Quotes - Part Four - Wrap Up

So, what have we learned? Probably, not much. But it was fun.

A few I forgot, and a few solicited quotes...

There's this sketch, "Taco Mail", performed by The State:



I like to adjust Michael Ian Black's line, "I love the ________. They're probably the best ________ I've ever had," before suggesting someone change his / her behavior / product.

There's also a Simpsons quote I neglected. It's from the episode when Lisa created her own doll, and Mr. Smithers had to turn on his computer to get the real-life Malibu Stacy's contact information. As his computer booted, there was a provacative image of Mr. Burns on the screen that robotically said, "Hello Smithers, you're quite good at turning me on." Smithers then told Lisa, "Um... You should probably ignore that."

I remember the last time I used this quote. I was in a room with a bunch of scientists -- people I didn't know well, professionals from out-of-state. I had been using my work-assigned laptop, but gave up on it due to its general crapiness. I turned on my personal laptop to do some PowerPointing, forgetting the sound that played during the Windows sign-on was inappropriate. Specifically, it was Michael Ian Black's character, Captain Monterey Jack, screaming, "What if my pants fall off and everybody's looking at my weiner?" Good times.

When asked for the quotes he uses regularly, Jeff said:

1) "You're my boy, Blue!" (Old School)

pretty much works for any show of support.

2) "I am a sexy bitch!" (Austin Powers)

i say this as i am primping myself, typically if someone else is around, and esp. if they are giving me a hard time for taking too long.

3) "Your brain...has the...shell on it..."

this is my go-to line any time i get stuck during a bout of good-natured ribbing.

actually, Tommy Boy is a gold mine of one-liners for everyday occurrences, including, but not limited to:

"What'd you do?"
"It doesn't hurt so much here...or here...but right here..."
"Brothers don't shake hands...brothers gotta hug!"
"Are you talking?"
"I was checking the specs on the endline...for the rotary girder...i'm retarded."

4) occasionally, the opportunity presents itself to gain someone's favor and i can whip out, "I caught you a delicious bass." this might be a stretch for everyday scenarios. and it usually confuses people, especially if they haven't seen Napoleon Dynamite. and usually even if they have. if only i hung out with people who actually got these references...i'd probably be the hilarious guy instead of the weird guy...or maybe i'd just be the derivative guy who can't be funny on his own. i'm going to stop typing now.

Jeff also pointed out two "golf-related ones that are pretty versatile", "Get there..." (Swingers) and "Go to your home...are you too good for your home?" (Happy Gilmore).

Bobbo went hog-wild:

Tombstone
This is fortuitous. That means lucky.
I have not yet begun to defile myself.
You're a daisy if you do.
I'm your huckleberry.

Anchorman
That really escalated quickly.
It's science.
Drink it in...it always goes down smooth.

Billy Madison

What day is it? October?

I made 'em extra sloppy for yous. I know how yous kids like 'em sloppy. (used after making a slop shot in pool or basketball)

what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. (Particularly useful in law school.)

Well I could think of three things I'd like to do. One would involve some ice cubes and a nine iron. Two would involve a buffalo, live or stuffed, preferably stuffed for safety sake, and three, we bring back some of those ice cubes and switch it over to a pitching wedge. (said in response when one is asked "What do you want to do?)

T-T-T-TODAY JUNIOR!

Dumb and Dumber

(complete subset, maybe better to just go with the entire script here, since I'm pretty sure I've used every line from the movie in conversation at some point or another):

The first time I set eyes on [blank], I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.

Just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!

Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.

That John Denver's full of shit, man.

Austria! Well, then. G'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!

Well suck me sideways!

So you're telling me there's a chance!

Nice set of hooters you got there!

Kick his ass, Sea Bass! (always a favorite when Matt Siebrandt was playing for KSU)

You fellas been doing a bit of boozing, have you? Suckin back on grandpa's old cough medicine? (When someone appears drunk.)

I get 70 miles to the gallon on this hog.

We're really doing it!

Super Troopers

Gimme a liter o' cola.

I swear to God I'm going to pistol whip the next guy who says, " Shenanigans." (Always has to be said when someone sees or uses the word "shenanigans.")

You boys like Mex-i-co? Woo-hoo.

I am all that is man.

Littering and... littering and... smokin' the reefer.

You gonna set my country music award on fire? (Usually used when responding to the question, "do you understand what I'm saying?")

Phil also chimed in with a few. You have to feel for Phil sometimes, because you know he whips some of these out and is faced with blank stares:

Another great Austin Powers line that I use a lot is, "I get it. I have bad teeth" or "You have 17, sir."

Anchorman is always good:
"I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm kind of a big deal"
"He really ripped the lid of it" - From the seconds movie, "The Legend of Ron Burgundy"

A little more obscure but I frequently use Sifl N' Olly lines. Some of the more choice ones are:

"I'm so curious about knowledge and obtaining knowledge" (When Olly has laser eyes and sings a song about it.)

"I've got two words for you. Double-A. They're getting all the work right now." (When a robot guest hosts for Sifl, they interview a 9-volt battery. This is the
battery's response to "What advice do you have for those of us that want to become batteries?")