Wednesday, August 05, 2009

NYC Perp

I forgot to mention one episode from the NYC trip.

While Kim amused herself in Macy's, I went to the in-store Starbucks to wet my whistle. I ordered an orange-mango-banana smoothie, paid, and stood with the rest of the cattle at the end of the counter, waiting for my drink.

When an employee called out "Orange Mango Smoothie!" and set the drink on the counter, I took a step forward and reached out my hand. A moment slow, the slight, pale girl to my left grabbed the smoothie first. I opened my mouth to speak, but didn't really want to bicker over who ordered their smoothie first -- plus, she was already on her way toward the down escalator.

I waited a few more minutes alone at the counter. Of course, as you've guessed by now, my smoothie had been stolen, and the confused employees were working on what I'm sure was a Starbucks-record SECOND orange-mango-banana smoothie ordered during that 24-hour period.

Miss, I don't know who you are or where you came from, but you sure didn't look like an unfortunate soul in need of her first and only refreshment of the day. You looked like a well-to-do youth like myself, who could easily afford to buy a dozen smoothies on a whim. You didn't want to wait to buy yourself a drink, so you took the first cup of potable slop that you saw. I wearily respect your disregard for Corporate America and social order. I am vaguely jealous of your life of casual theft.

But make no mistake, Miss, I hate you. I was so fucking thirsty.


Floyd said...

She probably eyed you as a meek country yokel the moment you walked in. Next time try growing a pair and grabbing your fucking smoothie. Man, this city ate you up.

Alison said...

Orange-mango-banana smoothie? From Starbucks? Dude, that chick was doing you a favor.