Paul Week Part 3 - What You Like

A while back, when Dick and Barry and I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like, Barry proposed the idea of a questionnaire for prospective partners, a two- or three-page multiple-choice document that covered all the music/film/TV/book bases. It was intended a) to dispense with awkward conversation, and b) to prevent a chap from leaping into bed with someone who might, at a later date, turn out to have every Julio Iglesias record ever made. It amused us at the time, although Barry, being Barry, went one stage further: he compiled the questionnaire and presented it to some poor woman he was interested in, and she hit him with it. But there was an important and essential truth contained in this idea, and the truth was that these things matter, and it's no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently, or if your favorite films wouldn't even speak to each other if they met at a party.

--Nick Hornby, High Fidelity

Paul wrote on 02/02/2006 10:43:15 AM:

i liked the list of possible phil songs on your website. this is a resource that will probably never be fully utilized, and that's a sad situation. instead, we will have to keep putting up with nickelback, scott stapp, and whatever other talentless hacks are out there. has current music gotten this bad or i am just starting to show my age? the only current bands that i even listen to regularly are queens of the stone age (which have strangely begun to dominate my music listening) and HIM.

on a sidenote, i've been dating this girl for like 2 months, and i get the impression that her music capabilities are somewhat limited. she listens to your usual pop-like music and country (God help me!). i have a feeling that her knowledge of classic rock up through [the music of] the mid-90s (when music left me behind) is lacking.

so, i was thinking of giving her a crash course in music. i would give her 2-3 cd's "vital" cd's every week to listen to. then, on the weekend, i would randomly select songs from these cd's, and she would have to correctly identify the artist/album and maybe the song title. in your opinion, do you see a girl going for this idea or does this have disaster written all over it? and i still have no idea why it's so important to me that a girlfriend or whoever have an appreciation for lou reed and the clash...

...here is what I've come up with as far as deciding which music gets introduced at what point. I thought about starting with my favorites, but then I realized not everyone has the exact same music tastes (obviously). So, chronological order is about the best way I could come up with to "build this house of rock". Below is a tentative syllabus:

Weeks 1-3 = "The Foundation": composed of the Rolling Stones, the Who, Zeppelin, the Beatles, the Doors, Hendrix, Cream, the Yardbirds, etc. It was difficult to decide what era to cut this off at, but I figured the mid to late 1960s seemed about right.

Weeks 4 = the 70s (Classic Rock): Here I would want to build upon all the legendary acts covered in weeks 1-3. Maybe introduce bands that aren't in the Parthenon of rock. I was thinking along the lines of Bad Company, Thin Lizzy, Bob Seger, etc.

Week 5 = Singer/Songwriters: This week we strip down to acoustic guitars for the sounds of Cat Stevens, James Taylor, etc. After 4 straight weeks of rock, there's going to need to be a break.

Week 6 = Punk: We went soft for a week, now it's time to crank it back up with Iggy Pop, the Clash, the Ramones, and the Sex Pistols.

Week 7 = The Transition: This week would really only cover four bands that I feel form a bridge between the 70s and 80s metal scenes, Aerosmith, Van Halen, AC/DC, and KISS. In my opinion, most if not all bands from the 80s emulated some or all of these in some fashion.

Week 8 = 80s Metal: I think you know what you're getting here: GNR, the Crue, Def Leppard, Ratt, etc. It would be a week of living on the Sunset Strip.

Week 9 = The Synthesizer: You would have to devote a list to the instrument that dominated pop music for nearly a decade. Besides, if I'm doing this course, you better believe Gary Numan and Co. will have their week.

Week 10 = Grunge: I don't even like that term, but I couldn't come up with a better one. Here, you get the essentials: Nirvana, AIC, Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, etc. No better way to end than this.

That's it, finally. A 10 week crash course of rock. I know I left out bands and scenes, some of which I really like, including a real metal section. But, this course is intended for a girl you're dating, not Lemmy.

pr

Paul poses two questions. First, is it a good idea to put a significant other through a music relearning program? Second, what is the ideal music relearning program?

To answer question #1, Paul, it's a terrible idea. Really, really bad. "No condom in Haiti" bad. I have dated those who shared my taste in music as well as those who did not. While those women didn't have similar musical preferences, they all agreed on one thing - I shouldn't make them feel inferior because they didn't know the significance of "Freebird" or they couldn't tell Aimee Mann from Charles Mann.

You know how guys are supposed to love girls that are into sports? Like, if you put two identical twins next to each other, and one of them was a die-hard NFL fan and the other one only watches ice skating, the average male is supposed to like the football fan more? I always thought that was bullshit. I don't want some broad sitting next to me on the couch during the Super Bowl, complaining about a play call, second-guessing the coach. I don't want her to wear the football pants in our relationship. I want her to know what football is, the general rules of play, a couple of the star players, and how to make killer nacho dip to eat during the game. This way, I get to be the smarter, manlier, more well-fed person in the relationship.

Doesn't the same concept hold with music? Do you really want to date someone that has more knowledge of music than you? For God's sake, Paul, you're the only guy I've ever met that had a (framed?) poster of Motley Crue's "Girls Girls Girls" in your living room.

And if we're agreed that you don't want to be with some musical know-it-all, we should also agree that it's OK to be with the musically uninformed.

Certainly, there must be a tipping point somewhere. Where do we draw the line between "tragically uninformed", "inexcusably ignorant", and just plain "terrible taste in music"? It's a subjective decision that you must make, my friend. Personally, I would prefer a girlfriend with the same taste - that's obvious. But even more important than their car's programmed radio stations is how they react to my passion for music. If I make her a mix CD, is she going to listen to it? Is she open to sampling new bands? Going to concerts? A great attitude can counterbalance any horrible album collection. (At least, that's what I tell myself.)

As for question #2, I'll leave that to Tornado Slide's faithful readers and rockers. I think your school of rock teaching plan is solid, but it might have to be pared down. Asking her to rock with The Rolling Stones for a few days is reasonable, but the follow-up punch of Thin Lizzy seems like overkill. And if it seems like overkill to me, you can bet your ass that your lady will feel overwhelmed, and possibly wish you harm.

Rock hard, and tread lightly.