Text Time

My SIM card is getting full, and I need to do some deleting to free up memory. You know what that means -- it's time to post humorous text messages I've received in the past 6 months!

I'd like to give you a good reason why I archive my text messages, but I don't know if I can do that. These are the ones that I couldn't justify deleting until now. Kudos to Matt for all his hilarious contributions, especially the few toward the bottom -- those roused me from a deep slumber, but the payoff was worth it:

Matt
1/26/06 5:35 pm
At DFW: HOTTEST GIRL EVER!!!

Shawn
1/28/06 12:25 am
God, Alf loved eating pussy!

Matt
2/6/06 11:54 pm
I love Delilah. She makes life worth living.

Matt
2/18/06 12:54 am
True. Last weekend she called me and said she wanted to cuddle and that she loved me.

Jack Serpentine
2/21/06 5:31 pm
Check it. We like Moesha

Matt
2/25/06 7:51 pm
Hi Dan. Um I got drunk last night and I may have put a jihad on your ass. Sorry.

Jack Serpentine
3/12/06 4:18 pm
I incited a slave rebellion for you.

Floyd
3/13/06 10:40 am
Fauria signs with Redskins

Matt
4/3/06 3:56 pm
Brokeback Mountain pre party tonight my place.

Matt
4/5/06 11:16 pm
Tori Spelling is the dumbest cunt ever

Matt
4/27/06 11:05 pm
When am I not? Hey do you want to finger me for a little bit?

Matt
4/27/06 11:25 pm
What if god was one of us?

Jeff
5/1/06 9:26 pm
this papi looks a lot like some guy who used 2 suck it 4 the twins

Corinne
5/2/06 9:10 pm
Bonertime!

Matt
5/3/06 3:12 pm
God you looked sexy last weekend. Thanks for the super bj.

Shawn
5/7/06 12:00 am
And yet you're too good to polish the candlesticks?

Shawn
5/17/06 1:05 pm
The loss to science!
The loss to science!

Matt
5/24/06 8:00 am
Old Navy sells fucking jean shorts.

Matt
5/24/06 11:37 am
Your greasy boner is welcome anywhere in on or near the vicinity of my masticators

Jack Serpentine
5/25/06 3:28 pm
He sliced her from ear to ear

Corinne
6/14/06 12:16 pm
Boner jams 03

Matt
6/20/06 12:48 am
Mountain laurel

Matt
6/20/06 12:50 am
Rhododendron

Matt
6/20/06 12:50 am
Rainbow trout

Matt
6/20/06 12:51 am
What do those three things have in common?

Matt
6/20/06 1:01 am
fine. I will tell you. They are all the little phrases on the bed spread in my motel room. I can't believe you didn't get that.

Matt
6/21/06 6:20 pm
i would like to jerk off all over mother nature's face.