A Tale Of No Kitties

Garfield Minus Garfield describes itself thusly:

Who would have guessed that when you remove Garfield from the Garfield comic strips, the result is an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolor disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life? Friends, meet Jon Arbuckle. Let’s laugh and learn with him on a journey deep into the tortured mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against lonliness and methamphetamine addiction in a quiet American suburb.

Lest you believe you can ignore this experiment, observe:



It even has an RSS feed. If that doesn't mean anything to you, allow Nick to explain.

Why I Laughed And Spilled Tea On Myself Yesterday

23 Years After the Fact, Phil Collins Can Fuck Off.

My wife and I were sitting around a few weeks ago, and she started rattling off Phil Collins/Genesis song titles and made the proclamation that, "He just made up stupid words and turned 'em into songs." Hard to argue there. First came ABACAB (don't really care if it is about some chord progression), it sounds like the town derelict trying to describe why he sometimes resorts to violence when resisting state-mandated baths. Then there's the 1985 gem SUSSUDIO. Kiss my ass, Phil.

Found this nugget when I was "surfing" the internet:

"...so 'sussudio' became a name for this person, and since it's become a name for a horse. My older daughter's got a horse called Sussudio, and I'm sure there are children all over the world with the name Sussudio, so I apologize for that." --P.C.

If there is one child on the planet named Sussudio, I'd be really, really surprised. Let's not overstate our importance. Still, I'd rather be waterboarded with zebra urine than listen to a minute of anything in the Mike + the Mechanics catalog.

Stop The Ad-ness

Those who advertise, but shouldn't:

Dairy Organizations

The "Got Milk?" campaign has been going strong since 1993, one of the most recognizable advertising slogans in the country. As a direct result, thousands of Americans stopped dunking chocolate chip cookies into soy milk, and hundreds more ceased pouring water over corn flakes.

Coca-Cola

If people use your product's brand name as the default for all similar products, you're in good shape. (See also: Kleenex brand facial tissue.) The animated polar bear commercials aren't winning the cola war -- you've already won.

The United States Postal Service

I already know you are an option. The mailbox in front of every house in America kind of gave it away.

Finally, The Video

Text to come, including some pieces written by Matt. Until then...

Lawrence, Kansas

After a splendid 10-hour flight from Santiago, we found our flight to Kansas City canceled due to snow. We took an afternoon flight to Wichita, rented a car, and drove the 2.5 hours to my home.

As soon as my luggage arrives at my home, I will post more photos and videos.

Santiago, Chile

Greetings from the Holiday Inn Express! We were supposed to go kayaking today with a guy named Martin, but we couldn't make sense of his bullshit directions, so we weren't able to meet up with him. It's just as well, because later in the day he sent and email saying that he had forgotten about the appointment. If you ever meet a guy named Martin from Chile, please assume it's the same guy, and promptly beat his face with a lead pipe (or similar hard, cylindrical object).

Or return flight leaves at 11:25 p.m. tomorrow, which means we have to scrounge for another day's activities tomorrow. Bowling, maybe. Santiago style.

I tried to upload the waterfall video, but it's way big and it's not going to happen. Here is a photo from today's adventure to the top of Cerro San Cristobal via whatever these thingys are called.

Iguazu - Day 3

After waiting out the rain, Matt and I again ventured over to the waterfalls. We split up to enjoy different trails. It took several calls to the hotel, an inquiry to the local police, and a park ranger's search to reunite us.

It is a long story, but know this: neither of us was ever in any sort of danger. The same hotel clerk that told us a distant, nonexistant restaurant was still operational and "two kilometers away" mistakenly told Matt I was in the hotel, when I was actually in the park. The man should be barred from attempting any more English with the guests.

Tomorrow is almost entirely spent in transit. Two flights and a bus ride should put us in Valparaiso by nightfall. Until then...

Iguazu, Day 2

We explored the park a bit on day 1, then ate a buffet at the restaurant. If you ever get the chance to drink a Latitud 33 Malbec while eating some bomb-ass chocolate cake, I recommend you do so.

This is where I would post a really sweet video of today's adventures if this 5-star hotel´s computers weren´t stripped of every input drive.

Today was the best day so far, even though we spent an hour or so walking around Iguazu National Park in the pouring rain. Things eventually dried out, and so did we.

The video I would have embedded is of "Gargantua del Diablo", the park's main attraction. If you are curious, search for it on Flickr and you'll get results like this.

Matt and I are still getting along well despite being together for a week -- living proof that well-timed jokes about masturbation never get old.

We may try to venture into the little town for dinner tonight. Another full day in the park tomorrow...

Iguazu Falls, Argentina

Walking outside the Iguazu airport, Matt noticed a large billboard advertising the 5-star grandeur of Hotel Cataratas. "Huh. That's our hotel," he laughed.

He didn't realize it was a 5-star when he booked online. But we're here, and it is, and that's nice.

Buenos Aires, Argentina

It has been a wonderful few days in BA, spent walking all over downtown and even a bit in outer neighborhoods. Our hotel is also bueno.

I have spent our afternoon siesta time uploading photos (and clearing space on my camera's memory card). You can view them on my Flickr page and on a Google web album. Some of the photos even have descriptive titles and tags, because I care.

Tomorrow morning we leave for Iguazu Falls. We aren't sure how rustic it will be, so internet access is an unknown. You may not hear from me until Chile.

All my love,

Montevideo, Uruguay

We are alive. Very much so, in Montevideo.

We have a nice room in a residential area, Carrasco, which is right across the street from the ocean, which is also nice.

Everything is much nicer than the international flight. I salute all of my friends who never complained to me about such a flight - you are better people than I. Neither of us got much sleep, which meant we went to bed early last night (with the assistance of a bottle of Uruguayan cabernet), which was OK because our hotel didn´t get the Super Bowl anyway, which is OK because I haven´t had to see or read anything about how awesome the New York Giants are.

Running jokes so far:

--The locals consider Matt "El Diablo" because of his large red birthmark.

--I have bet Matt that we will not hear a song by the B-52s for the entire trip -- he thinks otherwise.



I´m having some issues with the internet connection and USB 1.1, so I can´t post to Flickr just yet. There aren´t many photos to show yet anyway. Here´s the view from our hotel.


We will be in Buenos Aires tomorrow.

Thanks to everyone for the well-wishing. Until next time...