Saturday, February 11, 2012

The Walking Dumb - Season 2 Resumes

Seven episodes of season 2 have aired, and the final 6 begin this Sunday. Everybody spent all of season 2 looking for the missing little girl Sophia, and it turns out she was a zombie locked in barn on the farm they were staying at the whole time. That old trope. The Asian Dale and the farmer’s daughter are in love. Shane and Andrea are in LUST. Grime’s wife is pregnant. The farmer wants the group to leave. Grimes doesn’t want to leave. WHAT? WILL? HAPPEN? NEXT???

Over/under on number of zombies we see this season? 10? How many Carl Faces? 10?
(via Videogum, home of the world's greatest Walking Dead commentary)

Hmm. I’ll guess they will kill one or two per episode until the finale, when 4 will be killed. I guess I’m taking the over.

What are you hoping will happen in these next 6? We have really only seen zombie problems for them. I’d like to see other apocalypse issues arise, like lack of food, supplies, and bad weather. I hope that winter will come and it will get all Valley Forge on them, even though they’re in a relatively warm Georgia climate. Wikipedia tells me that Atlanta experiences the low 30’s during winter months, so that would be bad enough to get the group out of stupid tents and into some real shelter.

I think I'll split it into two categories: A. What I would like to see happen, and B. What I think will happen

A. I'd like for Sad, Useless Mom, Andrea, T-Dogg, Asian guy, Rick's wife and Carl to be immediately killed off by a rogue pack of zombies. This should take about five minutes or so. Then Hershel freaks out and tries to kill the survivors. Shane gets crazy-eyed and kills Hershel with a saw or something, then cries or something over dead Andrea and Rick's wife, then tries to rape Farm Girl, who blows his brains out or something. (Also, anybody not named died in the initial zombie attack.)

So now we're left with Rick, Old Guy, Farm Girl and I think that's it.

Then in the second episode, the farmhouse is swarmed by zombies and kill Rick, Old Guy and Farm Girl. Fade to black, roll credits.

B. The episode will start with some kind of stupid flashback that won't be referenced again. The first 40 minutes or so of the first episode will be people anguishing over Sophia and other dead zombies. Carl will ask where Sophia went, and Rick and wife will tell him she went to live on a different farm or something. The last ten minutes, Hershel will get angry and try to make everybody else leave the farm. Rick will say they have to find something somewhere else, probably another military base or something like that. Supplies are still abundant. There will no live zombies in this episode, except for maybe in the flashback.

Here’s what I think will happen in the 6 episodes:

1. Hershel will argue with Grimes and company for 40 minutes, then decide to let them stay. He will order the fattest calf to be slaughtered, open his cellar’s finest wines and canned vegetables, and host a huge feast. Everyone has a nice time at the special dinner. After Hershel finishes the post-meal prayer, red lights on the ceiling start to flash, and a robotic female voice comes over the house PA: “Self destruct sequence initiated. 3 minutes remaining.” For the next 15 minutes (because of how goddamn slow this show is) everyone will freak out. Shane will try to rape somebody so he can “go out in style”. Everyone except Hershel and his family, who he has chained to a radiator, will escape the house JUST RIGHT AS it blows up, and they’ll do that cool jump while it explodes at their backs.

2. Zombies have been attracted by the explosion setting off another one of the farm’s secrets: another secret barn filled with homemade fireworks. Old guy in the fisherman’s hat makes a joke to the Asian guy about fireworks. Two zombies are killed as the group makes a getaway. For the final 50 minutes, Asian guy ruminates on his lost love. Shane tries to rape him.

3. The first 10 minutes are a flashback of Shane’s high school conquests. CUT TO: Shane was just daydreaming. The next 50 minutes are Shane wandering the fields of rural Georgia scavenging for a deer to eat and/or rape.

4. We finally see T-Dogg in this episode. He’s getting a glass of water before going to sleep. Then he goes to sleep. The group continues to move in a certain direction, having lame conversations along the way.

5. The group arrives at somewhere and things don’t go smoothly! At the very end, there’s hope!

6. The hope evaporates. Grime’s wife has a very graphic miscarriage, but they are able to use the dead fetus to distract the zombies and escape from whatever bad situation they were in. They posthumously name the heroic baby “Shane”, for no good reason. Grimes talks about moving on to another location where there just MIGHT be safety for everyone. Shane says no. They argue for 45 minutes and the group decides to split in two. Each pile into two different vehicles, but when they turn the keys neither will start. Shane looks right at the camera and says “OH BROTHER!” and Grimes wryly smiles like “THAT’S MURPHY’S LAW FOR YA” and Carl throws up and cries.

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