dn: it's the Tyler Palko era!
floyd: this is the worst chat room ever
floyd: it causes Chrome to crash
floyd: it keeps having connection errors
floyd: ok, maybe it's settled in now?
dn: so how about opening it with Explorer or Firefox
dn: or Netscape?
floyd: good one
floyd: ok, I think it's good to go
dn: like your mom
dn: Episode 5
dn: starts with a flashback
dn: people watch as Atlanta gets napalm dropped on it
floyd: which explains all the burned-out buildings we saw in the first season
dn: does napalm kill zombies?
dn: it would, right?floyd: well, I imagine it would melt their brains
floyd: but that's the only way it would work
floyd: also, it seemed to have done a really shitty job
dn: haha. yeah
floyd: considering Atlanta was still crawling with zombies
floyd: sorry, WALKERS
dn: have they ever used the word "zombie" on this show?
floyd: not that I can rememberdn: huh
floyd: this show inhabits a world where the word zombie never existed
floyd: for some reason
dn: so this show is big on flashbacks
dn: but the one flashback I'd like to see
dn: is one involving Grimes and his wife
dn: i'd like to see why they got married
dn: because she is always such a whiny sourpuss
floyd: I was just going to joke about that
floyd: yeah, she's not pleasant to be aroundfloyd: ever
floyd: has she even smiled yet in the entire show?
dn: maybe a flashback to them at a roller rink or something
dn: or seeing Gallagher smash a watermelon
dn: she'd laugh then!
floyd: doing blow off of a Duran Duran vinylfloyd: Lori desperately scrambling around the house to flush the drugs
floyd: when the cops are arresting Ray Liot- I mean, Rick
dn: haha i get it
dn: so this episode focuses on the redneck
dn: he takes a horse and goes looking for the little girldn: and WHOOPS the redneck falls down a ravine
dn: the redneck is hurt badly. will he survive? will he make it back to the farmhouse?
dn: will we have to watch him nurse his injury for the next 4 weeks?
floyd: yeah, Daryl takes a horse without asking
floyd: Hershel's not pleased, but we've realized by now that Hershel is all bark and no bite
dn: Southern gentleman
floyd: and we find out that the horse was the nervous onefloyd: scared by a rattlesnake
floyd: this is one of the things that really bothered me
floyd: this is a show about zombies
floyd: why is there a rattlesnake scaring anything?
floyd: it really easily could have been a zombie
floyd: come on
dn: haha. yeah. or a skeleton
dn: or a snake squirming out of a zombie's skull
dn: but nope, just a snake chillin' on the ground
floyd: other than what happened
floyd: what a bunch of crap
floyd: "well, we need Daryl to fall down for some reason. Any ideas, guys?"
floyd: ".... I got it!!"
floyd: "I bet you're going to say a zom-- "
floyd: "A rattlesnake could scare the horse!"
floyd: "right, that could work, good job Hugh"
floyd: because one of the writers is named Hugh
floyd: he went to Harvard
floyd: his father got him the job
dn: "The boys at the Lampoon will get a kick out of this!"
dn: finishing the storyline-
dn: he hallucinates from the pain of having an arrow in his side
dn: a WALKER wakes him up by ALMOST biting him
dn: so he shoots one with an arrow
floyd: ha, it was gnawing on his shoe
floyd: nothing's more terrifying than monsters so stupid that they go for your shoe rather than your neck when you're unconscious
dn: and kills another
dn: and then just kind of heals himself?
dn: through the power of "gettin' mean"?
dn: always a pet peeve of mine
dn: this guy fell down a cliff
dn: and has lost blood
dn: but he just cuts open a squirrel he shot earlier
dn: and eats some raw squirrel guts
dn: for a boost of energy
dn: PROBLEM SOLVED
floyd: he's a redneck Popeye
dn: haha exactly
dn: it's like when football coaches say their team isn't being tough enough
dn: "We just need to get tougher!"
floyd: it's like when football coaches get really racist for no good reason
floyd: "You know who wins if you die? The n*****s, that's who!"
dn: so he trudges back to the farmhousedn: and Andrea, the horrible blonde, is on WALKER watch
floyd: for some reason
dn: she spots him and a bunch of guys goes to see what's up
floyd: somebody finally let her get her hands on a gun
floyd: a sniper rifle, no less
floyd: and the guys are like "don't shoot, we got this"
dn: and she's like, "GIRL POWER!"
floyd: god she's terrible
dn: she tries to shoot the "Walker"
dn: with her first ever shot from a sniper rifle, and possibly any gun
floyd: but it's Daryl!
floyd: from like 100 yards, too
floyd: in direct disobedience of the armed men that were going to kill the single zombie
floyd: also, given the way this show has gone so far, and given what little Carl had surgery for, what, two days ago?
floyd: she goes ahead and takes the shot that easily could have hit one of the confirmed humans
floyd: this all makes sense, because this is something a person would do in this crazy situation, right?
dn: i noticed when I saw part of a rerun
dn: that she was also shooting into the sun
dn: which is partially why she didn't recognize it as the redneck
dn: and adds another degree of difficulty to the sniper shot
floyd: it's why she only nicked him
dn: still a hell of a shot, really
floyd: an incredible shot
floyd: an unnecessary, extremely dangerous and careless, incredible shotfloyd: really, doing something like this would get a person exiled among responsible humans
floyd: but with Andrea, they're just like "shake it off, we all make mistakes"
dn: if she left, there would only be 2 or 3 people left to constantly nag
dn: the other part of this episode worth mentioning
dn: so Short Round is on the porch when the farmer's daughter, Maggie, comes by
dn: and he says, "I still have 11 condoms left."
dn: pick up line of the decade?
floyd: Glen sucks
floyd: worst comeback ever? "I don't even know if I like you yet"floyd: "I'm sorry, did you hear I had 11 wedding rings? Because that's not what I said. I said I had 11 condoms. You know, for fucking."
dn: the worst part of that pick up line
dn: is that it worked, because she later slipped him a note
dn: asking where they should meet that night
dn: she chose to pass the note during dinner
dn: when everyone was in the same room
dn: rather than any other time, when it's easy to communicate secretly
floyd: these are decisions that rational people would makefloyd: not characters that exist solely as plot drivers
dn: as if to make your point, she waits until much later to read his written response
dn: "ever done it in a hayloft?"
floyd: just to recap
floyd: she passed him a note
floyd: during dinner
floyd: so important it couldn't wait
floyd: asking where he wanted to have secret, taboo sex again
floyd: that night!
floyd: and then she waits what appears to have been at least an hour to two to read the response
floyd: MAKES PERFECT SENSE
dn: so she RUNS to the barn
dn: only to see she's too late
dn: Glen has already discovered that WALKERS are kept in the barn
floyd: I realize we're almost done, but this part really, really bugged me
floyd: even though it wasn't surprising at all
floyd: I mean, we knew there was something going on at this weird farm, and it was pretty much directly alluded to when Hershel talked about how he thought he could cure the disease
floyd: but how the fuck are there like 20 zombies being kept in a barn that nobody can detect?
floyd: they don't smell?
dn: maybe the pile manure around the barn to mask the scent of undead flesh
floyd: they don't make noises, or start banging on the doors when they hear people running around shooting each other outside, or dragging zombies out of wells
floyd: I mean, crap, Lori alone has shrieked enough to get those zombies all riled up to start banging on the doors
floyd: like they do at the end of the episode
floyd: and where is this goddam little girl?
floyd: ugh, can they just find Sophia already???
dn: apparently not
dn: they're going to sit and tread water all season