Cleptosphere

I visited the Kansas Cosmosphere and Space Museum many times in my grade school career - located in nearby Hutchinson, it was the only place my school district could afford to send us on field trips. (The best visit, easily, featured a science demonstration: hot dog is dipped into liquid nitrogen, hammer shatters hot dog into a billion little pieces. Makes the baking soda volcano look like a pile of puke.) I was disheartened to hear that its former director was indicted for auctioning items from the museum's collection:

The list of artifacts Ary is alleged to have sold includes a nose cone, part of a space suit, a cable that was flown on Apollo 13, and an Apollo 12 water shut-off valve.

I realize that not all that many things have been into space and came back down to earth, and I'm glad something more awesome was not taken from the Cosmosphere's collection, but I just don't understand who buys this crap. What exactly would one do with Apollo 12's water shut-off valve? It's not exactly an autographed Jackie Robinson, jersey, is it? You're not going to place it inside a finished wooden display case and plop that baby on the mantel of your rec room, are you? Do you display it at all?

"Yeah, Jerry - this here is another piece in my collection. It's the water shut-off valve from Apollo 12."

"It looks like most earthbound water shut-off valves, Harold."

"Yeah, well, this one has been to space."

"Was it on the moon?"

"No."

"Oh. Um. Cool?"

"Goddamn right, it's cool! Now, let's head over here and check out this carburetor."

"Wow! They use carburetors on the space shuttle!"

"No no no. Jerry, this here carburetor was the very same carburetor that was under the hood of President Kennedy's convertible on that fateful day in Dallas."

"Was it damaged by Oswald's shots?"

"Not in the least. In fact, it's still in great shape."

"So there's no blood on it or anything?"

"No way. That baby is pristine."

"What's this one over here by the foosball table, Harold? It looks expensive!"

"That? Oh, that's just one of the wife's antique dolls."

"Oh my gosh, I saw one like that on Antiques Roadshow - I think it was appraised at $30,000!"

"Yeah, it's nice, but what's really interesting is the piece that doll is sitting on."

"That's an antique wooden stand?"

"You're close, Jerry - that right there is the stand that was used at Sotheby's auction house from 1995 through 1997. It's propped up many a priceless piece. Why, do you have any idea how many Faberge eggs have touched that thing?"

"I'm going to stop coming by here, Harold."

"Ha ha! Oh, Jerry, you're a real whip!"

"Your wife is ugly."

"Ha ha!"