Edwin Depke, 80, a retired box company worker who has long loved the Thickburgers, was won over by the Monster at a St. Louis Hardee's.All the trimmings? Is bacon a trimming now? Or is Ed referring to the mayo they slap on the Monster? The sesame seeds on the bun? The 2nd 1/3 pound angus beef patty? The 2nd and/or 3rd slice of cheese?
Calories schmalories, he said.
"They're big and thick, with all the trimmings," Depke said. "You
don't have to worry about all bun and no meat."
But I'll take it easy on ol' Edwin today, because the quote of the day goes to former Motley Crue (sorry for the lack of umlaut...damn English language keyboard) frontman Vince Neil. Oh, snap! Did I say "former frontman"? What I meant to say was "frontman, now and forever", because the Crue is totally getting back together! Tommy and Vince appear to have healed their differences, Nikki Six is off the junk, and the guitarist whose name I don't remember is recovered from his hip replacement surgery (seriously). Sound kind of lame? Sound like a gimmick to sell their upcoming greatest hits album, "Red, White and Crue" (again, seriously)? Well, allow Vince to put your fears to rest with a quote that doesn't overcompensate in the least bit:
"We're just ready to go out and rock," Neil said at the news conference. "We're still Motley. We still rock."
3 comments:
1) The Monster Burger is not new. I remember this er, monstrosity hitting the market back in the cities a few years back. Obviously, I never tried one, as I am still standing today, and have maintained my girlish figure. I'm surprised they don't just slap the jumbo helping of french fries and large Coke right on the burger(s) itself. Heart attack schmart attack! I guess at 80 Edwin's glory days of the box factory are behind him, and he is just politely hastening his departure. Would you like a side of smokes with that?
2) Mick Mars was the guitarist. The hip replacement doesn't surprise me, as I think he is about ten years older than his now middle-aged counterparts. He's like your buddy's older brother who can make a devil face, feedback his guitar, and will be no competition for chicks. As for Tommy Lee, clearly he needed Vince's lyrical "prowess." From TL's "Hold Me Down":
i don’t know why every time i wanna fly
somebody always tries
to hold me down….hold me down…
i’m losing my faith every single time…i try
no one is on my side
don’t let me drown…let me drown
[-jeff.]
I didn't think of this before your comment, but what the hell is an 80 year-old doing with a monster burger? Do you know any 80 year-old men with voracious appetites? My dad's dad died before he hit 80; he was an active dude and all, but come dinnertime he'd eat some noodles and half a chicken wing and call it good, you know? The man couldn't finish a whole bottle of Dr Pepper (and this was before soda bottles reached today's mammoth proportions), much less a 2/3 lb hamburger.
Good point...although not surprising about a relative of yours. I think if you ate a Monster burger while standing on a scale, you could literally see it tip with every bite...Also, I think 80-year olds these days only have a voracious appetite for LOVE, as evidenced by the skyrocketing Viagra et al. sales.
In all seriousness, can I get a moment of silence for Dime and Vinnie, and those poor bastards who just wanted to rock out in downtown Columbus? This nonsense has got to stop. [-jeff.]
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