Monday, March 20, 2017

March Madness Fantasy 2017 - Round of 32

Two more days of basketball have elapsed, sands through the hourglass, more of our lives taken from us, a death by a thousand cuts. It really makes you question... who were the top seven studs and duds from the second round of the 2017 NCAA Division I Men's Basketball Tournament?


1 James 6 54 Trevon Bluiett Xavier 11 55.0
2 Gav 8 72 Miles Bridges Michigan St 9 48.5
3 Shawn 5 43 Jacorey Williams Middle Tenn 12 44.5
4 Stu 5 46 Bryant McIntosh Northwestern 8 43.0
5 Gav 5 49 Ethan Happ Wisconsin 8 39.5
6 Brian 3 21 Caleb Swanigan Purdue 4 38.0
7 Jake 3 28 Bonzie Colson Notre Dame 5 36.0

You can do it, put your Bluiett to it! (Rhyming "it" with "it" was one of Ice Cube's greatest lyrical feats.) Gav, Shawn, Stu, and Jake also got nice performances from their players' swan song.


1 Chris 4 36 Hassan Martin Rhode Island 11 0.5
2 Stu 8 75 Carlton Bragg Kansas 1 1.0
3 Dan 4 31 Quentin Snider Louisville 2 3.0
4 Gav 7 69 Jo Lual-Acuil Jr. Baylor 3 5.0
5 James 3 27 Mikal Bridges Villanova 1 6.0
6 Shawn 4 38 Isaiah Briscoe Kentucky 2 8.0
7 James 8 74 Giddy Potts Middle Tenn 12 8.0

Holy moly, look at all these jerks! I double-checked to be sure, and these sucks really did suck this much! Martin and Snider were each responsible for their team failing to advance. Carlton Bragg is Carlton Bragg. The Baylor tall dude only attempted three shots.

And despite the poor outing from the Rhode Island Ram, Chris has claimed the seat of the catbirds.

He's got 7 student-athletes left, and is seated on the seat despite getting only 23 points TOTAL from his second-round pick of UNC's Joel Berry II. Remember how I joked about Frankenberry last round? Hilarious. His biggest point totals have been generated by his seven-seed stars from Michigan and South Carolina. Improbable!

Jake fell to fourth place, and has only three men remaining. Conner Frankamp, yikes. Jake got 17.5 points out of that loser, who played TWO games with the BONUS MULTIPLIER. The best thing about Frankamp this year was him inspiring that Frankenberry joke from the last round. God, that was so funny.

Here's a look at how the owned players are doing:

And here's a look at the worst performances of the tourney. This shows every player we drafted or were likely to draft (a top two or three scorer from their team). Joel Berry II is the 150th ranked player out of 179. Jake has two of these bottom-feeders, and that's not going to get it done in March, friend. Canyon Barry isn't lighting it up, but he's still alive, and he's not the worst pick of the draft by any means. That dishonor likely belongs to Shawn for drafting Villanova's Kris Jenkins in the second round. Drafting the hero of last year's championship team that returned 3/5 of its staring lineup and earned the #1 overall seed? WHAT AN IDIOT!


150Chris216Joel Berry IINorth Carolina1123
151Shawn218Kris JenkinsVillanova1123
00Zach LoftonTexas Southern16123
00Wesley PersonTroy15122.5
00Josh PerkinsGonzaga1122
00Kyron CartwrightProvidence11121.5
00Jaylen JohnsonLouisville2121
00Justin TillmanVCU10120.5
158Luke877Canyon BarryFlorida4120
00Demontrae JeffersonTexas Southern16120
00Christavious GillNew Orleans16119.5
00KeVaughn AllenFlorida4119
00Justin JacksonMaryland6118
00C.J. BryceUNCW12118
00Darral Willis Jr.Wichita St10117.5
165Jake873Conner FrankampWichita St10117.5
00Marcus FosterCreighton6117
167Jake548Melo TrimbleMaryland6117
00Kendall PollardDayton7117
00Justin PattonCreighton6116
00Reed TellinghuisenSouth Dakota St16115.5
00Devon HallVirginia5115
00Demetris MorantFlorida Gulf Coast14115
00Jeff RobersonVanderbilt9114
174Stu875Carlton BraggKansas1112
00Charles CookeDayton7112
176Bob879Ben MooreSMU6110
00Desonta BradfordE Tenn St13110
178Gav652Nate MasonMinnesota519
00Rickey McGillIona1413

So, who can catch Chris? Luke and myself have the most remaining players, but have the most ground to make up.

CHRIS NEEDS Gonzaga to advance. If his lesser-seeded stars from Florida, Michigan, and South Carolina lose, he'd be best served by an Oregon vs Gonzaga final. KU wins may or may not be good for him, since Lucas may not put up big stats while Mason and Jackson do.

STU NEEDS Purdue to upset KU, and to meet UNC in the Final Four. He really only has 3 active players, since his fourth active player is Carlton Bragg. It's kind of like how George Martin was the fifth Beatle, but he really wasn't a Beatle at all.

BRIAN NEEDS to come to grips with the fact he is completely screwed. KU's Mason will knock out Purdue's Swanigan, or vice versa. And his Gonzaga guy is cancelled out by Chris' Zag. Still, with enough injuries or plane crashes, I suppose Mason could take him to titletown.

JAKE NEEDS Arizona, Kentucky, and KU to reach the Final Four, and his guys on those teams to score very many points.

JAMES NEEDS Xavier to win at least one or two more games, preferably every game. And Kentucky to win on the other side of the bracket.

GAV NEEDS Gonzaga, UNC, and Wisconsin in the Final Four, Wisconsin being the most important for Happ's bonus points.

SHAWN NEEDS Arizona to meet KU in the final. His WV and Kentucky players are more of role players that won't pile up a ton of points.

BOB NEEDS Butler to win big, and also be transferred to another region, and also for UCLA and Kentucky to be split up into other regions. Or, for Independence Day aliens to hover over KC, NYC, and San Jose before unleashing their destruction beam, leaving only the South region players unscathed.

DAN NEEDS Arizona (I've got the PG and the weird Euro forward) to meet UCLA or Oregon in the final. My UNC guy is probably better off eliminated, since UNC also helps Gav, Chris, and Stu.

LUKE NEEDS Baylor to best Canyon Barry and reach the Final Four, beat West Virginia, and attend the championship vs UCLA. UCLA vs KU on the other side of the bracket could be very nice, if his guys have very nice games.

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