Sunday, May 18, 2008

Bad Wrap

Wendy's, responding to the McDonald's Ranch Snack Wrap (which was probably a response to KFC's Crispy Twister... I must confess I don't keep track of fast food chronology as much as I should), has been heavily advertising their new Homestyle Chicken Go Wrap. All three items contain essentially the same ingredients. Wendy's product has:
"Our signature chicken breast fillet specially seasoned and lightly breaded. Plus crisp lettuce, cheddar cheese and a zesty ranch sauce all wrapped in a flour tortilla. Think of it as a wrappetizer."
Oh, okay. I'll think of it as a wrappetizer. Because you know what I don't think of it as? REAL FUCKING FOOD!!!

Where did this piece of shit come from, and why is it taking over our fast food eateries? NOBODY has EVER walked to the kitchen and thought, "Hey, I've got some chicken tenders in the frig. Why don't I fry those, then put 'em in a tortilla with, uh... some lettuce? And I'll throw some cheese and ranch dressing in there for good measure. That'll be some good eatin'! And I won't have to use any of this silverware I own!"

I am saddened. I am saddened that this food was created, and I am saddened that it apparently sells well enough to spread to three chains.

Listen up, America: you've got to stop combining random ingredients and calling it food. Moreover, you've got to stop pouring ranch dressing on your ghastly concoctions. And, if I could go so far as to issue a third piece of advice: just because it's called a "snack wrap" or a "wrappetizer" doesn't mean you can eat two. These things are about 350 calories each. I know, I know. I know it's weird, but just because you stuff your junk into a tortilla doesn't mean it's healthy. All it means is you could have eaten something between two pieces of delicious bread, and you blew it.


Anonymous said...

of all the things in the world to sadden you, this is what puts you over the edge? you're weird, but it makes for good reading...

Also, combining random ingredients and calling it food is my only hope for dinner...unless corinne leaves ted and decides to start cooking for me. hi-o

And finally, stuffing your junk into a tortilla is just gross.


Floyd said...

I like those wraps. I think they're mildly delicious, and they feel healthy, regardless of how much you health-niks may look down your nose at them. Sorry, Dan, we can't all eat noodles and raw greens every meal like you. Let me enjoy my wraps.

dn said...

Of course you like it. It's smothered in ranch dressing.

My problem is that they are advertising these as:

1.> Perfectly common items that were not only recently invented

2.> Snacks instead of an entree.