How the Superhunks Stole Your High School Girlfriend
[NOTE: In addition to naming Jude Law 2004's Sexiest Man Alive, People magazine picked nine "off the charts" sexy superstars: Orlando Bloom, Jake Gyllenhaal, Usher, Colin Farrell, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Bruce Willis and Johnny Depp.]
She was at the mall with two of her friends. They finished their onion rings and left the food court enclosure; Orlando was sitting, arms crossed, on a wooden bench outside of Supercuts. His skateboard was tucked away beneath him; the deck's image -- a pitchfork-wielding devil before a fiery cityscape -- stared out from the darkened recess.
"Is that a moustache?" Tammy asked your girlfriend in amazement.
"My God, I think it is," Angel responded, attempting not to stare at the thin, dark line. "He can grow a moustache already! No one else in 10th grade can even come close!"
Your girlfriend agreed and approached Orlando.
"I like your facial hair," she told him in her most cordial, over-the-phone voice.
"Whatever," he spat. "My old man won't leave it alone. I'm supposed to shave it off by Monday - and he says if my hair isn't off my shoulders, too, then I'm grounded for a month. He's such a dick."
"Yeah, that sucks," your girlfriend sympathized, "I hate my dad, too."
Orlando stood up and pulled his board from its nook.
"Fuck him. I'm going out to the parking lot to smoke. You coming?"
Tammy and Angel whispered to one another, weak in the knees as your girlfriend followed Orlando down the tile path to the bank of glass doors that separates indoors from out.
"No one else in the 10th grade smokes Reds," Angel said.
Tammy sighed.
"Yeah, I know."
"Wow."
"Yeah. Wow."
3 comments:
Are you suggesting that 1). you had at least one girlfriend sometime in the four years of high school and 2). she was hot enough that Orlando Bloom would go after her? Whatever.
I don't get the fascination with Jake Gyllenhaal...I think he looks like a 7th grader with Down's syndrome. Wait a minute...I look like a 7th grader with Down's!!! Hello ladies... [-jeff.]
He stole YOUR girlfriend, not mine. And even if it was MY high school girlfriend, it wouldn't matter how attractive she was -- Orlando Bloom is a notorious chubby chaser, and my high school girlfriend was very thin.
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