Wednesday, May 28, 2008

My Stolen Identity, Regained

So someone with little command of the English language tried to type his or her way to a $2500 payday. That makes sense.

Yahoo made things right, giving me control of the account again today. I've looked things over to see how badly Hacker McHacks screwed up my stuff.
MEMBER INFORMATION
Preferred Content: English - United Kingdom
Industry: Automotive
Occupation: Network Administrator
Specialisation: Computer: Database
Home Address: buckinghamshire nw15ee
Alternate Email 2: olawalench@yahoo.com
My archived emails were still there, arranged correctly in their folders. I checked the trash folder, and found several unopened messages had been sent there to die. How dare you, you Redcoat fuck? How dare you deprive me of "New Choices from Kaplan University"? What if I really needed to know "Coldplay's European/UK tour announced"? And what kind of a person doesn't have the common decency to alert Netflix as to "When did you mail "Upright Citizens Brigade: ASSSSCAT"?"? They're constantly working to improve the Netflix experience for their customers! Your participation in this survey helps them ensure that all Netflix customers receive the very best customer service possible!

I also had the chance to look at what some of my friends wrote in response to the hoax. Some assumed I sent it as a joke -- I'm not sure how to feel about my perceived sense of humor -- and some even fought back. I'd like to highlight the efforts of my friend cjv:
Thank you for your inquiry into the well being of my family. We are fine and have been fortunate to have avoided daredevil robbers. I am sorry for your thorough beating. Of course I will help you. Like all Americans I keep stacks of cash next to my computer for just this type of situation.

Sincerely,
cjv

hello
thanks for your reply and am so glad you care about my well being,i cant collect money with my name cos my passport is in the embassy for renewal, not to worry have spoken with the hotel manager and he has promised to help me here are his details below

JAMES AMOS
7 Ravens Way
London
SE12 8EY
question.....favourite colour
answer......white
i will be waiting to hear from you
Dn
Sorry, the daredevil robbers have broken in at my house and stolen my stacks of cash. They also beat me and shoved a corncob up my dog's ass, which at first seemed downright mean but later kind of excited me. My dog still cries when she takes a shit. Damn. Anyway, I am no longer able to help you, however I would gladly pay you for any erotic photos you could provide involving corncobs in asses, as this has become a new thing of mine. Unfortunately my wife took the cob out of my dog's ass before I could get a picture, otherwise I would not even have to trouble you like this. If you could please help by sending these photos I could ease the pain of having this massive hardon for corncobs in asses.

Sincerely,
cjv
Good stuff from cjv. Thanks, friend.

And if my British fans could look into that London address, I would be happy to finance a flaming-bag-of-poop-campaign against Mr. James Amos.

3 comments:

shawn said...

huzzah!

Gav said...

Bollocks!!!

Floyd said...

Bloody 'ell!