Shady Beach 5.1

Poor job by me on the previous post. I failed to mention several trip highlights.

1.

Kim, Gav, and I were the first to arrive at the campground. As we used the phone book I always keep in my trunk to start the campfire, we suffered through an entire Nickelback CD, courtesy of adjacent rednecks. Part of that same crew would wake us up late that night with screams of "WHY DON'T YOU HELP ME FIND MY FUCKING INHALER?!", etc.

2.

A bull carcass, half submerged, was stuck in the Elk River opposite a popular sandbar. No one noticed it at first, as it blended in well with the rocky shore. Just one example of the animal and human waste that ends up in that river.

3.

Saturday, among other things, I consumed:

two small cans of spicy V8
half a bag of Oberto Southern BBQ flavored beef jerky
4 Ball Park hot dogs
a third of a bag of garden salsa flavored Sun Chips

The total % daily sodium amount of those items:

40%
20% (estimated, thanks for nothing, Oberto website)
92%
28%

So that's 180% of my daily sodium. Add some other snacks, and the ? beers I consumed, and you know why Shady Beach is best experienced only once per year.

Shady Beach 5: Shady Beach Salvation

Saturday was my fifth consecutive Memorial Day weekend at Shady Beach in southwest Missourah. If you click the "Shady Beach" label at the bottom of this post, you can read about previous years' racism, nudity, homophobia, and various drunken exploits.

This year, the float trip had a different feel. The bus ride upstream was slow and steady rather than fast and terrifying. The people we met along the way -- the older couples distributing jello shots, the pale and skinny youth (who was apparently just released from the hospital) who sung the praises of his old pit bull/dachshund mutt -- were kind and strangely "normal".

In a disappointing flip of circumstance, the awful folks we have become accustomed to seeing near the Ozarks were not on the river. They were in our campground. Yelling. Cheering a passing truck with a rebel flag flying from the bed. Shouting, "WHY DON'T YOU HELP ME FIND MY FUCKING INHALER??!!" in the wee hours. I can't recall all the horrible conversations that kept me up at night. Perhaps they'll be noted in the comments.

But aside from our bad neighbors, the river was good to us. Brian was happy to be back at Shady Beach.

And happy to be enjoying Red Grape MD20/20.

But terribly disappointed in the Bush's baked beans.


Gav and Jessica were happy, too, as Gav gave his signature fist pump after a flawless first float.

But Jessica was less happy after sampling the MD.


Grant was loving life, even though his beer of choice was Keystone.

There before any of the cooking utensils arrived, we improvised a hot dog turner from a wire hanger that had sat in my trunk for the last 5 years, waiting for such a need to arise.

And we looked fantastic.


Our pale bodies were unscathed. No one in our group was sunburned. No one got sloppy, pass-out drunk. Rather, we all got fun, stumbly drunk. Like responsible, mature adults. Surrounded by assholes.

Work Week - Encore

Some press dropped in way back on a May 1 Casual Friday, and this is the first evidence I've seen.

[credit]

Have you ever seen someone handling paperwork with such DRIVE? Has anyone outside of fictional Agent Jack Bauer ever meant so much BUSINESS?

Flight Test

I haven't shaved since I fell ill. This toy has been resting next to the TV for some time, taunting me, so:

Air Wolf from chester reboulet on Vimeo.

The RC car I mentioned? It was okay. It could go forward in any direction, but you couldn't turn when moving in reverse. I always thought that was strange.



[Inspiration credit to Annie, whose rare videos are more entertaining and well edited. To wit: this one.]

Incidentally

I am #1 for "Snoopy Incident". I haven't been this proud since that Googler found me by searching for "I felt a nice penis slide into me".

No Work Week

I'm sick. I spent Monday and Tuesday underneath a blanket, watching:

Many, many commercials the FDA forced the makers of Yaz-brand birth control to broadcast.

Many commercials for the upside-down tomato plant thingamajig, which I refuse to mock, because I do love a fresh tomato.

An episode of Hogan's Heroes where the POWs foiled yet another Nazi plan for dominance.

The new Onion video

Pentagon Reports Army Mascot 'Liberty' Killed in Iraq


Every episode of Party Down available via Netflix's instant streaming. Recommended. I mean, I recommend Hogan's Heroes, too, and the episode of Bonanza I just sat through was fine, but you'd probably be more interested in Party Down.

Work Week - Working 'Til The Weekend

Tomorrow was going to be my first full day off since 4/19, but I'm going to spend a few hours with statistical analysis software. Then Saturday I'll be off for realz.

Myself and a billion other authors were credited in a new article.


Whatever poor sap(s) wrote the thing have to be pumped about their practically anonymous effort.