhouse vet guy is named "Hershel"

dn: just a classic backwoods Georgia name

dn: one time I asked my dad if Hershel Walker was Jewish

dn: and he kinda laughed and said "maybe"

floyd: what did he say?

floyd: and why would you ask that?

dn: uh, I guess because he was the only Hershel I knew

dn: but then there was an SNL skit that made it kind of obvious that Hershel was a classic Jew name

dn: but explained there weren't a lot of Jewish blacks out there

floyd: did you know any Jews?

dn: of course not

floyd: oh

dn: I feel like maybe I got us off track again

floyd: well, there's a lot going on

floyd: and it's really easy to get back on track

floyd: because maybe 4 things happen in an episode

dn: thing #3: the redneck and the bitchy chick decide to walk around in the pitch black woods searching for the lost girl

dn: must've been a full moon or something

dn: plenty of light for them

floyd: I thought they were going to hump, maybe

dn: me too

floyd: but no, that would have been intriguing

floyd: or at least something

floyd: instead, they talk about her wanting a gun some more

floyd: ugh

dn: they find a guy that hung himself, then turned zombie afterward

floyd: "Got Bit. Got Lit. Ended It. Sayonora"

floyd: isn't that what his note said?

dn: Got Bit. World went to shit. Might as well quit.

dn: why do I know that?

floyd: haha

dn: I might like yours better

dn: shows he was a party dude

floyd: it's more Southern

dn: got bit, y'all. Go Dawgs!

dn: the redneck asks that bitch if she still has a will to live, and she's like, "Shoot that thing with one of your precious arrows and I'll tell you."

dn: and he does, and she says, "Kinda"

floyd: haha

floyd: right

floyd: he should have made her go get the arrow

floyd: for giving such a crappy answer

floyd: here's the question about that scene

floyd: what if she'd said "no"

floyd: what would redneck have done?

dn: maybe then they would have boned

floyd: I think he would have killed her

floyd: wait, that's me

floyd: and then they found the girl

floyd: no they didn't

floyd: why do they all care so much if Andrea kills herself?

floyd: man, let her finish it



floyd: "For the last time, you can't have your gun!"

dn: this show has the worst way of bringing up deep conversations

dn: the next one was the vet's daughter and the asian dude

dn: the vet's daughter was like "Do you believe in God"

: just jumped right into it on the farmhouse porch

dn: but anyway

dn: then something EXCITING actually happened

floyd: well, are we skipping past where he asked her if she believed in God?

floyd: to which she responds, "I always just took it on faith"

floyd: to which God facepalmed himself

dn: haha

floyd: that somebody is getting paid to write this stuff

floyd: ok

floyd: so Shane and fat hunter are kind of jogging away from the zombies

floyd: and you can tell they're getting tired, because they keep looking at each other like they're really tired

floyd: and they only have one bullet left -- "I only have one bullet left" -- because they wasted a bunch of bullets shooting zombies from the top of the bleachers

floyd: although Shane still has a bullet

floyd: which, after saying "Sorry" and TOTALLY not meaning it, shoots it into the hunter's leg

floyd: with his gun

dn: yes, with his bullet gun

floyd: for some reason he didn't just kill the hunger, or really wound him badly enough not to fight

dn: the hunter says, "Uh oh! Spaghetti Os!"

floyd: because then he has to wrestle this disgusting, bleeding fat man to get the surgical supplies

floyd: which thankfully weren't crushed by the hundreds of pounds writhing around on top of htem

floyd: "Did I do that?"

dn: and the hunter feebly fights back by grabbing at Shane's hair

floyd: and then the hunter gets torn to shreds by zombies after Shane miraculously gets away just in time, missing only a tuft of hair, which I guess is why he shaved his head, also because of SYMBOLISM or something

dn: he makes it back to the farmhouse JUST IN TIME

dn: with the supplies, and the kid gets his surgery

floyd: after Carl has his hilarious seizure

floyd: that kid is just begging for the Emmy

floyd: and he's not going to get it

floyd: because he's a terrible actor

floyd: even for a kid

floyd: I think my quote was earlier, "Carl makes Jake Lloyd look like Marlon Brando"

dn: which is performed under bright lights because somehow this rural Georgia farmhouse has electricity

floyd: they have generators, Dan

floyd: a bunch of generatoers

dn: they have a bunch of generators

dn: but the CDC's generators ran out of fuel like a week or two ago

floyd: the CDC was huge, though

dn: whatever.

dn: and Shane claims the hunter sacrificed himself

dn: instead of saying "I'm a monster and shot that fatty."

floyd: "Natural Selection, bitches"

floyd: "now go save that useless child"

dn: so they're like, "Nice work, Shane."

dn: "you're definitely a hero and not a monster"

dn: "go hit the shower"

floyd: and then five minutes later, the doc comes out and says Carl is going to be fine

floyd: "We were all worried about nothing!" is what he said

floyd: "The X-Rays show that all the bullet fragments are removed!"

dn: "Carl will be fine. He'll walk again. But his acting will still be terrible."

dn: "and he'll still have dumb urges to pet large wildlife"

floyd: "we can't tell if he suffered brain damage or not"

floyd: and Lori's like, "I'm so happy?"

floyd: because she still doesn't think that this is a world for children

floyd: then she nags somebody about something

floyd: and that this farmhouse has an abundance of fuel and water

floyd: pretty convenient

floyd: and white bread

dn: and then we close the episode with Shane's head shaving scene, and we all realize it was a flash FORWARD

dn: here's what I wrote about that head shaving scene on Videogum, which does a magnificent job of recapping this piece of crap:

dn: The cold open/flash forward both took away the suspense of “will Shane escape the high school” AND the suspense of “what’s Shane looking for as he crazily rummages through the bathroom”.

dn: I figured out the flash forward right away

dn: probably because I've seen Breaking Bad and you haven't

dn: and it's clear the writers think they have to imitate Breaking Bad to a tee

dn: and BB really likes those flash forward cold opens

floyd: well, the week before they tried what I guess we'll call a Lost homage

floyd: with the flashback cold open

floyd: then never flashed back again

dn: yep, it was time well spent

floyd: because the flashback was completely useless

floyd: "We need to remind people that Rick was shot"

dn: and that his wife is horrible

floyd: "and that he and Lori's marriage is kind of limp and flaccid"

floyd: "and that Carl is sad that Rick is shot"

floyd: Good use of five minutes, guys!

dn: good series!

dn: can't wait for season 3!

floyd: do you think thye'll have found the girl by then?

floyd: or is the girl like the Russian from the Sopranos?

floyd: just disappears into the woods, never to be heard of again?

dn: it's like the briefcase from Pulp Fiction

floyd: also, if you've never seen Sopranos, apologies for the spoiler

floyd: it's a really good episode

floyd: ROSEBUD

dn: Soylent Green

floyd: the spinning top from Inception

dn: so we'll talk episode 4 tomorrow?

floyd: yes

floyd: tomorrow

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