Monday, November 21, 2011

The Walking Dumb - Season 2 Episode 5

[After a week delay, we are still doing this. Hopefully we'll be caught up with the current episode (#6) by tomorrow night.]

floyd: hi

dn: heeeey

dn: it's the Tyler Palko era!

floyd: this is the worst chat room ever

dn: why?

floyd: it causes Chrome to crash

floyd: Chrome!

floyd: it keeps having connection errors

floyd: ok, maybe it's settled in now?

dn: so how about opening it with Explorer or Firefox

dn: or Netscape?

floyd: Explorer?

floyd: good one

floyd: ok, I think it's good to go

dn: like your mom

dn: Episode 5

dn: starts with a flashback

dn: people watch as Atlanta gets napalm dropped on it

floyd: which explains all the burned-out buildings we saw in the first season

dn: does napalm kill zombies?

dn: it would, right?

floyd: well, I imagine it would melt their brains

floyd: but that's the only way it would work

floyd: also, it seemed to have done a really shitty job

dn: haha. yeah

floyd: considering Atlanta was still crawling with zombies

floyd: sorry, WALKERS

dn: have they ever used the word "zombie" on this show?

floyd: not that I can remember

dn: huh

floyd: this show inhabits a world where the word zombie never existed

floyd: for some reason

dn: so this show is big on flashbacks

dn: but the one flashback I'd like to see

dn: is one involving Grimes and his wife

dn: i'd like to see why they got married

floyd: haha

dn: because she is always such a whiny sourpuss

floyd: I was just going to joke about that

floyd: yeah, she's not pleasant to be around

floyd: ever

floyd: has she even smiled yet in the entire show?

dn: maybe a flashback to them at a roller rink or something

dn: or seeing Gallagher smash a watermelon

dn: she'd laugh then!

floyd: doing blow off of a Duran Duran vinyl

floyd: Lori desperately scrambling around the house to flush the drugs

floyd: when the cops are arresting Ray Liot- I mean, Rick

dn: haha i get it

dn: so this episode focuses on the redneck

dn: he takes a horse and goes looking for the little girl

dn: and WHOOPS the redneck falls down a ravine

dn: the redneck is hurt badly. will he survive? will he make it back to the farmhouse?

dn: will we have to watch him nurse his injury for the next 4 weeks?

floyd: yeah, Daryl takes a horse without asking

floyd: Hershel's not pleased, but we've realized by now that Hershel is all bark and no bite

dn: Southern gentleman

floyd: and we find out that the horse was the nervous one

floyd: scared by a rattlesnake

floyd: this is one of the things that really bothered me

floyd: this is a show about zombies


floyd: allegedly

floyd: why is there a rattlesnake scaring anything?

floyd: it really easily could have been a zombie

floyd: come on

dn: haha. yeah. or a skeleton

dn: or a snake squirming out of a zombie's skull

dn: but nope, just a snake chillin' on the ground


floyd: other than what happened

floyd: what a bunch of crap

floyd: "well, we need Daryl to fall down for some reason. Any ideas, guys?"

floyd: ".... I got it!!"

floyd: "I bet you're going to say a zom-- "

floyd: "A rattlesnake could scare the horse!"

floyd: "right, that could work, good job Hugh"

floyd: because one of the writers is named Hugh

floyd: he went to Harvard

dn: haha

floyd: his father got him the job

dn: "The boys at the Lampoon will get a kick out of this!"

dn: finishing the storyline-

dn: he hallucinates from the pain of having an arrow in his side

dn: a WALKER wakes him up by ALMOST biting him

dn: so he shoots one with an arrow

floyd: ha, it was gnawing on his shoe

floyd: nothing's more terrifying than monsters so stupid that they go for your shoe rather than your neck when you're unconscious

dn: and kills another

dn: and then just kind of heals himself?

dn: through the power of "gettin' mean"?

