Wednesday, November 03, 2004

What a Colonoscopy is Like

First, there's the prep; you have to drink only clear liquids for at least 24 hours. That's not so bad. Then you have to take the phospho-soda to clear your bowels. The bad news about that stuff is the taste - it tastes like flavored nausea. The worse news is that it cleans your bowels very thoroughly, and that cuts into your sleeping time.

Once you've made it to the doctor's office, it's time for a few more preparatory steps. Your blood pressure is taken, as is your temperature. Look! It's time for the IV to go in your right hand, because you'll be laying on your left side soon. Of course, even though your veins are normally very responsive to needles, they're not today, as you're dehydrated from the oral saline laxative. After a few painful minutes attempting to stick one vein, another is chosen, and you've got saline coming into your body for a change.

Now all that's left is for you is remove your pants - done and done! Anything to hasten the arrival of the valium/demerol drug combo that's pumped into your system so as to make you forget all of your troubles...or at least that one trouble that's about to be threaded through your large intestine.

So that's the bright side of the procedure - you are so heavily sedated, you don't recall any of the actual colonoscopy (and because you won't remember it, the kindly doctor takes pictures of your innards for you) when you wake up at home a couple hours later. No, you don't remember the scope weaving through you, but you do recall a few moments in the recovery room when the doctor and your ride home show you the evidence of Crohn's Disease in the snapshots of your colon.

(If you're lucky, I'll post said photos in a few days.)

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