I think there is a reason why I prefer small-breasted strippers. All the dancing, the pole climbing, the gyrating - breasts, like penises, are not meant to be seen flopping about during periods of physical exertion.
I had plenty of time to consider that fact Saturday; I thought about it at the first strip club we visited, and I thought about it at the second.
It was Laura's last night as a server at The Flamingo Club, and she invited us to come by and celebrate the occasion. I thought we were being spoiled when she arranged for us to enter without paying the $10 cover. That thought was confirmed after the club closed, when we were headed to The Outhouse with her, a now-clothed stripper Rachel, and a 30 pack of Coors Light Laura took from the bar.
The case of beer was an important addition to the evening's second leg. The Outhouse is open until 4 a.m., but the liquor stores are not. It's an unfortunate truth, especially considering The Outhouse is a BYOB strip club.
The stripper was an equally important enhancement. It was exciting. I don't love strippers, but I do love the idea of hanging out with strippers. If that seems a little childish or piggish, you'll have to excuse me - I'm a goddamn scientist, and this is exactly the sort of excitement that is not commonly afforded to my kind. This was the first time I had spent time with a stripper that was not Phil's cousin, and I was confident it would not end as that evening had, because there weren't any bass players around for this stripper to fuck.
If The Flamingo is HBO, The Outhouse is MTV. It's small, it's crowded, it's loud, and the sex surrounds you. There's a dancer on the main stage, there's a dancer on the back stage, there's the creepy guy with the microphone, announcing, encouraging. Most overwhelming, there's a dozen half-naked girls milling around on the floor, straddling laps and earning money by the song.
I'm looking at a stripper, I think, in order:
She is (naked, nearly naked).
She is (desirable, not desirable).
Her breasts are (large, small, perky, saggy, round, pointy, etc.).
I wonder how she is groomed.
She is gyrating in a suggestive manner.
This is done to sexually arouse myself and the other males.
It's probably a landing strip - it's usually a little strip.
She will be given money in exchange for our arousal.
This is the product of a capitalist society.
Yeah, there it is - it's a landing strip alright.
This is also the product of biology and instinct.
For one dollar, I could feel her boobs on my face.
My face has touched boobs before.
It was a lot cooler when it didn't cost a dollar.
I'd rather have the dollar, because we live in a capitalist society.
That's not to say that I didn't have a good time. I like girls, and I like dancing, naked girls, and I like watching the crazy pole tricks, and wondering how much practice it would take me to equal their moves. I especially like these things when they occur in the middle of a cornfield on the outskirts of town. I even like being reminded that life is basic, and we're not so evolved, and there are basic urges that need to be addressed for everyone.
But mostly I like the small tits that aren't all wobbly-bobbly.
[stripper]
[strip club]
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