floyd: adrenaline

dn: always a pet peeve of mine

dn: this guy fell down a cliff


dn: and has lost blood

dn: but he just cuts open a squirrel he shot earlier

dn: and eats some raw squirrel guts

dn: for a boost of energy


floyd: he's a redneck Popeye

dn: haha exactly

dn: it's like when football coaches say their team isn't being tough enough

dn: "We just need to get tougher!"

floyd: it's like when football coaches get really racist for no good reason

floyd: "You know who wins if you die? The n*****s, that's who!"

dn: so he trudges back to the farmhouse

dn: and Andrea, the horrible blonde, is on WALKER watch

floyd: for some reason

dn: she spots him and a bunch of guys goes to see what's up

floyd: somebody finally let her get her hands on a gun

floyd: a sniper rifle, no less

floyd: and the guys are like "don't shoot, we got this"

dn: and she's like, "GIRL POWER!"

floyd: god she's terrible

dn: she tries to shoot the "Walker"

dn: with her first ever shot from a sniper rifle, and possibly any gun

floyd: but it's Daryl!

floyd: from like 100 yards, too

floyd: in direct disobedience of the armed men that were going to kill the single zombie

floyd: also, given the way this show has gone so far, and given what little Carl had surgery for, what, two days ago?

floyd: she goes ahead and takes the shot that easily could have hit one of the confirmed humans

floyd: this all makes sense, because this is something a person would do in this crazy situation, right?

dn: i noticed when I saw part of a rerun

dn: that she was also shooting into the sun

dn: which is partially why she didn't recognize it as the redneck

dn: and adds another degree of difficulty to the sniper shot

floyd: it's why she only nicked him

dn: still a hell of a shot, really

floyd: an incredible shot

floyd: an unnecessary, extremely dangerous and careless, incredible shot

floyd: really, doing something like this would get a person exiled among responsible humans

floyd: but with Andrea, they're just like "shake it off, we all make mistakes"

dn: if she left, there would only be 2 or 3 people left to constantly nag

dn: the other part of this episode worth mentioning

dn: so Short Round is on the porch when the farmer's daughter, Maggie, comes by

dn: and he says, "I still have 11 condoms left."

dn: pick up line of the decade?

floyd: haha

floyd: Glen sucks

floyd: worst comeback ever? "I don't even know if I like you yet"

floyd: "I'm sorry, did you hear I had 11 wedding rings? Because that's not what I said. I said I had 11 condoms. You know, for fucking."

dn: the worst part of that pick up line

dn: is that it worked, because she later slipped him a note

dn: asking where they should meet that night

dn: she chose to pass the note during dinner

dn: when everyone was in the same room

dn: rather than any other time, when it's easy to communicate secretly

floyd: these are decisions that rational people would make

floyd: not characters that exist solely as plot drivers

dn: as if to make your point, she waits until much later to read his written response

dn: "ever done it in a hayloft?"

floyd: just to recap

floyd: she passed him a note

floyd: during dinner

floyd: so important it couldn't wait

floyd: asking where he wanted to have secret, taboo sex again

floyd: that night!

floyd: and then she waits what appears to have been at least an hour to two to read the response


dn: so she RUNS to the barn

dn: only to see she's too late

dn: Glen has already discovered that WALKERS are kept in the barn

floyd: I realize we're almost done, but this part really, really bugged me

floyd: even though it wasn't surprising at all

floyd: I mean, we knew there was something going on at this weird farm, and it was pretty much directly alluded to when Hershel talked about how he thought he could cure the disease

floyd: but how the fuck are there like 20 zombies being kept in a barn that nobody can detect?

floyd: they don't smell?

dn: maybe the pile manure around the barn to mask the scent of undead flesh

floyd: they don't make noises, or start banging on the doors when they hear people running around shooting each other outside, or dragging zombies out of wells

floyd: I mean, crap, Lori alone has shrieked enough to get those zombies all riled up to start banging on the doors

floyd: like they do at the end of the episode

floyd: and where is this goddam little girl?

floyd: ugh, can they just find Sophia already???

dn: apparently not

dn: they're going to sit and tread water all season

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