Columbian On-The-Nose Candy

I made arrangements to purchase the Columbia frames this morning. Glasses are expensive. Especially when you get the lenses and whatnot in there.

The eyeglasses lady recognized me as the guy that took pictures earlier in the week. As we completed our transaction, the Columbia's lay on a table, between us.

"I know these frames will look great on you, because you have delicate features," she said.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I didn't say. Delicate features? Is an Adam's apple that juts out 2 inches delicate? Is incredibly dense stubble delicate? Is a chin dimple delicate? Is it these soft brown eyes? Why do you have 6 earrings in one ear? What's that tattoo on your back? How old are you? How did you get this job? Are you turned on right now? Because I'm ready to rock this shit, lady. I am ready. When I come back here in a week, and we sit here again, and you lean over this table, and you look into these soft brown eyes as you perfect the frames' fit, we are going to have a bona fide moment. I am going to be turned on, and you... you are going to fucking freak out. Your knees will become weak, and you'll have to sit down, and then I'll be the one leaning in, my face hovering aside yours. The breathless anticipation will seem to go on forever, and you'll forget everything you knew about insurance reimbursement and UV lens coating and manufacturer's warranties. You'll see me in those Columbias, and you'll see a man that is marriage material. And then you'll mention something about your kid, the result of some fling with an aspiring singer-songwriter who sports a pair of Jhanes Barnes, and I'll lose interest, and you'll wonder if you can ever love again. You'll be horny the rest of the day, too.

I want to thank all of the people that took time to comment, email, and even call me to discuss my eyewear. It is comforting to know that you care enough to keep me looking presentable. A special thanks to all those that voice an opinion even though they're unlikely to ever see these glasses. (NOTE: This is not a reference to imminent suicide; I'm simply speaking geographically.)