[NOTE: The original version of this was written last night during UNC's championship performance, aka The Night Sean May Lowered His Shoulder To Victory. When adding the finishing touches, the blue screen of death informed me that Windows was closing my browser. Save early and save often, people.]
Why did we ever start using the word "respectively"? Can we stop? Can you imagine the guy that looked at a box score like this:
Lionheart 6
Kingsbridge 14
Reginaldson 11
and then wrote the sentence, "Lionheart, Kingsbridge, and Reginaldson scored 11, 6, and 14 points."? Thanks to that douchebox, I've got to type "respectively" at the end of such sentences.
And what wise man decided to type things like, "See the answers below in bold."? We have to actually bold the word bold? Who are the people that don't know what bold type looks like? Even if you've never seen bold font before in your life, wouldn't you have a vague idea of what it would look like from context alone?
Microsoft. You're killing me. I like Word, but I hate its autoformatting, especially the smart quotes. Let me know what programmer decided it was cuter to have little curly quotes instead of straight quotes - I will prank them to death with a tire iron. Thanks for making things like, "Suzie's got a big ol' hunk of Italy's finest." look like “ Suzie’s got a big ol’ hunk of Italy’s finest.“
[I now read that all again and imagine I have big, wild eyebrows. I'm gunning for you, Andy Rooney! You'll be dead soon and it will be my time!]
4 comments:
Daniel. You know I love Andy Rooney. You hit below the belt by speaking of his death.
Heather
Oh God he really died!?!
Ed
Oh Andy Rooney is still very much alive (http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/60minutes/rooney/main3419.shtml). It's just that Dan spoke of him dying, cruely making plans to fill his shoes before the man is even dead.
Heather
angry young man...angry.
[-jeff.]
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